


Wingless

by KesoKeos



Series: Wingless [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuto was sad, But then Akaashi helped him, Child Abuse, Depression, Hinata is a good friend to Tsukki, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, Kuroo just wants to help him, M/M, Past Abuse, Sad times, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Some fluffy scenes, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tsukishima is depressed, Tsukki gets friends, he had a crappy childhood, minor fluff, no actual death, so he’s really understanding, so is Yamaguchi and Suga, still has issues ten years later, the third gym crew are all like super supportive and friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KesoKeos/pseuds/KesoKeos
Summary: Tsukishima was an oddity. In a world full of people with wings he was wingless. Wingless, and just as broken on the inside.After reluctantly joining as the manager on the boy's volleyball team midway through the year, he goes along to the week long training camp where he meets the one person he never thought he'd see again; his childhood best friend, Kuroo Tetsurou.(Trigger warnings: Includes abuse, self harm, attempted suicide and depression.)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Wingless [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805107
Comments: 27
Kudos: 145





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is going to be much more angsty than my other stuff, so please read the triggers. I would hate to upset anyone. It’s a multi-chapter one, but I’m not sure how many chapters it’ll end up being. Still, I’ve had this idea for a while so I thought I’d finally write it.

(Warning - mentions of abuse, the scenes aren't that detailed though)

It had been this way for as long as he could remember. 

Kei's father and mother had fought a lot, though mostly it was his father starting the arguments. They had a divorce, and while his mother had custody of Akiteru, she couldn't get custody of him. His father took him to Tokyo where his new job was, and Tsukishima was alone. He had just finished the school year so it was summer break. 

He was seven years old, and as far as he knew there was nobody else around his age in the complex. His father left him in the house during the day while he was at work, and so Tsukishima was so alone. He couldn't go outside and fly, which he loved doing when he was with his mother and brother, and he had to make his own breakfast, lunch and dinner. From the beginning, he was treated badly, but it was always worse when his father came home drunk. 

Kei learned very quickly never to disobey his father, to do exactly what he was told. The cheerful boy he once was, that bright and kind personality he had, was dimmed by the hurtful and damaging ways of his father. That spark that he had was gone, and his beautiful, white wings (his mother often said they were like an angel's) lost their sheen since he couldn't care for them like he used to. 

He was crying on his bed one night, louder than usual. His father would slap him if he was too loud, but he was out for the whole night and Tsukishima could be as loud as he wanted. What he hadn't expected was for there to be a knock from the other side of the wall, and the muffled voice of a boy. It sounded something like 'are you okay?', but he couldn't be sure.

Instead, he broke out into more sobs, curling up into a ball. He had never noticed the walls were that thin before, he'd known that their apartments were close but he'd never really heard much from the other side. Nobody ever really cared about him anymore; his mother and brother never called or made an effort, so Tsukishima knew he was truly alone in this world. Because of that he didn't bother thinking much of the boy on the other side of the wall. 

He'd never imagined he'd hear a knock on the front door.

He stiffened as soon as he heard it, automatically wiping his tears and getting up. If it was his father, he had to go and open it for him, incase he'd not been bothered to get out his keys or was too drunk to put the keys into the lock. He made sure he has his sweater on (he had a few bruises on his arms from when his father grabbed him), turned on the lights in the hallway, and quietly opened the door. 

On the other side there was a boy who looked to be about his age, maybe a little older than him. His black hair was messy and had the worst bed hair that he'd ever seen, but this boy was also very pretty. He had smooth tan skin, beautiful ebony black wings, and these golden-hazel eyes. Tsukishima knew that he wasn't meant to like boys, his father had gotten very angry when he brought it up, but he liked this boy a lot already. He had this concerned look on his face, and it seemed like he cared even if they didn't know each other. 

"Hi, I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, I'm nine and I live next door! Are you alright? I heard you crying," he asked, a worried tone in his voice. Tsukishima just stood there silently, unsure of how to act. His father probably wouldn't like this, but this boy, Kuroo, he was so nice. 

After fiddling with the hem of his sweater for a while, eventually he spoke up, not looking at Kuroo when he did so. "I'm fine, I guess. You d-don't need to worry about me," he whispered, barely audible. 

"But I do though, you're my friend and you were upset, so I gotta help you out. What's your name, or do I just gotta call you Moonshine? Since your wings look so pretty in the moonlight," Kuroo said, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a smile. The concerned look was still there, but an eager one was there as well. 

Tsukishima flinched a little at the contact, but after a moment realised it was gentle and not firm like when his father did the same gesture. He blushed and smiled a little at the words and relaxed, liking that Kuroo considered him a friend. That sounded nice, since he'd not really had many friends back at school. "My name is T-Tsukishima Kei," he said softly, looking up at the older boy. "Thank you, Kuroo-san, your wings are beautiful too."

"You don't need to be so formal, Kei, you're my friend after all! You can call me Tetsu," he said, moving his hand away from the blond's shoulder. "So, why were you upset? Was it something to do with why I didn't know you lived here too?"

Tsukishima felt his little heart beat faster when he heard Kuroo call him Kei, a little crush developing. All that joy was sucked out when he heard the question, and he immediately tensed, taking a step backwards. His father would get angry if he said how he was being treated and then everything would get worse. As nice as Kuroo was, he couldn't say anything to him.

Seeing his reaction, Tetsurou tilted his head and moved to give him a hug, which Kei immediately returned. It was so warm and gentle and he'd not had a hug in so long. "You don't have to say, I'm sorry for being pushy. But I just wanna help you out, Kei," the boy assured him gently, pulling away and giving him a small smile. "I don't like it when my friends are sad, and I want you to be happy. How about you come over tomorrow while your dad and my mum are out at work? I wanna show you something really cool! It's called Morse code and it means we can talk through the wall!"

Tsukishima looked at him, but hesitantly nodded with a smile. He would have to be careful because of his father, but he really wanted to be friends with Kuroo. He hated the loneliness and sadness he always felt during the day. "Okay, Tetsu," he agreed, giving the other male a quick hug before starting to head back inside. "I'll be over at about ten," he promised, seeming much happier than he had been before. 

That night before they went to sleep, the two of them knocked on the wall to say goodnight. From that day on a close friendship was born, between the boy with wings like midnight and the boy with wings like the moon.

x-X-x

After the first week, Tsukishima came over to Kuroo's house frequently. They learnt Morse code together, and once he'd gone home he could go in his room and they could keep on talking. Kuroo brought the light back into his life, even though things weren't great. Kei was actually somewhat happy, and he found himself looking forward to the day even if he had to deal with his father at night.

Still, Kuroo wasn't dumb, and for all the effort that Tsukishima put in as he tried to hide the bruises, the other boy found out. He knew, they both knew, but there was nothing they could do about it. As cruel as it was, things would only get worse for Tsukishima unless his father was put in jail, otherwise telling someone would only mean the blond would suffer more. 

And so, the older boy resigned himself to comforting his best friend, to making sure that he was bandaged properly and that he got hugs and small bits of affection. Kuroo took such good care of him, and Tsukishima felt like he couldn't do much for Kuroo in return. He, however, said that the company was enough since his mother didn't want him going out to play with his other friends when she wasn't there. She knew who Tsukishima was, of course, but had yet to meet him and didn't know what his father was doing to him.

When their parents weren't around, they were inseparable. They spent time together, told each other what they liked and didn't like. Kuroo loved a sport called volleyball, and he had three friends called Bokuto, Yaku and Akaashi who all played as well. Tsukishima wanted to play, but he already knew that his father would never agree to it. Kuroo told him he would be a good middle blocker since he was tall, and that was the best position since he played it too. Kuroo also liked science and maths and was actually extremely smart.

Tetsurou learned that Kei loved dinosaurs and strawberries and cake and just sweet things in general, and that his hobbies included reading (fiction and non fiction), baking, flying and making music. He played piano and sang, but never around anyone else. 

Maybe they were still young, but they truly cared about each other. It was love, there was no other word for it. Perhaps it wasn't quite brotherly love, or romantic love, but just pure love for each other. They were each other's special friend, the one person they could tell anything and everything, no matter how small or insignificant. 

It was drawing closer and closer to when the school year would start again, which neither of them wanted. It meant more time separated since Kuroo would be at school and Tsukishima would be at home. Still, they enjoyed every second they could get together, as every moment with each other was happier than when they were apart.

Then one day, that happiness shattered like glass. Tsukishima had left at about four in the afternoon like he usually did to get back before his father got home, only this time he was the one that was late. His father was furious, and he immediately ran to his room. He knew from the look on his father's face that this would be a bad time, and boy was it. 

As soon as he was in the room, his father followed, butchering knife in hand, locking the door behind him so there was no chance of escape.

It wasn't long before piercing screams filled the silence, the sounds of an innocent, kind boy losing one of his favourite things about himself; his wings. 'H-E-L-P' he knocked across the wall in Morse, sounding just like mindless banging on the wall to his father. Had Tetsurou known what was going on or not? He prayed that the boy wouldn't do anything stupid and would call the police like he tried to communicate. Dear Tetsu, oh, how Kei would miss his Tetsu when he was gone. How he would miss his smile, his warm hugs, his laugh, and his passion for science and volleyball. The way he called him 'Kei' and 'Moonshine', he would miss that. "T-Tetsu!" He screamed out, voice strained and weak. It all hurt so much, he couldn't stay awake for long. 'Please, be safe.' He just had to hope, he had to pray that the other boy would do the smart thing, that he could stay safe. His world faded to black, leaving him helpless, unaware of the boy crying in the apartment next door on the phone to the emergency services. 

Unaware that it would be almost ten years until he saw Tetsurou again.


	2. 1

Tsukishima watched idly out the window as the sun rose and they began the long journey from their home all the way to Tokyo. His headphones on, he was pretty much blocking out the world. There weren’t very many things he cared for nowadays, not very many things that made him happy. A lot of the time he felt numb, and whenever he smiled it was usually fake or a smirk. The only few times he actually smiled was with his best friend Yamaguchi, who was always patient and supportive through his ups and downs.

Yamaguchi was next to him, the boy’s deep green wings shuffling in excitement. Though the team had already been to Tokyo twice, this would be his first time coming along as their manager. He’d only joined a few weeks ago, because he’d caved in to Yamaguchi’s pestering. At the very least, it kept his mind occupied from many of the thoughts that usually swam around when he was alone. He could have joined the team, in fact he was considering doing so. He just couldn’t stand seeing the way the spikers hands would slam down on the ball when he was on the court, as if those hands were coming for him. He simply couldn’t handle playing against people.

There was also the other issue of his scars. He had been clean for a year, though he certainly hadn’t gotten over his depression. Playing volleyball meant that those scars would be visible to the world, and people would know that he wasn’t just wingless, but he was broken and wingless. 

His hands shook, and he found himself moving it to hold Yamaguchi’s and squeeze tightly. He hated seeming weak, and so he constantly put up this strong, snarky facade to hide the scared person he still was inside. “I think coming along was a mistake, Tadashi,” he whispered, using his free hands to slip the headphones off and leave them resting on his neck. “You have Shimizu-san and Yachi-san, there’s no need for me to come. I’ll only make things harder on you guys, especially if...you know.”

“Oh, Tsukki,” the boy whispered, squeezing his hand in return and giving him a smile. “Deep breaths, and just listen to me. I’m so glad you did come. I know I have the rest of the team and we have two managers, but there’s only one you. You’re my brother, even if not by blood, and my best friend. Yachi and Shimizu are great, but they don’t quite understand volleyball like you do. And besides, maybe you’ll make some new friends here.”

Tsukishima did as told, breathing in and breathing out slowly, listening to his words. After Yamaguchi was finished speaking, the tension in his body had slipped away and he was feeling more relaxed. “Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Tadashi,” he muttered, letting go of his hand and giving him a small smile. The other boy brightened and nodded, going back to reading his book once he saw Tsukishima put on his headphones once more. Mostly it was classical music or soundtracks, nothing with lyrics. It kept him calm and it was expressive without having to listen to depressing or overly happy lyrics.

He wondered about the people who would be there, what they would be like. For a brief moment, he wondered if he would see Kuroo since it was volleyball and they were in Tokyo, but he doubted it. The chances were slim, and even if he was there Kei wouldn’t know how to respond. He simply shrugged off the thought and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift off to sleep. He needed it, after the crappy he sleep he usually got at home. 

x-X-x

When they got close to arriving, he had been gently awakened by Yamaguchi. He took off his headphones, unplugging them from his phones and placing them in his bag. He slipped his phone into his jacket pocket. He took Yamaguchi’s hand once more and squeezed it, his heart beating faster as they pulled into the school. He felt like he was going to be sick. It had been so long, yet he couldn’t help but worry and wonder if he would see Kuroo. He wanted to see him, to see his Tetsu, but he wouldn’t know how he could ever face him if he was there. “Tadashi, what if he’s there? Tetsu,” he whispered, his voice strained.

“I can’t tell you if he will be since I don’t know his full name, but even if he is I’m sure it will be fine. If he’s had that much of an impact on you, then I’m sure he wouldn’t forget and he’d be more than happy to see you again. Just relax, Tsukki, relax and breathe. It’ll all be okay, I promise you. And even if something goes horribly wrong then I’ll be there for you, no matter what. You know I promised that, and I never go back on my promises especially when it comes to my promises to you.” Yamaguchi gave him a soft hug, gently stroking his arm (since he knew rubbing his back made Kei feel uncomfortable).

Tsukishima took deep breaths, and nodded, unzipping his bag slightly and sticking his hand inside. There was a dinosaur plush that he used as a sort of stress ball if he felt nervous but didn’t want to hold Yamaguchi’s hand in public. As they stood up, Sugawara stayed back, being the only person on the team other than Yamaguchi (and of course Takeda-sensei and coach Ukai who had to know) that knew about his depression and panic attacks. The silver haired teen gave him a gentle smile and quietly assured him that it would be okay and that it was okay to leave the room as soon as he got too overwhelmed. 

He nodded at them, following in from the back of the team into the gym, since they would take their bags into their room later. The place was massive, the sound of volleyball resounding throughout the gym. Multiple teams were there warming up and practicing before the actual practice games began, though one team in particular came over to greet Karasuno as they arrived. 

The team had a red uniform, so it must be Nekoma, their supposed ‘fated rivals’. He’d heard many things about the team, but only knew their players by their numbers and characteristics and not by their names. Tsukishima should have learnt their names.

Right ahead of everyone in the team was a tall teenager with black, messy bed hair. His wings were ebony, silky smooth, the colour of midnight. His skin was tan and unblemished, and his eyes were the same golden-hazel colour he remembered. Immediately he grabbed both Sugawara and Yamaguchi’s hands as they’d been walked in with him, squeezing them twice, squeezing them hard.

He’d locked eyes with his Tetsu, the boy that had been his best friend in some of the worst months in his life. The boy, now teenager, that had grown so handsome and perfect. The very same boy that had saved his life multiple times was standing and staring right at him, that look of recognition in his eyes. He knew who Tsukishima was.

And so, doing the only thing he knew how to do, he dropped his bag and ran back to the bus which Takeda sensei was checking to make sure they didn’t leave anything in it by accident. He ran inside the bus, finding his seat and curling up with his knees curled close to his chest and his head buried in his knees. He sobbed, shaking, wishing desperately that he had the plush or Tadashi or someone there to hold him and comfort him. The world around him faded away, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t focus. Tetsurou was there, and he had seen him. His heart ached and clenched and everything was nothing and nothing was everything because he didn’t even know what was going on anymore. His breathing was shaky and he felt dizzy and like he would be sick. 

And then- Tadashi was there by his side, wrapping his arms around him and giving him Rex, guiding him to breathe and calm down. Tadashi, his best friend was there, so it would all be okay. Slowly he calmed down once more, the sobs quieting down into quiet sniffles. “I’m sorry, Tadashi,” he whispered, his voice barely audible and strained. “Tetsu, he’s here, and he saw me, and I was scared. I’m so fucking pathetic.” He held Rex closer to his chest, leaning into the comforting embrace of his brother in everything but blood. 

“No, Tsukki, you aren’t pathetic, and you should not be apologising. You had enough strength to come here, and like Suga said, you could leave any time you were too overwhelmed. You’re hurting and life is hard, but that doesn’t make you any less of a person than everyone else. In fact, I think it makes you more, because you’ve made it through hardships that they could never face and make it through.” Yamaguchi’s voice was gentle yet stern, making sure that Tsukishima listened and understood. “Suga is talking to him right now. Kuroo-san wanted to chase after you, but we made sure he wouldn’t so you could calm down first. He certainly hasn’t forgotten about you, Tsukki, and he cares so much.”

Tsukishima looked at him, wiping away his tears and nodding. “Sounds like Tetsu. He always did make sure I was okay,” he said with a sad laugh, his voice thick and strained. “Did I ever tell you how we met, Tadashi?”

Yamaguchi shook his head and gave him a small, encouraging smile. “I don’t believe you have, Tsukki. Do you want to tell me? I’d love to listen,” he said softly, nothing but kindness in his voice. 

Slowly, Kei nodded, taking a deep but shaky breath before starting to speak. “We used to be neighbours, as you know. I was never loud in my room, and neither was he when he was in his, so even if the walls were thin we didn’t know of each other. One night I was alone there, alone and crying, and he could hear me. He knocked on the wall and asked if i was okay, and when he realised I couldn’t understand his words through the wall he knocked on the front door. He was the only person to care during those times, the only person I had, and though he couldn’t do anything about my situation he could hug me and spend time with me and make me feel worthwhile.” After that, he fell silent, holding back more tears since he’d only just calmed down. He didn’t want to start crying once more since they had already been gone far too long.

Yamaguchi smiled softly and pulled him closer, gently rubbing his arm. “That’s really nice, Tsukki. I’m glad you had him back then,” he told him, giving the taller male a smile. “Do you feel well enough to leave the bus? I’m sure if you asked Takeda-sensei you could head to the room and put your things down in the room first so that you can just sneak up to the upper story and watch where nobody’s going to bother you.”

Tsukishima nodded a little, feeling bad that he’d been so weak but at the same time listening to the little voice of reason in his head, planted there by Yamaguchi. ‘It’s okay to cry, to hurt, and to run off. It doesn’t make you less of a person,’ it told him. He felt proud of himself when he actually listened to that voice, that he’d actually started to believe that voice. “That sounds good, Tadashi. Can you ask Sensei for me, please?” he asked softly, slowly moving away from Yamaguchi yet holding the T-Rex plush close. 

“Of course, your bag is just here, Tsukki,” Tadashi told him, passing him the bag from the floor before standing up. Tsukishima got up too, following him out to where Takeda was waiting for them. He looked concerned, but since Tsukishima seemed fine now he didn’t want to trigger anything again by asking how he was.

He nodded in understanding when Yamaguchi put forward the request and smiled, saying he would show him where the room was since he hadn’t been there the last time. The room was different than the one used previously though, since Takeda had made sure to ask for two Karasuno team rooms. One would have Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and the second years aside from Tanaka and Nishinoya. The other room had the three third years, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Kageyama and Hinata. That way, if Tsukishima did have a panic attack or nightmare during night, it wouldn’t be as bad for him since the second years in the room were calmer than some of the other people on the team. 

He put his clothes bag down, but grabbed a smaller backpack to take with him into the gym. It had a book on dinosaurs, Rex, a small piece of strawberry shortcake (for times when he felt like crap and needed cheering up), his headphones and his phone. He crept into the gym and made it up to a higher floor, resting against the wall. Tsukishima simply blocked out everything with music, eating half of his cake so he didn’t spoil his appetite for lunch. Rex was on his lap, the plush a gift from Akiteru ages ago when he’d been in hospital. 

A few hours later, when Yamaguchi came up to get him for the lunch break, Kei actually felt content. He was relaxed, and though a part of him would never truly be ready, he was ready to face Kuroo again. 

“Tadashi? I think I did that self care thing you keep on telling me about,” he mumbled as he packed everything into his backpack and stood up. 

Yamaguchi grinned and gave him a thumbs up. “Yup! You sure did, Tsukki!” he told him happily, a proud tone in his voice. “You’ve done well. I’m proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too.”


	3. 2

Tsukishima walked downstairs with Yamaguchi, waiting behind as everyone got lunch. Sugawara came over and checked if he was okay, and he could honestly say yes. “That’s so wonderful,” he said with a smile, giving him a thumbs up. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I know you probably don’t want to think about it, but I gave Kuroo-san a heads up to try not to talk to you with so many people around. I just thought you should know.”

Tsukishima nodded in understanding and hummed softly. It was a somewhat windy day, so it wasn’t too hot, and the breeze ruffled his hair. For just a moment, the world around him was peaceful and he didn’t regret coming. He made small talk to Yamaguchi, Sugawara and Daichi as they waited in line to get their lunch, and though he didn’t eat much it was still a good amount for him considering he sometimes didn’t want to eat at all. 

They ate outside on the hill, where there was the breeze and the sun and Tadashi chattering about how their games went. The freckled boy was still working hard on his serves, but hadn’t gotten the chance to play that day. “I’m sure your time will come soon, Tadashi. You’re a hard worker and dedicated and though you might not be a regular I know that you’re a valued part of the team,” he said softly, taking a few bites of his food. 

The boy hummed in thought and nodded. “Yes, you’re right, Tsukki, thank you. The same goes for you, you know? I know you don’t like playing, but you’re a really good volleyball player and middle blocker. I think Hinata secretly admires you because of all the advice on blocking you give him,” he said with a soft laugh, glancing up at the blond.

“I think he’s just jealous because I’m tall and he’s not, but if that’s really the case then I guess that’s nice,” Tsukishima replied with a shrug, finishing up his bowl and placing it on the grass next to him. “I’ll probably take back my words later, but for now, thank you for wanting me to join the team. It is nice knowing I have a few more people around me that don’t mind having me around, like Sugawara-san and Daichi-san.”

Tadashi smiled and nodded, seeming to be particularly happy at the moment. He was about to speak up when he heard his best friend beat him to it. “So, when are you going to ask Yachi out?” he teased softly, an amused yet very real smile on his lips as he glanced over. 

Yamaguchi blushed a dark red, and Tsukishima laughed quietly at his reaction. “Tsukki! How am I supposed to know, I’ve literally never liked anyone before,” he exclaimed, continuing to blush. “I don’t even know if she likes me, and we’ve barely had a chance to really talk and hang out one and one. It’s not like Kageyama and Hinata who went to her for tutoring,” he explained, pouting.

“Girls like cute and sweet things, right? Bake her cupcakes or something, or even better, ask her if she wants to help you bake cupcakes so you can hang out,” Kei pointed out, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, and I’m the one who’s usually taking advice. You don’t have to push her, just be your kind self and I’m sure she’ll fall for it. I feel like she’s the kind of person that would like a cute, funny, devoted guy, rather than someone outgoing like Hinata who she’d have to babysit a lot,” he explained, rolling his eyes. 

“That actually isn’t a bad idea, Tsukki! I might not make nice looking things, but I can certainly bake yummy things, right?” Yamaguchi grinned, nudging him gently. “Why else would you request for my strawberry cake of all things, huh?”

“Yes, yes, I am quite fond of it. It makes me feel better when I’m upset,” he defended half-heartedly, glancing to his bag where the rest of the piece of cake was. “I had half of the piece you brought me and I still ate lunch.”

“Anyways, I’m going to take our bowls and stuff back to get washed up, are you fine to wait a minute?” Yamaguchi had a gentle tone to his voice, wanting to make sure since as happy as Tsukishima was at the moment he knew that things could change very quickly.

He thought for a moment, but slowly nodded. “I think so, Tadashi,” he said, passing up his bowl and chopsticks to his friend who had stood up. “Thank you.” The freckled boy nodded and headed off, and Tsukishima simply closed his eyes, hoping to enjoy the peace.

Initially, it was Kuroo that Tsukishima had been worried about bothering him, but they needed to talk anyways and he knew that he could trust him. No, he just had to get Hinata. The boy came bounding over, along with some second year from Nekoma with white wings with brown and dark brown patches that were kind of like a calico. ‘And just as I was actually enjoying life’ he thought with a sigh, glancing up at the two teens. 

“Oi, Stingyshima, where did you run off to earlier! I wanted to introduce you to all the cool people that I’ve made friends with. This is Kenma, he’s really quiet but he’s super cool and a great setter! And over there is Akaashi, who you’d probably get along with since he’s constantly telling the other guy, Bokuto to stop being so loud. Oh, and there this guy named Kuroo who’s like, super good at blocking but also kinda weird.” Hinata was obviously super excited, and the guy beside him, Kenma, looked frankly exhausted.

Still, he seemed to listen more when he mentioned Kuroo and frowned. “He’s not weird, Shouyou. He just has an interesting way of expressing himself,” he said quietly, before returning to whatever game he was playing. Right, this guy would be on Tetsu’s team, and he was the setter so he and Kuroo were probably close.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s still weird. Anyways, can you actually come down and watch instead of running off next time? I know you feel like you’re not really needed since you weren’t here before, but I really wanna beat Kenma and I can’t do that unless I’m better at blocking than Kuroo-san and better at spiking than Bokuto-senpai! And you always know what to say to help with my blocking!” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes but nodded. 

“I don’t get why you’re asking me, I don’t even play on the team. But if it makes you so happy, I’ll watch your games,“ he muttered, pulling out his water bottle and taking a sip. “Still, the whole team has so many different parts and you’re all growing and changing. If the whole team doesn’t work in unison, then one person can’t really make a change.”

Hinata poured but nodded anyway. “Will you block for me tonight? Everyone is going to be doing extra practise but it’s no point spiking if there’s no blockers,” he whined, a hopeful look in his eyes. 

“If you can actually get your spike with Kageyama working and together, I’ll consider it,” Tsukishima replied, sighing softly. The middle blocker was short and loud and annoying, but he was never actually rude to him aside from calling him ‘Stingyshima’. He was one of the few people he actually sometimes played volleyball with, if he felt up to it that was. Since he didn’t eat much, even despite training on his own or with Yamaguchi, often he didn’t have enough stamina to keep playing. He would work on that though, he was still taking baby steps with his ongoing mental health issues.

Hinata just grinned and looked to Kenma. “Yes! See, Kenma, he might not look it but Tsukki is actually a really decent guy. I told you I could get him to say maybe!” Tsukishima rolled his eyes but shrugged, leaving them be. ‘Poor Kenma’, he thought as he watched the pair of them walk off together, Hinata blabbing on about whatever it was Kenma was playing. ‘Hinata is in love with him, and I think he has feelings for him in return’.

Oh well, it wasn’t his business anyways. Though, perhaps he could deal with having the orange haired teen around, after all. He had his own issues that he needed to deal with, anyways. 

x-X-x

True to his word, after the lunch break was over he came and sat on the sideline with coach Ukai, and Takeda-sensei. He watched the games carefully, making note of the things that each player on their team did well of and needed to improve on. For Hinata, he made sure to tell him and explain in a way the other would understand.

Perhaps he couldn’t bring himself to play just yet, but he still was just as much a part of the game as the rest of the team. He noticed things about their opponents, weaknesses that they could take advantages of or particular strategies the opponent used and how to counteract them.

Tsukishima wanted to play volleyball, and he wanted to play volleyball badly. There was still those mental barriers in the way of him, those scars from the inside and out holding him back. So he studied, and he practised, and he honed his skills from the sideline in preparation for the day that would eventually come. Ever since he’d met Tetsurou, he’d promised himself he would play a proper game on the court.

Right now, studying and helping their team would suffice. He was still as much a part of it all as everyone else, even if he’d only just now began to realise it.

The one issue came with the team called Nekoma, and their captain. Tetsu. Oh, how he yearned for him. It had been so long, and to see him here now brought back all of those old feelings. They had changed from the children they once were, yet Tsukishima still felt like the only place he would ever truly call home was in the other male’s arms.

He was enamoured as he watched him play, it seemed so effortless. How he could block and receive and keep the flow between their team going, and they all trusted him. Everyone on that team knew that Kuroo was their captain, that he would have their back, even though he seemed to have put himself in the role of a ‘commoner’. No real fancy titles like ‘Ace’, just Kuroo playing volleyball and doing what he loved, and he was all the more beautiful for it.

He may have been so worried about it earlier, but now he felt purposeful and now he wanted to talk to Tetsurou. But now, they had games to play and things to do and he had no chance, and it made his heart ache. For Tsukishima, this wasn’t even anything to do with want anymore. Kei needed Tetsurou, to be back in those arms even though it was ten years later and he was even more broken than before.

Kei needed to tell him everything, to share all the things that had happened, good and bad. He needed to let out the floodgate of emotions, the ones that he’d subconsciously been holding back since the moment they parted. He felt so much and it hurt but at the same time it didn’t and he didn’t know what to feel. Deep down inside he was just that scared little boy, curled up on his bed crying, waiting for Kuroo to save him.

And so, doing the only reasonable thing he could think of, he silently slipped out of the gym and headed back onto the hill. He put his headphones on, playing the music that had kept him going. He pulled out Rex, the plush dinosaur that had been his companion through so much pain, and not caring about the world he wept. And as the wind intensified and swept around him, he imagined that he was up in the sky and that he could fly. Tsukishima imagined that he was free, that in another world it was him, Akiteru and his mother that moved to Tokyo, and he and Kuroo had never had to part.


	4. 3

Tsukishima hadn’t realised he’d been cold, nor that he’d let a tear slip. He just wanted to forget, forget the pain and the suffering and the oddity that he was. 

He was too emotionally exhausted to react when he felt someone take off his headphones, especially when he saw who those warm, tan hands belonged to. “Tetsu,” he whispered, looking up at the other male as tears began to fill his eyes. Now that Kuroo was up close, Tsukishima could see him even clearer, see the face of the boy that saved his life.

“Kei, Moonshine,” he heard the other mumble, before pulling him into a warm hug. It was different, but at the same time exactly how he remembered it, and Kei hadn’t realised exactly how much he’d missed this. Kuroo’s voice was deeper now, yet when he said his name it still held the same softness and sweetness as before.

Those silky wings wrapped around him, protecting him from the now harsh winds, and any prying eyes. It was just him and Tetsurou, together again at last. He couldn’t help it; once again, Tsukishima let out a sob, beginning to cry and curl closer into that warm embrace. Kuroo was sweaty but he didn’t care, none of it mattered to him anymore. “Tetsu!” he sobbed, clinging on to him and letting all the tears fall.

Tetsurou gladly held him close, stroking through his hair and holding him just like he’d done back when they were kids and they didn’t realise the lasting damage that everything would have on their lives. “I’m here, Moonshine, I promise,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to his head and just continuing to comfort him despite being close to tears himself. “How I’ve missed you, Kei, I was worried I’d never see you again. I thought I’d lost you, I thought that the last time I would ever see you would be when you were taken away on that stretcher. I should have gotten help quicker, I should have done something, anything to stop him but I couldn’t. I was so weak.”

Tsukishima glanced up at Kuroo, and even though the tears he could tell that the other male was hurting as well. The way his voice seemed strained, he knew that feeling all too well. “You saved me, Tetsu, I really would have been gone if not for you. You did everything you could have done, and I don’t blame you for anything,” he said, letting out another choked sob and burying his face in the crook of the third year’s neck. “It’s just been too hard without you, I don’t even know where to begin. It all hurt, I didn’t know how to live without my wings, but mostly without you. I just wish that you could have come with me.”

“Kei,” he heard Kuroo whisper, “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you. But I’m here for you now and that’s not going to change.” He gently pulled away somewhat from him, cupping the blond’s cheek and carefully brushing away his tears. “Personally, I think you’re much prettier when you’re not crying, but I’ll take you any way you come. I don’t care about any scars or issues you have, and I’ll help you through anything and everything, Moonshine. As long as I can have my Kei back, that’s all I want and need.”

Tsukishima looked up at him, a small blush on his cheeks. Those words, the fact that Kuroo still wanted to be close with him even if it was almost ten years since they last saw each other, it all meant a lot to him. “I think I can do that, Tetsu,” he whispered, giving the other male a small yet genuine smile. “I missed you so much, Tetsu. Your hugs and your smile and your stupid bed hair, I missed it all. It’s like I’m back home.”

Kuroo smiled warmly at him in return and let out a happy sigh. “I second that motion. I missed having you close since you would hug me back and I was so happy. I really loved you a lot back then,” he admitted softly, continuing to just stroke his thumb across Kei’s cheek gently. “I still do, love you I mean. I don’t think I can really define what type of love, but all I know is you’re so important to me and I need you in my life.”

“Oh, Tetsu,” he murmured, carefully moving his hand to the other male’s hair and gently running his fingers through it. “I think you worded it better than I could, but I feel the same way. Your hair is really soft, by the way, even if it’s a mess.” He gave him another small smile, feeling more relaxed and at peace. Ten years later they were still on the same page, able to slip so comfortably back into each other’s embrace. It made his heart beat faster, and though he knew he truly loved Kuroo in that sort of undefined way, he also felt that he liked him as more than friends.

His heart definitely didn’t leap in his chest when he saw that he was making Tetsurou blush by playing with his hair and calling it soft. “Thank you, Moonshine,” he said with a large smile, using his free hand to gently run through Tsukishima’s wavy blond locks. “Okay, so I swear I stopped sleeping in such a weird way, you know the one with two pillows? But I literally can’t get rid of it no matter what hair product I use, and there’s no way I’m getting it shorter, so I’ve decided that I’m just going to live with soft bed hair and not bother trying to tame it other than brushing my hair.” That evoked a soft laugh out of Tsukishima, and soon Kuroo was pouting. “I don’t think it’s that funny, Kei!”

“It really is funny, Tetsu. Your hair is literally comical,” he said with another quiet laugh, continuing to run his hand through it. “But... I just so happen to think it suits you. And like I said, it’s soft, which is a good thing.” Kei blushed a little himself, but gave his childhood best friend a warm smile. He’d been so upset before and now he was at ease, and it was peaceful. He felt happy once more, and he was just enjoying every moment spent like that with Tetsurou.

The dark haired male blushed as well, and hummed softly. “So, manager of the boy’s volleyball team, huh? Yet I still haven’t seen you at any of our other practice matches. You wanna tell me about that, Moonshine?” He figured it was a relatively safe topic to ask that wouldn’t upset the blond by accident. Tetsurou could tell that Kei was struggling with some things, he saw it in the way he’d run off, how he’d been around some of the quieter members of the team, how he’d not taken off his jacket all day. He was worried, but didn’t want to pry when they were finally together again and Kei was in a happier mood.

“I play volleyball too, just not on the court. I wanted to play, but some of my past issues kept me from it and sometimes certain things can trigger me unexpectedly, like if the spiker’s hand is coming down at a particular angle. I haven’t been so bad recently though so Tadashi convinced me to join as the manager and sometimes I’ll block for Hinata, the short guy that’s close with Kenma-san, or Asahi-san, our ace. Mostly I just watch from the side and take notes of how our team is going and how we can improve. For so long I couldn’t actually play even though I really wanted to and so I studied it a lot so I tend to pick out things quite quickly and notice strategies that the teams have.” He smiled a little and shrugged, moving his hands away and returning to hugging Kuroo instead. “Like your team is a lot about flow and keeping the ball off the ground. Our team is a bit of a mess right now, since everyone is working on their own thing and it doesn’t quite mesh. Hinata and Kageyama seem to be having issues at the moment as well, but I don’t really know what about.”

Kuroo wrapped his arms around him in return, humming in thought. “I’m proud of you, then. You’re doing your best even if it’s not quite playing on the court yet. I’m sure one day you’ll get there, Kei,” he said softly, that warm smile still on the captain’s face. “If you ever want to play around a little, Bokuto, Akaashi and I will be in the third gym this evening. Probably Hinata and the idiot beanpole on my team who can’t receive to save his life will be there as well, but I’m hoping Yaku can deal with him again so I can focus on you.”

Tsukishima nodded and gently nudged him with his arm. “I’ll definitely think about it, as long as you’re keeping an eye on me. Like I said, sometimes things trigger me unexpectedly. Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. What about you, Mr. Captain,” he said with a smile. “You’re certainly not shabby at volleyball, but I didn’t expect to find you as captain. I mean, it makes sense in a way, you’re kind from the bottom of your heart, but still... Hinata kept on calling you weird and provocative so even consider you two behind the same person.”

Kuroo laughed, seeming to find that last part quite funny. “Well, I would happen to call myself a provocation master, but I never actually mean any harm. It’s more of a strategy to get people involved in volleyball, or to unnerve the other team. Shrimpy is just really easy to tease since he’s so similar to Bokuto,” he explained, before thinking for another moment. “And captain? It just kind of happened I guess. Yaku can’t be captain since he’s the Libero, and Kai isn’t the right fit. Plus, Kenma voted for me and he’s indifferent about pretty much everything so that makes his vote more valid or something.”

“I guess that makes sense,” he replied with a shrug, looking up at him. “Also, I’m not sure if you noticed, but Kenma-san and Hinata definitely have a thing for each other. I think that’s something he’s not indifferent about.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow and smirked at that, an amused glint in his eyes. “Oya? I mean, I was kind of suspicious of Kenma since I’ve known him for a while, but I don’t know the shrimp well enough,” he explained. “We moved when I was ten, and Kenma was my neighbour, still is. He’s like my little brother, almost, I like to pester him and I always have to go over to tell him to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, I get it. Tadashi’s pretty much been my best friend since the start of middle school and he’s like a brother to me as well. I was homeschooled for quite a while since I just couldn’t deal with people. My brother tries, but he doesn’t really know how to help me. But Tadashi, he was kind of an outcast since he didn’t really have any friends, which was dumb because he’s literally the sweetest and most thoughtful person, and he just kind of stuck around. I didn’t make it easy for him, I can assure you, but he’s just always there and always knows how to calm me down,” Kei explained softly, looking down and letting out a shaky sigh. “Nevermind, anyways, weren’t you in the middle of a game, Tetsu?”

“Technically yes, but you’re way more important than a practise match. Besides, it’ll be the afternoon tea break when everyone’s finished their matches, so I’m really only missing out on one set. Don’t sweat it, Kei. I’m glad I got to talk to you again,” Tetsurou assured him, once again beginning to stroke through his blond hair and giving him a warm smile. “It’s getting quite windy and cold out here though, would you be fine to go inside?”

Kei looked up at him and smiled a little, feeling a bit better once more. “Yeah, that’s fine,” he agreed softly, hugging Kuroo tighter for a moment before pulling away. The other male stood up and then helped him up, that warm smile on Kuroo’s lips as he gestured for him to follow. 

Sure enough, as they went inside they saw that there were some tables set up in the corner with some fruit on it for the afternoon tea break. Everyone was pretty much finished up, and either had their fruit or were going to get some. “So, Kei, do you want to get some strawberries? They’re still your favourite, right?” Kuroo asked with a smile, tilting his head. 

‘Cute.’ Not only was the action cute, but it meant a lot that even after all this time Tetsurou hadn’t forgotten that he loved strawberries. “Mhm, though I just can’t have too many or else I won’t eat dinner, and apparently it’s better that I have a small meal at dinner than eat heaps of strawberries in the afternoon.”

“I mean, that is a fair point. You need the protein and the carbs and stuff with dinner, you don’t get a balanced diet if you just eat strawberries,” Kuroo pointed out, grabbing a napkin and putting five strawberries on there before offering it to him. “Is this good?”

Tsukishima smiled a little and nodded, taking the napkin from him. “Yes, thanks, Tetsu,” he said softly, watching as the captain grabbed some watermelon slices. He had to admit, the watermelon did look nice, but he definitely wouldn’t be able to finish a whole slice along with his strawberries so he didn’t say anything.

“Hey, how would you feel if I grabbed Kenma, and you grabbed your friend, and we have the break with the four of us? Would that be alright with you?” Kuroo asked, taking a bite of one of the watermelon slices. 

“I wouldn’t mind it, and I don’t think Tadashi would either. Kenma is quiet, so I’m not worried.” Tsukishima gave him a small smile and looked over at Yamaguchi, who was just finishing up his conversation with Sugawara. The freckled boy waved and ran over, a smiling brighter when he saw how relaxed the blond was. 

“Hey, Tsukki,” he said happily, humming softly. “I see things went well with you two? I’m glad, you’re really important to him, Kuroo-san.”

Kuroo smiled and gently wrapped his arm around Tsukishima, causing the latter to blush, but he didn’t try to push him away. “Yup, and he’s important to me too, so don’t you worry. I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced; Kuroo Tetsurou, at your service. Thanks for taking good care of Kei for me,” he said, giving the green haired boy a toothy grin.

“Oh, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, and it’s no problem, Kuroo-san. Tsukki’s my best friend, I’m more than happy to look after him,” he replied, grinning up at Tsukishima who just blushed darker and moved closer to Kuroo. 

Kuroo just grinned at that, though there was a sense of fondness in his gaze as he looked down at Tsukishima. “Tsukki, eh? Cute nickname, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that one. Oh well, I like Moonshine better,” he said, the last part more quietly so only the blond could hear. Then, towards Yamaguchi; “Please, no need for the formalities. Just Kuroo is fine, Yamaguchi. I think we’ll get along just fine.”

Tsukishima just listened as they sat down and the pair began to talk, content to just be close to the both of them. He had finished his strawberries, but now that he saw the watermelon he was actually craving a taste of it. He didn’t want to ruin his appetite though, so he just stayed quiet. 

“Do you want some watermelon, Kei?” The words surprised him a little and he jumped from where he was sitting. “You keep on glancing over at it, and unless my hands are magically the most interesting thing in the world I doubt you’d stare at them. You can have a bite of some of mine, I don’t mind sharing with you.”

Tsukishima blushed once more as he glanced up at Kuroo, nodding a little. “If that’s okay, Tetsu,” he said softly, taking the piece of watermelon. Tetsurou had already started eating it, so the thought of it basically being an indirect kiss made his heart beat faster. Kuroo had said that it was alright, though, so he took a bite of it, sighing happily after. It was sweet and juicy without being soggy, and that one bite was enough. “Thanks,” he mumbled as he passed it back, trying his best to ignore the incredulous look that Tadashi had given him. 

It wasn’t too long until Kenma came over, sitting down with them as well. It was obvious neither of them were very good at small talk, so they just kind of listened to the other two continue their conversation about some volleyball team. That didn’t last long, though, and Kuroo soon had his attention on the boy with pudding coloured hair. “So, Kenma, a little bird told me that you have a crush on shrimpy,” he prompted, that sly grin on his lips.

Kenma paled and blushed simultaneously, hiding his face in his hands. “I didn’t tell anyone, how did someone find out?” Tsukishima actually felt a little bad for him, and sighed softly. 

“Erm, my apologies, Kenma-san. That may have been me, it was just an inkling that I had because of the way you two looked each other. It’s like a sort of longing, like you want to be with him but don’t want to risk anything and ruin your friendship. Hinata also has a habit of talking about you pretty much non stop, and you two seemed to fit well together, so in my head it just seemed to make sense.”

Kei blushed a little as he felt the group looking at him in surprise, particularly Yamaguchi and Kuroo. “Since when did you get so good at relationship stuff, Tsukki! Do you have a secret sixth sense you aren’t telling me about?” Yamaguchi asked, pouting yet still clearly looking for an answer.

“I don’t believe so. I’ve known I liked boys since I was five, though, so I guess I can relate to the whole hiding feelings thing. I also tend to be overly observant about people since I’m crappy at trusting people. It’s really not a big deal though,” he mumbled, looking down. He figured they were all chill with people in same sex relationships since they hadn’t been rude to Kenma, but he was still a little nervous since this was technically him coming out. 

Yamaguchi just looked at him in surprise, tilting his head. “Not really a big deal? You’ve known for over ten years, yet you didn’t feel it was necessary to mention it once? Tsukki!” the boy whined, his tone of voice more childish than anything. When he looked up, his friend was pouting, but not really angry or upset, and it helped him to breathe a sigh of relief. 

“It’s not exactly like I was hiding it either, Tadashi,” he retorted, rolling his eyes and sending his friend a small smile to let him know he wasn’t in a bad mood. “I literally never blink an eye when it comes to any girls that exist, never. I just don’t understand what the appeal is about, honestly. Never have, never will.”

“Oh, come on! You always seemed to understand what I meant about Yachi being sweet and kind and really pretty. I thought that was your type too or something, I don’t know,” Yamaguchi defended, freckled cheeks blushing a deep red.

“Nope. I’m glad you don’t mind, but also, I don’t get how you didn’t realise. I don’t even really have a type, as long as they’re kind. If they’re pretty, then that’s just a bonus.”

Kuroo wheezed at the bluntness of Tsukishima’s words compared to Yamaguchi’s expressiveness, but nodded in agreement and calmed down enough to speak. “I mean, fair enough. Girls are nice, and I wouldn’t mind dating one, but I must say that guys are much better. I’m bi, but I’m male leaning, so I think you’re pretty much on your own, Yamaguchi.”

The green haired boy just pouted, and Kenma was finally not so much a blushing mess anymore. He glanced towards Tsukishima, obviously wanting a more private conversation than one with the whole group. He gently moved away from Kuroo, sitting closer to Kenma and continuing the conversation with him. “You said Shouyou talks about me, Tsukishima-san? What sort of things does he say...” he asked quietly, kind of hiding behind his hair. 

“Too much stuff to say it all. Mostly stuff about how cool you are, but sometimes he says that your eyes are pretty and your wings are kind of like a calico cat so you’re like a kitten. I don’t think you have to worry about any of that stuff, Kenma-san,” he said softly, glancing over at Hinata who was jumping around with Bokuto and Lev. “Hinata can be annoying, but he’s almost like a little brother in away. A really annoying little brother, the type you want to be angry at but can’t help but be fond of in a way. We banter, but he never really says anything really rude or hurtful. He’ll treat you well.”

Kenma nodded up at him with a slight blush, before whispering something to him so that it would be certain that neither of the others would notice. “Good luck with Kuroo, too. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and the way you look at him. I know you’ve only just seen each other again, and you have some things going on in your life, but if you feel up to it I don’t think he’d say no to a confession.” He gave Tsukishima a half smile and then gestured towards his phone, opening a game. “Anyways, I’ve just got this new game for when I’m bored, it’s where you make a zoo with dinosaurs. Did you want to play with me?”

Tsukishima looked at the boy with a blush but didn’t deny anything, since there was no point doing so. At the second question though he thought for a moment, before nodding and moving closer so they could both see the screen. “I’d like that, Kenma-san.” The two started playing, while Yamaguchi and Kuroo kept on talking about something. As the break ended and it was time for everyone else to return to Volleyball, Kei couldn’t help but feel that life wasn’t so bad.

He’d come out, made a new friend, and finally admitted that Hinata, despite being annoying, was actually someone he didn’t mind. Yes, as he looked up and saw Tetsu and Tadashi smiling at him, for the moment Kei genuinely felt happy from the bottom of his heart.


	5. 4

Tsukishima actually enjoyed the rest of that afternoon, and could focus a lot better. Whenever Kuroo saw him he would smile or wave or wink and basically just let him know that he was there, which was nice. 

That evening he joined Tetsurou and his friends (Akaashi and Bokuto) for dinner, while Yamaguchi sat with Yachi and seemed to be connecting really well with her. The blond male found himself getting along well with Akaashi just as Hinata had predicted, and though he was still mostly quiet he actually was a part of the conversation. Mostly though it was Kuroo and Bokuto blabbering about something or another that neither he nor Akaashi were interested in. 

It was nice to have another friend, and though Kei didn’t understand how he was making so many friends on this camp he was glad for it. He had gotten Kuroo, Kenma and Akaashi’s number, and considering he only had four contacts in his phone before (Yamaguchi, Hinata, Akiteru and their mother) it was quite a big thing for him. It almost doubled the contacts he had.

After dinner, he headed off to the third Gym with Kuroo, the third year quite excited. Apparently it was a quite exclusive club or something. Still, Kei could tell that the other was really just happy that he was coming along, and that meant the world to him. 

They were the first ones there and they set up the volleyball net together. Akaashi and Bokuto came next, followed by Hinata and Lev coming last. Yamaguchi had mentioned going into the other gym to practice serves and other things with some of the other members, but since they both knew Kuroo would be there they weren’t worried. 

“Tsukki! You actually came!” Hinata exclaimed excitedly when he saw the tall blond, jumping about and running over to him. “Does that mean you’re going to block some of my spikes? I want to see if I’ve gotten good enough to get past you yet.”

Tsukishima shrugged and thought for a moment. “I can, but Kageyama is off doing other practice, right? You have to ask Akaashi if he’s alright setting to you, otherwise there’ll be no way for you to spike. I can’t set to you and block at the same time,” he explained, glancing to the dark haired setter.

At hearing Hinata repeat the request, he glanced to Tsukishima and nodded. “Yeah, it’s no big deal. Yaku didn’t want to deal with Lev so Kuroo will probably be stuck whipping him into shape for a bit, are you fine to block Bokuto-san as well?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he agreed, taking a deep breath. Hinata he could block for easily, the orange haired male was completely non-threatening and bright. He could tell that Bokuto was harmless, but he was still much more intimidating than Hinata. That was what he was slightly worried about. The spiky haired male seemed to perk up warm he heard that Tsukishima would be blocking him, and he bounded over, looking like he was going to crush Kei in a hug.

He was pretty much frozen like a deer in headlights, since when it came to people he didn’t know well he hated any sorts of physical affection and it made him uncomfortable. Surprisingly it was Hinata that ended up standing in front of Bokuto, before Akaashi bonked his head. “Bokuto-senpai, remember what I told you, baka! No being touchy-feely with our manager,” the shorter said, crossing his arms. 

Akaashi nodded in agreement and bonked him on the head again. “Bokuto-san, you may have meant well but Tsukishima probably doesn’t like hugs and things unless he knows or is comfortable with the person,” he scolded, causing the owl-like teen to immediately look guilty and bow in apology.

“I’m sorry, Tsukki! I’m a bad sempai, I should have asked you if it was alright first. I promise not to do anything again,” Bokuto said sincerely, standing up straight and awaiting a response. Tsukishima was still a little startled, but he managed to awkwardly give the teen a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry, just don’t do it again,” Tsukishima said, looking thankfully at Hinata am Akaashi. The former just grinned and waved his hand in a ‘don’t worry about it’ way, and the latter just gave him a half smile. 

Now that the whole situation was over, they warmed up a little, to make sure that none of them would get injuries from not being warmed up. Kuroo and Lev were already playing on the other side of the gym, if you could call it playing. Lev kept on failing to receive the ball properly, proving that he really did need all the practice to improve. Tsukishima wished he could play with Kuroo, but he didn’t want to interfere with them since he knew the training was important. 

The thing was, he knew he couldn’t play for long since his stamina was crappy, and he didn’t want to take off his jacket. His arms were covered with old yet visible scars, and he didn’t want people knowing just how bad his depression had once been, especially people he’d only just met. He just wanted to spend the time he could with Tetsurou, since he actually felt happier when he was with the older male.

Tsukishima gave the two teens a few spikes each to get accustomed to the tosses, watching the whole time what they were doing and how they did things. He knew Hinata well enough, and he had a decent idea about how Bokuto played from watching the practice matches, but that was different from the ball being spiked from a blockers point of view.

Hinata got the first toss, the boy jumping up into the air and preparing to hit the ball. ‘Wait for it, just a little longer... now!’ With a smack and a thud, the ball hit the ground on the spiker’s side of the net, having been successfully blocked. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to the shorter, who just pouted and complained about his wings being in the wrong position. See the thing was, they weren’t allowed to use their wings, as was the case in many sports, and they could get penalised for flapping them midair if it seemed to be for their advantage. 

For spikers and blockers, that meant that before they jumped they had to position their wings optimally so as not to hinder their jump. This was something that Hinata had struggled with a lot at first, and it was where Tsukishima often gave him pointers for. He didn’t have wings, but he’d studied how professionals positioned them to get an idea of the type of spikes they would go for. It was something that aided when it came to read blocking, the type that Kei had worked hard to get down, especially since he didn’t actually play much. For some people, wings gave away everything, for others they didn’t give away much and you had to look at other factors. 

Bokuto had seemed impressed with his block though, and seemed determined to break through Tsukishima’s block first try. The blond took a deep breath, focused, and then watched. ‘Ah, it looks like he’s going for a cross but his wings are more in the position for someone doing a straight. I doubt I can shut him out, but if I tilt my hands like this...’

Bokuto hit the spike, but it didn’t pass through Tsukishima’s hands or return back. Instead, it flew up into the air, landing in the middle back part of the court. The spiky haired boy seemed ecstatic and did his usual ‘Hey, hey, hey!’, before Akaashi rolled his eyes. “Nice one touch, Tsukishima, that was well done. Right towards where the libero would probably be in a game situation, and it looked easy enough to receive. I know Hinata-san said you were good, but to do that for one of Bokuto’s spikes first try? That’s something special,” the setter praised, before looking towards his ace. “Don’t get too cocky, just because you’re only facing one blocker doesn’t mean you can’t be stopped.”

Tsukishima blushed softly at the praise (he really wasn’t used to it), and thanked Akaashi. While Bokuto was being scolded he said something to Hinata, unaware of impressed hazel eyes look if at him from across the gym. 

x-X-x

They continued doing that for about half an hour, before Tsukishima felt like he was going to overheat. He excused himself from the group to get a drink of water from his bottle just as Kuroo came over. Lev was in a puddle of sweat on the ground, and didn’t look like he would be moving anytime soon. “You’re really good, you know, Kei,” the dark haired teen said softly, giving him a warm smile and having some water himself. “Even I couldn’t one touch Bokuto’s spike the first time I played against him, let alone do it multiple times. You’re one of the best read blockers I’ve seen, and I’ve played against heaps of good blockers in my time. I’m not just saying it either, I really mean it. It’ll be cool to block Bokuto along with you, I think together we’d be unstoppable.”

Tsukishima blushed softly and nodded, giving him a small smile. “Thank you, Tetsu, that means a lot. Ever since we met it’s always been my dream to play volleyball for real, so I tried really hard to learn even if I couldn’t really play,” he explained, placing down his water and fiddling with his jacket hem. He really, desperately wanted to play alongside Kuroo, but he wasn’t sure what to do about his jacket. “I think it’s getting too hot for me to play, though.” His voice was barely a whisper and held a hint of sadness and fear.

It wasn’t much, but in combination with the other signs Kuroo had a good idea of what was going on. “Look, Moonshine, I don’t want to force you into anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable or upset, but I will say this much. Lev’s over there so he won’t be bothering you about it. Hinata seems like a good guy and I saw him stop Bokuto from hugging you earlier without making a huge deal so I don’t think he’d be rude or tease you about it. Akaashi, well, he’s Akaashi and he would never insult anyone for their hardships, and believe it or not Bokuto had a pretty hard time in his first year and he knows exactly what it’s like. My point is, if you want to take your jacket off and keep playing, none of us will judge you for your scars.”

Kei looked up at Tetsurou, who was smiling warmly at him, and gave him a quick hug. “Thank you again, Tetsu,” he murmured, pulling away from the hug before unzipping his Karasuno jacket. He slipped it off, allowing the scars that covered his forearms to be shown to the world, and walking back over. Just as Kuroo had said, Hinata didn’t make a fuss, Akaashi gave him an understanding smile, and Bokuto’s eyes just widened in recognition before he grinned and sent him a thumbs up. It was almost as if he was silently saying ‘congrats for making it through’, ‘I’m proud of you’ and ‘good job’ at the same time. 

As he glanced up at Kuroo who was now standing next to him on the opposite side of the net than everyone else, there was a somewhat sad yet proud look in his eyes. “Don’t you worry, Tetsu, I don’t want to do anything like that ever again. I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” Tsukishima assured him, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze along with giving him a genuine smile. 

As they continued to play volleyball together, Kei could once again say he was genuinely happy and enjoying himself. There was a sense of community and acceptance and he could truly be free and be himself without anyone being rude.

And so, at the end of the day when he was back in the room after showering and brushing his teeth, he gave Yamaguchi a smile. “I had lots of fun today, Tadashi. Thank you for bringing me along, really.”

“Really? I’m glad, Tsukki. I hope the rest of the week is just as fun, too! Now get some rest, m’kay?”

For once, he was able to do as told, falling asleep a few minutes after. Tsukishima slept through the whole night, his dreams filled with finally being reunited with his Tetsu. He would enjoy the good times as much as he could, because life had a bad habit of screwing him over as soon as an ounce of happiness returned, and Kei feared that this time would be no different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed these last two chapters of somewhat fluff... if all goes as planned then next chapter will lead us right back into angst city, along with many tears and a large dose of comfort
> 
> I’m not going to lie, I’m enjoying writing this friendship between Hinata and Tsukishima a lot, and I’m thinking of developing a friendship between Tsukki and Bokuto as well, and I hope you like it as much as I do (I think someone mentioned they liked how Hinata thought Tsukki would be good friends with Akaashi along those lines- and I’m like ‘yes thank goodness someone understands’)
> 
> Anyways ily all, thanks so much for all y’all lovely people who comment! It’s my favourite thing to see a message in my inbox since someone’s commented and I love reading them even more! Thanks for the support and I’ll see you all again very soon!


	6. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the second half of this chapter is hella angsty and basically throughout the chapter there is mentions of depression and stuff. I think the tags and warnings in the synopsis cover most of the triggers but idk. I promised you angst so...

Tsukishima woke up at about six am, well rested and actually looking forward to the day. He stretched before getting up and heading to the bathroom with his clothes for the morning to get changed, making sure to be quiet not to disturb anybody. Unfortunately, when he got there, Hinata was already there and somehow Bokuto was as well even though Fukurodani was in a different area of the building.

The pair, who moments ago had been quietly yet expressively talking about spiking, immediately turned to look at him and grinned when they saw him. “Tsukki! Good morning!” Hinata said happily, Bokuto saying the same aside from adding ‘Hey, hey, hey!’ before he said it.

“Morning,” he said quietly, nodding in acknowledgment of their presence. “How is it that you two are here of all places this early in the morning. Especially you, Bokuto-san,” he asked, rolling his eyes and awaiting an answer. Perhaps he had a good sleep, but it didn’t mean he liked being awake this early in the morning, with loud people.

“We’re both up super early to practise and nobody else was, and like we have a third gym group chat and it turns out both Hinata and I were awake so we met up here since we aren’t meant to be out of our rooms until six thirty unless we’re going to the bathroom,” Bokuto explained, as if it made the most sense in the world. “Besides, my hair always takes a while to get this cool, so I had to spike it up.”

Hinata nodded in agreement and then suddenly remembered something. “Right, speaking of the chat, we weren’t sure whether to add you since you don’t usually text people much, so Kuroo said that either he or I could ask you before adding you. Do you wanna join?”

Tsukishima blinked in surprise, tilting his head for a moment in thought and nodding. “Technically I’m just a manager and not really on any of the teams, but if you want me to join then that’s okay,” he said with a shrug, hoping he wasn’t getting in too deep with this whole situation by agreeing.

The pair grinned and Hinata added him to the group, while Bokuto came over with a frown, beginning to lightly scold him. “Tsukki, don’t say things like that! Just ‘cause you’re a manager doesn’t mean you’re any less a part of Karasuno, and especially any less part of our group. You’re our friend, you’re one of us, m’kay? And don’t you forget it.”

Bokuto saw him as a friend? They’d not even really talked much aside from volleyball, he didn’t quite understand how he could be part of a group that he knew had been there for much longer than he was. His expression softened into a small smile, and he nodded. “Thank you, Bokuto,” he whispered, looking up at him. The male just grinned and gave him a thumbs up, before letting him get changed. 

Once he’d changed, Kei left the stall and went to the sink. While Hinata and Bokuto talked, he brushed his teeth, ran a brush through his hair and then put some moisturiser on his face. It was another one of those things that he did to make him feel a bit better about himself, since his skin was nicer and softer if he moisturised. 

Surprisingly, when he was done he continued to talk to the pair, simply dropping his stuff off in his room and grabbing his bag (the one with his phone, headphones, water, Rex, his notebook and pen). As soon as it got to six thirty they all headed outside to the grassy hill, and it was on the way that he realised that Bokuto already had his long knee pads on, yet training didn’t start for another hour and a half at least. 

The third year seemed to notice his staring, and just gave him a sad smile before pointing to his arms. Oh. So Bokuto really had been through something similar, and the knee pads covered up his scars. Tsukishima mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ since he hadn’t meant to pry, but Bokuto shook his head and sent back a ‘don’t be’ along with a softer smile.

Hinata looked at the pair of them in confusion when he realised they weren’t talking but were conversing, but didn’t pry in case it was something private. Quietly, Tsukishima started up the conversation again, so the silence didn’t get awkward. “Um, anyways, I’ve been curious about something for a while. Is your hair dyed, Bokuto, or was it natural like that along with your wings?”

Bokuto grinned, sitting down across from Tsukishima and Hinata, clearly happy to talk about that topic. The teen had mostly white wings, with some black feathers in there, like little black circles. “Well, my wings are like, super cool. It’s always been something I liked about myself, since wings with other colours other than your hair colour is cool, especially white! I started dyeing it at the beginning of my second year after I got through everything as a mark of my self confidence being back. By putting the white streaks in my hair, it was my way of saying to the world that I didn’t care about what they thought about me anymore, that I would be myself.”

Tsukishima smiled a little at that and nodded, while Hinata was more verbal. “Woah! I think that’s really cool, Bokuto-senpai!” the boy exclaimed, his own orange wings movie up and down. “My wings are just the same colour as my hair, or my hair is the same colour as my wings, but it’s really rare in Japan so I think it’s cool. My sister has the same hair colour as mine yet hers are pink and orange.”

Kuroo, who had just walked over, sat down beside Tsukishima with a raised eyebrow. “Pink and orange? That’s pretty cool,” he commented, giving Tsukishima a smile and wrapping his arm around the blond. “Even so, there’s only ever been one pair of wings that’s truly taken my breath away.“

Kei stiffened a little when he saw how Tetsurou was looking at him, letting him know that it had been his wings, and the other male immediately had an apologetic look. It was a little bit of a touchy subject for both of them; Tsukishima had felt those wings being separated from him, and Kuroo had seen the bloodied back afterwards. “Don’t worry, Tetsu,” the blond mumbled so only they could hear, “I appreciate the thought.”

The third year nodded but still looked a little guilty, since Tsukki was no longer as relaxed as before. Bokuto had noticed, and frowned at Kuroo, getting the wrong idea from the situation. “Kuroo, bro, you can’t just hug Tsukki like that, he clearly looks uncomfortable,” he pointed out, a concerned look in those golden eyes. Huh, Tsukishima hadn’t realised that Bokuto was so protective of him.

“It’s fine, Bokuto, I don’t mind if it’s Tetsu,” he assured, taking a deep breath and giving him a sad smile. “He was just referring to my wings, when he said that there was only one pair that had taken his breath away. They were pure white, not a hint of other colour on them. We used to be neighbours years ago, back when I still had my wings. That’s how he knows.”

He only watched as Bokuto’s eyes widened in recognition, before saddening and nodding. “No wonder,” he whispered, the three of them mutually understanding the situation. The spiky haired teen had heard from Kuroo about Kei years ago, back when the pain had still been fresh. Every now and then it came up, with Kuroo just letting out his bottled up emotions to him, Akaashi and Kenma. It was just Hinata who hadn’t known the story, but he at least knew it was serious and not something to ask about.

“Hey, Tsukki? If you or Kuroo-san don’t mind sharing, I’d like to hear more about your wings,” Hinata said, his voice gentle. At the very least, he’d figured it might help the blond get rid of some of the weight that was holding him down. At least, he hoped that it would be the case, and that he didn’t overstep his bounds.

Tetsurou and Kei shared a glance, silently conversing through nods and looking into each other’s eyes. “Kei’s wings,” Kuroo began, his voice gentle yet sad and nostalgic, “were the most beautiful wings that I have ever seen and ever will see. Pure white, soft, an always meticulously preened. We used to help each other take care of our wings; I’d never cared much for looking after them until I met him, but it soon became something special. My favourite memory of them was from the night we met. It was nighttime and in front of our apartment doors. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the moon was full and bright. The way the light landed on his wings, it was like his wings were made of silver. If my wings were midnight, his were the moonlight.”

The atmosphere was a strange combination of tense yet comfortable, and as Kei listened to Tetsurou’s words about his wings he couldn’t help but feel his heart clench painfully and his eyes water with tears unshed. “I don’t know why he took them away, maybe he was jealous of them, or maybe I’d done something wrong. I could never do anything right, I was never good enough, not for him. I just want to know why he did it.”

Tsukishima closed his eyes as a tear slipped out, and right now he didn’t even care that he was being weak around Hinata and Bokuto. He’d been holding in that question for so long, he’d been so scared to voice it to anyone and so he never had. Why now, with these people?

His hands were clenching his jacket so hard that his knuckles were turning white, and he felt himself beginning to shake in Kuroo’s arms. He just wanted to shut out the world, to disappear and curl up somewhere, and so he didn’t want to open his eyes.

Kei only opened his eyes when he felt two pairs of hands on his, and instead began to grab onto Bokuto and Hinata’s hands instead. The shorter boy gave him a sad smile, yet there was not a single bit of pity or judgement in those brown eyes. “Tsukishima, you’ve always been a mystery to me,” Hinata said, his voice quiet and full of care that Kei hadn’t realised was possible from him, “but never once have I truly thought of you as a bad person. You would come along and sit when Yamaguchi had practice, and you were salty as hell, but you never truly seemed to mean anything you said. I still remember the day you first pointed out something wrong with my blocks. I asked you to do it better, and so I spiked a ball for you to block, and first try you blocked it flawlessly.

I don’t know what it was, but you just looked free when you blocked it, like you really enjoyed playing. That’s why I was always pestering you to block for me even when I was still working on my spikes, because not only are you really good but you look happier when you play. You aren’t a bad person, and you did nothing to deserve what happened. You’re Tsukki, smart, great at blocking and a part of the family that is our team. You might have lots of secrets and things that have happened to you that I don’t understand, but that doesn’t change that you’re my friend and I’m really thankful for you helping me out a lot! Even if you’re different and you don’t have wings, that’s just a part of who you are. I really look forward to the day when we can play volleyball together as a team. I think then that you’ll really be flying even if you don’t have wings, because you’ll be happy and free just like that day; just like last night.”

Tsukishima watched Hinata as he spoke, feeling something like a weight beginning to lift from his chest. He’d never known how much Hinata actually noticed and payed attention to him, that he actually cared and really wanted to be friends with him. He glanced from the shorter male to Kuroo, who smiled gently and brushed the tears away with his thumb before any more could fall. 

Then, he looked to Bokuto, who gave him an understanding smile before speaking up, obviously more serious about this sort of topic. “In my first year at Fukurodani, the third years didn’t treat me well at all. They made fun of me because I was loud and my moods were erratic and because I could never focus. They made fun of me because I liked guys, and when they asked if I liked anyone I told them I liked Akaashi, which is true, since we’ve known each other for ages. Even if they didn’t know him, the setters wouldn’t set to me because of it and my problems, and I felt trapped in life. 

I didn’t want to bother anyone with my problems, and I blamed myself for their treatment. I blamed the way that I was, even if I couldn’t help my lack of focus and the mood changes, and even if all of my friends outside of school didn’t mind it still felt like they were just putting up with me and didn’t really want me there. They noticed something was wrong, but I always hid my feelings behind a smile and never shared since I thought they would come out and say they felt that way the whole time, and then I would truly have nobody. I didn’t want Akaashi to hate me, to look at me with the same disgust as they did, to treat me the way they did.”

Bokuto took a deep breath, looking down and taking a moment to breathe. Not a moment later, Akaashi (who had just come over) had wrapped his arms around him, kissed his cheek, and quietly assured him it was okay. Bokuto smiled a little, and after another deep breath continued to talk. “It got really bad, until there was no way of hiding my hurt from them all. I was so prepared, ready for Kuroo to laugh at me and for Akaashi to hate me and for the whole team to know and join in on the ‘fun’. But none of them were like that, Tsukki. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, because no longer was I alone in my suffering and my hurt. And I know you’ve struggled and been through more than me, and for longer than me, but now that you’ve met all of us I need you to know that we won’t just abandon you and treat you like dirt. 

That’s a promise, Tsukishima Kei. I will always be here if you need to talk, even if I’m usually immature and overly excitable I will not hesitate to listen to you if somethings bothering you. Kuroo cares about you so much, and I know that if you ever feel down he would be willing to look after you for however long it takes.” Bokuto smiled at him, though there was a serious look in his eyes. “Akaashi might not be as close to you as the rest of us, but he’s really good at listening to things and giving logical advice on things that have been bugging you for ages. And Hinata might not have been through the same as the rest of us, but I can see that he wants to be your friend and someone that can cheer you up when you’ve been upset. You’ve got the green haired kid, and that third year setter on your team as well, and I think I saw you hanging out with Kenma yesterday and if you’re friends he’s also good to talk to like Akaashi.” 

Tsukishima could tell that Bokuto meant everything he’d said, and for a moment he felt so small yet so important. There were all these people, some of whom he’d barely known for a day, yet they were already trying to help him out and making their way into his life and his heart. 

“You’ll never have to be alone like that again, Kei,” Tetsurou whispered, giving him a smile and wrapping his wing around him. “Even when this camp is over, you’re welcome to call whenever, even the early hours of the morning.”

Akaashi nodded and gave him a half smile. “We’ve been through our share of crap, and now it’s our turn to help you get through it too. It won’t be easy, but like Kou said, if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. It’s always easier when there’s somebody to share the load with.”

Tsukishima looked at all of them, and wondered how he’d gotten so lucky so as to find so many wonderful people as his friends. “I feel, um, thank you. I don’t know why you all want to be friends with me, but I’m glad that you are. It’s nice, being able to share, without feeling like I’m going to be judged. It’s like I’m not so worried, anymore. I’ve never really had a friend group before, but it makes me happy. Life’s not so bad anymore. And Bokuto, Hinata, thank you two especially. You two were the last people I’d expected to be friends with since we’re so different, but now I see that I should have expected it. Just like Tetsu, and like Tadashi, coming into my life and just being really genuine, kind people, people that I find I don’t want to lose.”

Bokuto and Hinata grinned, letting go of his hands now that he was relaxed. “It’s no problem, Tsukki!” they chirped, slipping back to being their usual happy selves. 

“Anyways, did I happen to see that you joined our little group chat? Congratulations, be prepared for Bokuto to spam you with owl facts and memes now that he can get your number,” Kuroo said, an amused smile on his face. His eyes told Kei everything though, that he really cared just as much, if not more than the others did.

“Oh, you’re right! I can get your number now,” Bokuto said excitedly, pulling out his phone and saving the contact. Tsukishima groaned at the realisation, but in his eyes it was clear he didn’t think he would really mind. At least that way, he would know that Bokuto really considered him a friend, if he bothered to send things like that to Tsukishima.

Kuroo grinned, before leaning and whispering something in Tsukishima’s ear, causing the blond to laugh. “Yeah, that’s a good idea, Tetsu,” he agreed, glancing at Bokuto. “I will accept your owl facts and memes, Bokuto. But just know, I’m just as passionate about dinosaurs as you are about owls, so you will also receive spam regarding dinosaurs.”

He would deny that he felt happy seeing Bokuto so excited at the prospect, and hearing that Hinata wanted to know about Dinosaurs through facts and memes too. Needless to say, when he walked into the dining hall and sat with Tadashi, Sugawara and Daichi for breakfast, they noticed the small smile he couldn’t help get rid of.

Kei couldn’t fly, but he certainly felt more happy, more free than he’d felt in years.

x-X-x 

The rest of the day was once again enjoyable, and he actually had the wonderful problem of having too many friends to hang out with and talk to all at once. He watched the games, and especially when they were versing Fukurodani and Nekoma he would enjoy those. Bokuto would excitedly ask Akaashi if he’d seen the spike he’d done, and then he’d ask Tsukishima and Hinata if they’d seen the spike as well. Kuroo would send him smiles during the game and Kenma would wave and say hello when he came over with the team. It was pleasant, being surrounded by people that enjoyed his company, and he found himself being more talkative than ever.

Oh, what a life he was living, where the biggest worries on his mind were how to deal with his massive crush on his childhood best friend, and helping Kenma and Hinata get together. He smiled the most he’d ever smiled, and thought he was somewhat snarky it wasn’t to push people away or as a barrier. 

It was about five when the practise games stopped, so people could have an hour of free time before dinner which the managers were making. They had a roster on meals, and though Tsukishima technically wasn’t on it since he only decided to come a couple of days before, he still wanted to help out a little bit. 

He was just walking inside the kitchen when he saw the managers that were already there stressing about something. He stood at the doorway, kind of hidden from view as he listened to them. “We don’t have nearly enough rice,” one of the first years from a different team was saying, clearly freaking out. “There’s seventy five hungry volleyball players, not to mention about ten managers, and fifteen supervising staff and coaches. One bag of rice will not feed one hundred people,” she exclaimed. 

“Is there nothing else we can use? It’s starting to get dark and the third years that can drive have other jobs to do. Some of us need to cook the curry and vegetables as well,” another said, biting her lip. “Even if the store is a five minute fly from here, I don’t feel like it’s safe for us to be out at night.”

One of the other girls thought for a moment before perking up. “Hey, isn’t there that tall blond manager from Karasuno? Y’know, the wingless guy? You want to ask him if he can head down and get some for us?”

“I would, but he seems so weird and unapproachable. From what I’ve seen he seems snobbish, like he thinks he’s better than us or something,” the second girl said, not noticing that the other girls had seen him step forward. She immediately paled and apologised, and though Tsukishima felt his heart clench and heard that little voice in his head taunting him, he plastered on a smile.

“Don’t apologise, I don’t take it personally,” he lied calmly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I’m fine to head down there, don’t worry.”

The girl sighed in relief and nodded, moving over to where they kept the money for groceries and passing him some. “That should be enough to get about ten bags, since we need rice for the morning, too,” she said. Tsukishima nodded and left the room, waiting outside the door and out of view. “That was terrifying, he’s so tall and kinda scary,” the same girl said, thinking he’d left.

Kei just clenched his fists and quietly slipped out of the school, heading down to the town guided by the street lights. It wasn’t until he was down there until he realised he didn’t know what direction the store was, but he was too upset to go back up and ask them for directions, and he’d left his phone back up in the gym in his bag so he couldn’t call anyone. 

Instead, he decided to walk up to a group of young adults, perhaps in their early to mid twenties. Most of them weren’t particularly approachable but there wasn’t really anyone else around that he could possibly ask for help. That being the case, he decided to go for the people that would intimidate him least and that wouldn’t take things the wrong way. “Excuse me, would you be able to tell me where the store is?” he asked one of the women quietly, trying not to disturb everyone and just quickly get an answer so he could get the rice and get back. He was already weird and unapproachable, right? So he didn’t want to disappoint the other managers by not being able to do a simple task such as buying rice from the store.

She gave him a smile, as if to say ‘no need to be so tense’ and was about to give him the directions. Before she was able to respond though, one of the guys in the group glared at him and came over. Even when it was this early, his breath reeked of alcohol. The stench caused Kei to cringe slightly, and he was already tensing up from the way that the man looked at him. “Oi, what the hell do you want with my Yuki-hime?” he growled angrily, looking Tsukishima over with such intensity that the blond just wanted to run. “You really think she would be interested in you, Megane-teme? You and I know you’re just a wingless piece of shit.”

The guy grabbed Kei’s jacket, and the blond found himself unable to respond. His feet were ground in place, his lips sealed shut, and his heart pounding in his chest. He felt like he would throw up, it was just like that time, though this time he really hadn’t done anything. Maybe this was fate telling him he should just give up on life since he could never truly be happy, not even for more than two days. 

The girl he had been talking to burst into tears at the sight, hiding behind some of the other girls who began to comfort her as the guys dealt with the situation. She didn’t understand why this was happening, since the boy hadn’t seemed bad, but she couldn’t stop it. Her boyfriend might have had violent tendencies, but he wouldn’t beat someone up for the sake of it. Surely this blond must have done something to prompt this? That’s what she thought, and so she didn’t do anything.

At seeing the way the dude treated Tsukishima, some of the other guys seemed to get angry at the teen thinking he’d done something wrong or insulting, a couple of them throwing extremely harsh insults at him. Their words echoed in his mind, and though deep down he knew they were lies, he couldn’t help but believe them. He was just worthless, wingless, and pathetic, and even despite the great day he’d had he found himself doubting that Bokuto and the others actually cared about him. What was the point, if he was just going to end up like this again, broken and torn away from people that cared just as he began to relax?

Mentally and physically he couldn’t resist and fell victim to both the men and women in the group and the voices in his head. The voices, they had been gone for so long, but now their whispers of temptation, the taunting and degrading insults coming from his own mind, he couldn’t handle the strain. As they lead him to an alleyway, Tsukishima couldn’t do anything in his defence as they took the money from his pocket and threw him to the ground. Kicking his side, continuing to insult him and break him down past his breaking point and into the lowest of lows, finding sick pleasure in bringing him to tears and watching him whimper in fear. 

He couldn’t even clutch anything as he suffered, but was so desperate for something to squeeze to help ease the difficulty. They’d taken his glasses and smashed them and it was so he couldn’t see, especially not through his tears. He grabbed the nearest thing he could, which ended up being a large shard of glass from a broken bottle. Tsukishima heard the group laugh as he cut his hand, letting out a cry in pain. 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to see what someone looks like without wings,” the main guy said, laughing cruelly. They took off his jacket and shirt, running their hands over the large scars on his back from where his wings had been butchered and stolen from him, and Tsukishima was helpless against them.

x-X-x

Meanwhile, at about quarter to six, Bokuto was looking around for Tsukishima so they could get to the dining room early and talk about owls and dinosaurs. He knew that the manager had wanted to help out a bit with dinner, and so headed to the kitchen to see if he was there. When he got there, he found the girls complaining about him not being back (something about them knowing it was a bad idea to leave it all to a wingless) and not actually caring one bit about his wellbeing. 

“Hello, girls,” he began, clearly not happy with them, “I would appreciate if you would tell me where Tsukishima is? You know, tall, blond, wears glasses?”

The group gulped, not saying anything at first until they saw the more serious look Bokuto was giving them. “He went down to the store to get rice at about five, and he still isn’t back,” one of them squeaked nervously, not used to seeing Bokuto in this way. The spiker was bright and happy and carefree, and sometimes got into a ‘depressed’ mood on the court where he wouldn’t want to be set to, but he was rarely ever this serious. 

“Is that all? Did you say anything to him before you left that may have upset him?” he promoted, trying to figure out whether Tsukishima was just upset or whether there was something very wrong going on. He had a bad feeling in his gut, and that fear only intensified when he heard those words.

Two of the other girls looked down guiltily, shuffling their feet. “I may have called him weird and snobbish,” she said, looking down, “but he said he didn’t mind and that it was okay. I don’t think he knew where he was going so maybe he got lost. But I’m sure he’s fine, it’s not like anyone is going to try to pick a fight with him.”

Bokuto obviously felt very different and with a frustrated growl he pulled out his phone and tried calling, getting no response. He swore, texting the group chat that something was wrong with Tsukki, and then ran out of the room without another word. To say he was worried and determined was understatement; he knew deep down that this was bigger than just Tsukishima feeling upset. He’d seen the blond that day, he was much more open and he was putting in more of an effort to be social after their little bonding experience that morning and the previous night. It was why he rushed to the exit of the school grounds, immediately taking off in flight even without explaining properly what he was doing. Bokuto had never flown more urgently in his life, golden eyes keeping a close look out for his friend. 

The third year had also never been more pissed in his life, when he saw the group tormenting Tsukishima in the alleyway, when the teen was sobbing and shaking and couldn’t defend himself. “Oi, what the fuck do you think you’re doing!” he yelled, pushing past them and standing protectively in front of the blond. “How could you be so cruel? He’s a defenceless first year in high school, he’s clearly terrified and not fighting back. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. What did he even do to deserve that, huh?”

One of the guys stepped forwards, drunk and unafraid of Bokuto, and pointed to ‘Yuki-hime’, who was currently crying. “He was talking to her, and he’s upset her. Nobody talks down to my girl, much less a wingless scum,” he growled out. “Whoever cut out his wings knew what they were doing, that piece of shit deserved it.”

“That’s bullshit, man. Tsukki isn’t that kind of guy,” Bokuto retorted furiously. How dare this guy say something like that to Tsukishima, especially so carelessly? The group clearly didn’t understand the severity of what they’d done, and he felt sick because of it. He then turned to be looking at the girl, not believing that Tsukishima had done something like that for a second. “What did he really say to you, huh? Tell the truth and not whatever lie you’ve told this scumbag.”

The girl let out more sobs as she heard the conversation, clearly upset by the whole confrontation thing. “Hideko! I thought you had some previous disagreement with him,” she sobbed, some of that fear turning into anger as she stood up and stalked over, slapping him hard on the face. Perhaps before she couldn’t do anything, but now she knew that it truly had been uncalled for and she wasn’t going to do nothing. “He was just asking for directions to the store, he didn’t do anything to upset me. I was crying because I hate it when you hurt people in front of me, especially people like him, but I figured you wouldn’t do it mindlessly. Mika-chan was right, you’re nothing more than a dickhead and a piece of shit. We’re done, Hideko.”

She stormed off, leaving the rest of the group speechless and angry at this Hideko guy as well. “Come on man, we thought that he’d done something to you or Yuki before. You can’t just go beating up kids,” one said, handing Bokuto the crumpled money that had been for the rice, looking somewhat apologetic about what they’d done but not actually saying sorry for their actions. “Let’s go.”

The rest of the group left, as did Hideko who was mumbling something about going to get a drink. Bokuto wanted to beat him up for what he’d done, beat them all up, but at the moment Tsukishima was more important. He was sobbing and shaking and he wasn’t breathing properly, and his palm and fingers were bleeding.

Bokuto knelt down beside him, hushing him softly. “Tsukki, Kei, it’s me, Bokuto. Is it alright if I hug you? I’m going to hug you, okay?” he said quietly, gently scooping the taller male to be curled up on his lap with his head resting on the third year’s chest. Tsukishima didn’t hesitate to cling to his shirt, continuing to sob and stay as close as he could. “Kei, just breathe, breathe with me. Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. I’m right here, they aren’t going to hurt you again, I promise. You’re safe.”

Tsukishima tried his best, but he couldn’t seem to get the breathing right at first. He was cold and shaking and clearly scared. Still, Bokuto had nothing but encouragement to give, and kept on focusing on calming him down. It was about ten minutes before Kei wasn’t breathing so sporadically anymore, yet he was still sobbing and terrified. He could at least focus enough to listen to the older teen, though he was clinging to him and obviously quite scared.

“Hurts,” Kei managed to say between sobs, staying close to Bokuto, who immediately frowned and gently got the blond to be looking at him by cupping his cheeks. The broken and terrified look in his eyes simultaneously infuriated and hurt Bokuto, but he had to stay calm and gentle so he didn’t make things worse.

“Where does it hurt, Kei? Your hand, or somewhere else?” he asked gently, carefully rubbing his back and trying his best to keep him calm. It would be no good if he was breathing badly like before, since then he would have to calm again and they would be gone even longer. 

Tsukishima took a few moments to answer, since he was still crying and he had to think. “Hand. Side bruised. And emotionally,” he managed out, his voice almost inaudible, strained and thick from the tears. He let out a loud sob once he’d finished, wrapping his arms around Bokuto and clinging tightly to him, as if the spiker was his lifeline.

If this was how bad he was now, how bad would it have been if he had arrived any later? Bokuto didn’t want to think about that. “It’s okay, Kei, I’ve got you. I know it hurts inside, I know,” he assured him. “You’re safe with me though, I promise. But we need to get you back to camp, Kei. Back to Kuroo and Yamaguchi where you can have your hand looked over. I need to fly you there, okay, Kei? We won’t fly until you’re ready.”

Tsukishima nodded and continued to sob, and Bokuto could swear the sight broke his heart. This whole thing was horrible and wrong and it never should have happened, especially not to a boy who’d already faced so much in life. He knew all too well how it felt to be broken and hurting on the inside, and he’d never wish it upon anyone else, much less the teen he’d began to see as a little brother. “Tetsu? Tadashi?” he heard Kei whisper, that voice sounding so sad and scared, so small and helpless and in need of care.

“You want to hear Kuroo? I can call him and he can talk to you if that would help. Him and Yamaguchi are waiting back at camp for you, but we need you calm and not crying so I can safely carry you back when I’m flying,” Bokuto said gently. When he saw the nod, he smiled sadly and pulled out his phone, seeing that there were about fifty missed calls from various people and over two hundred missed texts as well. It had only been twenty minutes yet the news had spread like wildfire to the people that cared about Kei, which had grown a lot in the past two days.

Kuroo picked up before the first ring had finished, his voice laced with worry. “Bokuto, thank god you’ve finally picked up! What’s going on, is Kei alright?” (In the background it could be heard that people were making their way over, listening in to see if everything was okay. Bokuto never worried for no reason, he never acted so seriously on a whim.)

Soft sobs made their way across through the phone, as well as the vague sounds of Bokuto hushing someone softly. Something was very wrong and they all knew it.

“Yeah, something real bad happened. Tsukki’s right here with me and he’s safe but hurt. I can’t really explain too much over the phone, just, please talk to him Kuroo. He needs to hear your voice.”

“Bokuto, where are you.”

It wasn’t a question, but a demand, and Bokuto could feel his heart clench at heading the desperation and hurt in Kuroo’s voice.

“The alleyway next to the bookstore, across the road from that weird cafe. Bring your jacket with you, and don’t hang up.” With that, Bokuto held the phone up to Tsukishima’s ears. He wrapped his wings around him protectively, making sure that he felt comfortable, safe and warm.

Kuroo was more scared than he’d been the first time Tsukishima was in trouble, but this time he would be able to stay and comfort him. He grabbed his jacket and immediately leapt into the air, flying as quickly as he could. “Tetsu?” he heard Kei whimper. If Bokuto’s heart had broken at the sound, Tetsurou’s had shattered.

“I’ll be right there, Moonshine, I promise. Just hold on a minute for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On one hand I’m sorry and the other hand I’m not. This was not originally the plan but I wanted someone to make Tsukki upset because he was wingless since it hadn’t really been that big of a deal until this chapter and I couldn’t bring myself to make someone on one of the teams be that mean and this is what happened. Be ready for a mountain of hurt/comfort next chapter though, for obvious reasons.
> 
> But hey, on the bright side, platonic BokuTsukki and TsukkiHina development.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and for the comments from people, it’s always great to see people getting involved with the book!


	7. 6

Kuroo arrived there a few minutes later, immediately sitting across from Bokuto and opening his arms. Tsukishima practically threw himself into the older males arms, nuzzling him softly and curling close. “Tetsu, you really came,” he whispered, voice barely audible once more. 

“Oh, Kei. Of course, I’ll always come for you,” he whispered, giving him a caring smile and gently wrapping his jacket around the blond’s shoulders. “I love you, Kei, you know that. I’ll never leave you.”

Tsukishima sniffled and relaxed at the warmth of the jacket against his cold skin, feeling safer now that Kuroo was here simply because he was a more familiar person. Bokuto had been a massive help and he had helped him calm down, but at the moment that sense of comfort and familiarity was something that he needed more. “I don’t get it, Tetsu,” he whispered, looking up into those warm hazel eyes that were sad but full of care. “Why does this always happen to me? What did I do wrong? Why am I wingless and unapproachable and broken?”

Tetsurou felt his heart clench at those words, and he gently pressed a soft kiss to Kei’s head. “I don’t know why things like this always happen to you, and perhaps you are wingless, Moonshine, but I do know this. You aren’t broken and unapproachable, you’re just hurting. It’s natural for you to be upset and distant from people if you’re hurting, and some people don’t understand that,” he explained, cupping his cheek and gently wiping away his tears. “But you’re a kind person, Kei, with a good heart and beautiful mind and soul. I know that, Yamaguchi knows it, Bokuto and even Hinata knows it. And I can tell you this, there are only a few times when I see Bokuto so genuinely worried and scared, and this is one of them. He literally just up and left because he had a gut feeling that something bad was happening.”

Tsukishima looked over at Bokuto, who gave him a smile and nodded. “It’s true, Kei, I guess I feel like you’re like I used to be in a way. I suffered through it alone for a lot of the time and I don’t want you to be put through that too,” he said, taking his phone back and calling Akaashi so he and Yamaguchi could sort things for when they got back. “Is there anything you want for when you get back? I know Yamaguchi probably knows mostly but I want to make sure you’re going to be comfortable.”

Tsukishima looked at him, no longer crying but still shaking in Kuroo’s arms. He was quiet, thinking for a moment, before taking a deep breath. “Tell Tadashi, just the normal stuff, but I’d prefer to be in a separate room with Tetsu, him and you, and I’ll need sleep medicine. If he wants me to eat it has to be strawberries and watermelon. And if it’s possible, a keyboard that I can plug my headphones into and keep nearby since that helps sometimes.” His voice was quiet and the lack of emotion it held was hard for the third years to hear. This was part of Tsukishima’s struggles; he felt too many emotions or not enough. 

This whole situation was like returning to his old routine, a horrible routine full of dullness, sleepless nights and too many thoughts to concentrate. Sometimes he really wished he could fly, fly away from all of his problems so it was just him and the sky and his thoughts could fade away. 

Not to mention, there was no way they weren’t going to call home. His ‘father’ was in prison and his mother was currently not well, so that only left one option; Akiteru. Their relationship was difficult; like they could never quite understand each other. It had been good once upon a time, but after Kei came back his brother never really seemed to put in an effort to help him through his struggles. Perhaps he tried, but Kei never got the feeling that the older cared since he was prioritising his grades and didn’t have the same patience as Tadashi.

It had only spiralled down from then.

Tsukishima didn’t want to think about his brother at a time like now, though. Kuroo was there, and so was Bokuto, so he was safe. Besides, it was a long way from Sendai to Tokyo and so it was unlikely that Akiteru would come all the way just to pick him up and take him home.

“Kei? You okay?” Tetsurou’s worried voice broke him from his thoughts, and he blinked up at him, letting out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He breathed shakily and nodded.

“Too many thoughts. Not really good or bad, but it’s easy for the bad thoughts to take over,” he mumbled, shaking his head. The voices were laughing at him inside his mind, calling his worries stupid and saying that they would be happy if he left Tokyo early. The tears welled up again, but he blinked them away, looking up at the dark haired teen and quietly speaking once more. “I’m just, I’m really worried about going home. I don’t want to leave here early, and leave you and Bokuto and Tadashi. My brother and I never really got along after what happened, and Kaa-san isn’t well, so I’ll be really bad if I have to leave. Akiteru never really thinks that I was really that bad since I don’t feel safe enough to cry around him. He seems to think that I’ve gotten better in the past few years, and while I’m not as bad I’m certainly not better. If I had to go home, I wouldn’t be able to trust myself to look after myself, and certainly not anyone else. I need to stay here, with you and Tadashi and Bokuto. I feel safe with you guys and you all get it, without treating me like I’m incapable or pitying me.”

Kuroo sighed softly and pressed another soft kiss to his head, rubbing his back gently. “I don’t want to let you go back either, but right now we don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t make any promises since like I said, the future is uncertain, but if you really need you can stay at my place for a bit after the camp. Bokuto and Akaashi and Kenma can see you too, and even if we don’t go anywhere we can all hang out with each other. What I can promise you is this; that I will never force you to go back to a place that you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. One way or another, you’re staying at this camp until the end, and you’ll never have to be alone.”

Tsukishima looked up at him, feeling some of the weight lift off his chest. Right now, they didn’t know what was going to happen, but Tetsurou wanted him to stay and would even let him stay with him if he needed. He hadn’t laughed at his worries, and had treated them seriously, and that meant a lot to him.

Perhaps the situation with his brother was all in his imagination, but he didn’t want to take any risks. He wanted badly to have that relationship back with his brother, but he didn’t know how to go about it. He couldn’t trust Akiteru, and as sad as it was he couldn’t let him in when he was so scared of getting let down again once more.

“Anyway, Kei, we need to be getting you back to the camp,” Kuroo said with a sigh, giving him a small smile. “I’ll be fine to carry you if you’re okay with us flying back. If you want to walk I can carry us like that, or I’m sure someone can come and pick us up if you need. Whatever works best for you.”

“I trust you, Tetsu. We can fly to start off with, but I don’t know if I’ll like it or not since I haven’t flown since before I met you,” he explained, wrapping his arms loosely around Kuroo’s neck. 

The dark haired male nodded and scooped him into his arms, giving him another one of those kind smiles. “Of course, I’ll take you back down if you don’t like it,” he promised, before glancing to Bokuto. “You cool to get the rice, Bo?”

The spiky haired male nodded and came over, gently ruffling Tsukishima’s hair and giving him a smile. “Yeah, that’s fine. Good job, Tsukki, you were really brave and you did so well. I’ll be right back to see you again when we get back to camp,” he assured him, a softer expression on his face as he looked to the blond. 

Kei nodded and gave him a small yet thankful smile, before curling closer to Kuroo who took off into the air. It was scary, his life in the hands of the other, but it was nice. There wasn’t a breeze, and it was warm in Tetsurou’s jacket and arms. “Thank you for coming to look after me, Tetsu,” he murmured, relaxing completely in his arms and nuzzling him gently. “Bokuto helped heaps too, of course... but this is nice. Being with you, flying. Like I can forget everything that happened, and it’s just us now.”

Kuroo glanced down at him and smiled gently, humming a little bit in agreement. “That’s good, Kei. I’m glad I could help you, really, because I just want to see you happy,” he said, the softness and fondness in his warm voice creating a fuzzy feeling and this wholeness inside of Tsukishima’s heart. “Now, you just tell me if you ever want to go flying, okay? I’d be more than happy to take you any time you want.”

“Mhm, thanks Tetsu.” The blond nodded and glanced at his bleeding hand with a frown. It was hard to tell if it was cut deeply or not, but he just hoped that it wouldn’t need stitches. 

“I bet that hurts, huh? It won’t be long until we get back and make it all better, I promise,” he heard Kuroo’s caring voice say. Tsukishima looked up and nodded, once again nuzzling his chest. He couldn’t help but be affectionate when he felt so small and there were still feelings of hurt lingering inside that he was sure would resurface later that night. Besides, Kuroo didn’t seem to mind, and only pressed a kiss to his head.

Kei was both too tired and not bothered to question the other about the action. Tetsurou had already done it a few times that evening, and to be perfectly honest it was comforting even if he was unsure what it meant. He knew he liked Kuroo, but he was unsure if the other felt that way too, and even if that was the case he didn’t know if he would be able to handle a relationship, much less a long distance one.

He simply settled on nodding at the older male’s words, and just staying close as they flew back to the school. They exchanged no more words on the rest of the trip, but there was no need to do so. Kei was comfortable, and despite there being a dull ache in his heart to accompany the pain on his hand and side, the voices in his head weren’t bothering him. Tetsurou was his only focus, him and his midnight wings and his sweet scent as they flew in the night. 

As they landed on the grass, Yamaguchi was quick to run over and hug him despite him still being in the third year’s arms. Tsukishima returned the hug weakly, trying his best not to get any blood from his hand on his friend’s white shirt. “Tadashi,” he whispered, slowly pulling away and letting out a shaky sigh. 

“Tsukki, I’m so glad you’re safe,” the freckled boy asked, relief clear in his voice. “I was so scared, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. But everything is all ready for you, m’kay? You can get all cleaned and any injuries looked after, and then you can just do whatever you feel like. We managed to get a room so that Kuroo and me and anyone else you want can stay with you. We’ve all got your back, Tsukki, so it’s all going to be okay.”

Tsukishima nodded, clearly relaxing a little more at hearing that. “Thank you, ‘Dashi, sorry for causing all the trouble,” he said quietly, allowing Kuroo to place him down on the ground. He still stayed close though, wrapping an arm around Tetsurou, who wrapped one of his wings and an arm around him in return. 

“There’s no need to apologise, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi assured him, giving him a gentle smile, “I’d do anything to make sure you were safe and happy.”

Kuroo nodded in agreement and gave him a smile. “So would I, and so would Bokuto. I haven’t known Hinata for long, but I think even he would too. Your team feels like they’re your family, Bokuto obviously sees you as a little brother, and me?” Tetsurou leaned in and whispered in his ear so that only Kei could hear, his words so full of love and pure honesty. “I love you, always have, always will, Kei. Just like I said to you yesterday morning, I’m so glad that I could see you again, and I know I can’t imagine a life without you now.“

Tsukishima blushed but nodded, a small smile making its way onto his lips once again, though a worried look was in his eyes, almost afraid. Kuroo had told him he loved him multiple times already, and even if he had said he couldn’t really define the love, it definitely felt like more of a romantic love to him and that was scary. “I do too, I just... if you’re looking for a, you know, because of how I am I don’t know if I can...” He trailed off, and Yamaguchi had enough sense to leave them alone to their moment when he saw their faces.

“I know, Kei, I know. Look, I’m going to be honest with you and say that I do like you in a more than friends way. Still, I’m not going to force anything on you, so you just give me the word when you’re ready. I’m not ever going to let you go, even when we leave, so as far as I’m concerned we have all the time in the world. Just let me love you and look after you, just as your best friend. I’ll wait for you, I promise, you’re worth it to me, Moonshine. I’ve been waiting about ten years, that should be proof enough.” Tetsurou gave him a loving smile and pulled him into a warm hug, before returning to just hugging him with one arm. 

“Just, Tetsu, I don’t understand why you want me of all people. I’m just, well, I’m just me. Wingless, scarred, and living hours away.” Tetsurou frowned at that and gently cupped his cheek with his free hand, pressing a soft kiss to the other cheek and looking into his eyes.

“Moonshine, none of that matters to me. You’re smart, kind, handsome, and even if you’re hurt right now I know you haven’t given up on yourself or on life. Wingless or not, whether you have scars on your body or not, even if you’re struggling at the moment, I still want you.” He sighed softly and shook his head, before pulling away slightly. He saw the look in Tsukishima’s eyes, that he was unsure about it all still and confused, and he regretted saying anything. “Shit, sorry, I picked the worst time to say all this, didn’t I? Just forget what I said, we can go inside and get you fixed up. I’m sure Yamaguchi is waiting.”

Kei shook his head quickly and moved to hug him again. “Maybe it wasn’t the best time, but I’m not going to forget it. It means a lot to me, you know? I never think that I’m good enough for anyone, so even if we aren’t together it’s nice knowing that you care enough and I’m not unlovable,” he whispered, his knees beginning to tremble at the fear of Kuroo leaving because he thought Tsukishima didn’t like what he had to say. “Please, just don’t leave me when we go inside. Please stay.”

His voice was pleading, and Tetsurou felt horrible seeing how scared Kei was at the thought of him leaving. “Of course, Kei, I’d never leave you.”

“Tetsu? I do love you, I really do, I just need some time. You know that, right?” Kei whispered, voice barely audible as he pulled away and began heading inside the building. 

A heartbeat, a second passing, and then a soft sigh. “I know, Moonshine,” he whispered from behind, only loud enough that Tsukishima could hear as he walked with him inside. They saw Sugawara standing in wait for them, who smiled kindly and beckoned to them. Tsukishima nodded and followed his senior, staying back a second and wrapping an arm around Kuroo so they could hug as they walked. 

“You’ll stay and look after me tonight, right? Help me sleep like when we were kids?” Kei looked at him hopefully, relaxing into the embrace as he felt Tetsurou wrap one of his soft, dark wings around him.

A gentle tapping on his arm, a message across skin and not a wall this time. ‘Always, Kei’.


	8. 7

Kei was lead to a room where things were already being set up. Akaashi was there, along with Yamaguchi and Hinata, and they were making sure that there would be enough futon in the room for everyone who would be staying there. Also there was Takeda-sensei, who smiled kindly and gestured for Tsukishima to follow him to the bathroom. 

Kuroo gave the taller teen a smile and lead him into the other room with the teacher, who started getting things out of the first aid kit. "Hello, Tsukishima-kun, I'm glad to see you're mostly alright," he said, looking to his hand. "That's what's injured worst, right? Do you mind if I take a look at it? I'll need to run it under some water to clean off some of the blood first, so it might sting, I just want to check. Kuroo-kun is more than welcome to stay with you, too,"

Kei was a bit hesitant, but after seeing Tetsurou's assuring smile he lifted his hand to the teacher. Takeda-sensei washed the blood off, being gentle the entire time even though it of course stung. Soft whimpering escaped the blond's lips, but he didn't make any verbal complaints, closing his eyes and staying close to Kuroo. "It's alright, Kei," the captain whispered to him, his voice soothing and so full of care. "I know it hurts, but it'll hurt more later if we don't look after it now. Sensei will get it all fixed up and then we can look after you again, I promise."

Tsukishima nodded, taking a few deep breaths and managing to stay calm. It did hurt, but with Kuroo there he wasn't so stressed or teary. The dark haired teen continued to whisper those kind words in his ear, holding him close and letting Kei squeeze his other hand as much as he needed. As it turned out, it wasn't too deep so it wouldn't need stitches or anything, but it would need a bandage and he couldn't move his hand too much. There went his plan to play piano if he was upset, but he supposed he could always just play with his right hand. It just meant he wouldn't have both the chords and the melody.

The disinfectant stung the worse, but he was able to make it through. Then came the gauze and then the bandages, and his hand was all wrapped up. The pain was still there, but it felt better having a bandage on it now. Kei let out a breath of relief he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and then moved to be hugging Kuroo again. A few taps on the shoulder, and once again he was scooped up into those warm arms, where it was safe. All he'd needed to tape out in Morse was 'up', but Tetsurou knew very well what it meant.

Kuroo thanked Takeda for him, and then they headed back to the room to get him some clothes. "Kei, we're going to need to get you showered," he said gently to the teen in his arms, letting out a soft sigh. "You'll feel a bit better once you've had a nice warm wash, Moonshine. I don't want to leave you alone, though, since you're hurt. I don't mind helping you wash, or we can ask Yamaguchi or someone else to help you. But-"

A few more taps, spelling out a name. 'Tadashi, please.'

Kuroo just smiled gently and nodded, kissing his head. "Of course, Kei." He called over the freckled male, who just nodded in understanding.

"M'kay, that's okay with me, Tsukki," he told the blond, who looked a little relieved, as if he hadn't wanted to be a bother. "You know I don't mind, I helped you shower before. I don't have anything else to do right now anyway, so you're not taking me away from anything, I promise."

Kei nodded and carefully stood back up again, clinging on to Yamaguchi's arm as soon as he left Kuroo. The dark haired male frowned a little, feeling his heart squeeze a little at the sight. It wasn't that he didn't like the affection or that he was jealous, but Tsukishima was extremely clingy at the moment and Kuroo knew that it was because the teen was upset and needed support. Gods, he wanted to ruin the fucker that had dared do this to him, but looking after Kei took precedence.

Yamaguchi smiled at his friend and made sure he got comfortable clothes, before leading him back to the bathroom to have a wash. He'd done this before, meaning that he'd probably had to be the one to support Tsukishima through something like this already. The thought of this not being a first time thing really hurt Tetsurou. Kei had been through so much, yet he hadn't been able to help through most of it.

He himself went to a different shower block to get changed into some sweatpants and a different shirt, being quick and then returning straight back to the room to wait for Tsukishima. 

When he got there, Bokuto was back and being tended to by a worried Akaashi. The ace had bruised knuckles and had clearly come out victorious in the fight that he was in. The owlish captain simply grinned viscously at Kuroo, his eyes telling the whole story. He'd gotten the rice, yes, but also had gotten his revenge on the asshole that hurt Tsukishima too. Kuroo sent him a thumbs up back, and then just leaned against the wall with a sigh. He was pretty damn exhausted and also really worried, and he knew it would be a long night. He could see that Sugawara had Tsukki's strawberries and watermelon — along with some water and the sleeping pills — all ready for when he got back, but their own dinner would still be a little while away.

Kei was back in the room after ten more minutes, still clinging to Yamaguchi's arm but looking a little less pale than before. He was still wearing the Nekoma jacket from said team's captain, and as soon as he saw him he left Tadashi. He couldn't have made it to be with Kuroo again quicker, curling up with his head resting on the older teen's chest. Tetsurou wrapped his arms around Kei and his wings around them both before he kissed his head, letting out a sigh of relief. "Moonshine," he mumbled, nuzzling into his hair. "Do you feel alright?"

"Tetsu," he whispered, voice weak but not scared. "I'm okay for now. I missed you." Tsukishima snuggled closer, only glancing up momentarily when Suga came over with his food and medicine. "Can you feed me? My body just feels really tired and weak."

Kuroo nodded with a smile and picked up the bowl of fruit. The strawberries were cut up and so was the watermelon, and so there was a fork to eat it with. Kuroo gently cupped Kei's cheek and fed him, so the blond could basically just relax and not have to worry. As he did so, Tetsurou just told him random stories so their minds could both not think too much about what happened. 

As it turned out, Tsukishima fell asleep in Kuroo's arms without taking the tablets. The older teen just hugged him for a while until he too had eaten his own dinner, and then he lay down beside him his arms and wings wrapped protectively around him.

This is what they had meant about helping him sleep like when they were kids; Kuroo would keep him close and wrap his wings around him, so that Kei could fall asleep, and if he woke up due to a nightmare he would be greeted by Kuroo's embrace and lots of assurances. Of course, when they were kids, it was during the day and not nighttime. Tetsurou just hoped he'd could still look after Tsukishima just as well if he fell asleep.

x-X-x

The nightmare came at about two am, after they had all gone to sleep. Tsukishima was shaking and sobbing silently, clinging tightly to Kuroo. It was the tightness of the hug that woke him up, and in a heartbeat he was hugging back, whispering that it was all okay and that he was there for him.

Kei took a long time to calm down, and he was obviously quite scared, and so in the end Bokuto ended up waking up as well. The black and white haired male came over, and soon it was both him and Kuroo hugging him, their wings both wrapped around him. The third years were almost like a safety blanket to Tsukishima. They were big and strong and their hugs were safe, and they understood the problems that he had. Sure, he saw Koutarou as a brother and Tetsurou in a more romantic way, but they both made him feel safe.

It was only with their combined efforts, the constant soothing words and hands stroking through his blond hair that he calmed down. Maybe they were just guessing what he had been dreaming of, but they told him everything he needed to hear at that moment. They told him that he was loved and special and he didn't need wings to be a great person, that he was perfect the way he was and they would always support him. 

"I'm sorry for waking you both," he eventually whispered, biting his lip and looking away from them. They were still hugging him, so even if his words were barely audible the pair could make out what he said. 

Bokuto shook his head, giving him a smile. "No, don't be. I've had my fair share of waking up to nightmares, and I know it's always better when Akaashi helped me through it. It makes me happy to help knowing that you don't have to go through it alone," he said quietly, gently ruffling Tsukishima's hair.

"And I promised I'd look after you, Kei. I don't mind waking up, as long as I get to look after you. See, because I was awake you're no longer crying, so it was worth it." Tetsurou smiled lovingly at him and kissed his temple, tapping a silent 'I love you' in Morse on the blond's skin. "Do you think you can go back to sleep, my Moonshine, or do you want to take some sleeping tablets?"

Kei sniffled softly, feeling undeserving of their care but grateful for it nonetheless, and nodded. "Tablets, please," he murmured, waiting for them to move a little so he could sit up. The memories and the words from his dream were still vivid in his mind, and all he wanted to do was sleep and forget. 

He took the right amount, and then returned to be curling up in Kuroo's arms. Bokuto stayed hugging him as well though, and after thirty horrible minutes of battle between the cruel voices in his head and logic, Tsukishima was finally able to fall into a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

Meanwhile, as Tetsurou fell asleep a few minutes after that, the feeling was more bittersweet. Yes, they'd been able too help, and Kei, his Moonshine, was safe and asleep again. But Kuroo was still so, so worried about him, and the struggles in the days to come.

Not only that, but seeing how sad and scared Kei was shattered his heart, and he knew he couldn't do anything to immediately fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is kind of fluffy but not? I don’t know anymore. Usually my writing is either like 100% angst or fluff with no in between so...  
> Idk, I hope you enjoyed it tho. If you haven’t already and you feel like even more KuroTsuki angst tho, feel free to check out my one shot ‘Life Anew’.  
> Any comments always appreciated, otherwise have a great day/evening and I’ll see you all soon!


	9. 8

The first thing that Tsukishima noticed when he woke was how warm he was. He felt two pairs of arms and wings wrapped around him, and realised his own arms were wrapped around someone else. When he looked up, to no surprise he saw Kuroo there, smiling fondly at him. “Good morning, Moonshine,” the dark haired male whispered, before nodding to the other person who was hugging Tsukishima. Bokuto gently pulled away and ran off to the bathroom, causing Kuroo to laugh softly. “It’s only about six, but you know how early Bo gets up. He’s been waiting to go to the toilet for a while but neither of us wanted to disturb you from your sleep.”

Kei nodded a bit and hugged Tetsurou tighter, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Thanks, Tetsu,” he mumbled, voice muffled against the elder’s skin. 

Kuroo tilted his head a bit but held Tsukishima closer, gently running his fingers through his blond hair. “Is everything okay, Kei? I don’t mind that you’re affectionate like this, I quite like it in fact, but if it’s because you’re upset or not feeling great I want to look after you.”

Tsukishima blushed and tried to hide it, taking a moment before quietly admitting what it was. “Y-You’re warm and cuddly, Tetsu. Like a teddy bear, but big and safe... it sounds so weird when I put it like that though. I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel as bad when I’m close to you. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.” Kei didn’t particularly feel great that morning, since he was exhausted, hungry and though he slept it hadn’t been deep. Still, Tetsurou was warm and Kei did feel safe with him, like nobody would ever hurt him again. If he could try to cling to that little bit of happiness from being in his arms, then who could blame him?

It was Tetsurou’s turn to blush, and he let out a small hum in disagreement to the last statement. “No need to apologise, Kei, you didn’t do or say anything wrong. Like I said, I quite like it when you’re affectionate, so it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. And besides, I’m glad I can help you feel not so bad just by being here. So whenever you want me to be, I can be your teddy bear, okay?” 

The blond glanced up at him, still blushing, and saw a gentle and loving expression on Kuroo’s face. And then, in those beautiful hazel eyes, the comfort in knowing that those expressions were true and those words were genuine. Tsukishima had learnt a long time ago that one’s eyes uncovered the whole story, more so than words and expressions. Eyes uncovered the lies and truths, and affirmed what was already confirmed by words. His internal fears relieved, Kei nodded and gave him a small smile in return, mumbling a ‘thank you’ and returning to burying his face in the crook of Kuroo’s neck. He nuzzled the other softly, taking in his scent and just relaxing for the moment. It wasn’t too late, so they could spend some time like that until it was time to get up for breakfast.

Tetsurou simply held Kei close and ran his fingers through his blond locks, murmuring little nothings to him to prevent the silence. He knew, they both did, that silence meant too many wandering thoughts, that it made it too easy to slip into the ocean of negative emotions and never emerge. In that moment it wasn’t quite perfect, but at the same time it was, and that was what scared them both.

It was as if time slipped away from their grasps; it was whisked away and stolen from them, and soon it was time to get up and ready for the day. Time was not their friend, not before and not now.

Tsukishima pulled away from Kuroo, but stayed in the futon, curled up and hugging the pillow the other had been using (there had been three of them, thus three pillows). The captain had to leave to have a shower and get ready for the day but promised to be back soon to accompany him to breakfast. Kei wasn’t ready to leave bed yet, it smelled like Tetsurou and still held his warmth. The fact that Kei didn’t have his glasses either was also an issue; he’d been too overwhelmed last night for it to have been an issue, but now he had the day ahead of him. He couldn’t expect people to babysit him all day, since they had volleyball training and practice games to do and that was more important than him.

He couldn’t even join in anymore, not with his hand and side hurt like they were. Kei was useless here at the camp now, just a burden to everyone who would have to look after him. 

Kei frowned and sat up, stretching and wincing as he felt his side ache. Pulling up his shirt, he saw the bruises covering his side, and frowned more. He then glanced to his hand, and the bandages covering it. The voices had come back full force and they were very convincing, telling him things such as they didn’t understand how people could stand the sight of someone like him, and that he was such a nuisance since he couldn’t even be left alone for twenty minutes without reverting to this.

‘Worthless and wingless, that’s all you’ll ever be. Kuroo doesn’t love you, he’s just pitying you. Who could ever love someone like you? He’s not your Tetsu, he’s never going to be anything to you, and you’re going to be taken away from this camp and you’ll never see him again.’

“Shut up, it’s not true,” he whispered to himself, returning to lying down and curling back under the blankets. “Tetsu wouldn’t lie to me, not about that. He said he loves me so it must be true, right?”

“Mhm, of course it’s true, Tsukishima-kun.” 

Kei froze, and though his vision was blurred with unshed tears, when he looked up he could make out the frame of his upperclassman. “Sugawara-san? What do you mean it’s true? So I really am just worthless...,”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant at all, Tsukishima-kun. I meant that Kuroo loving you is true, not whatever you’re thinking. Do you mind if I hug you?” At receiving a shake of his head and seeing the blond sit up, Sugawara engulfed him into a hug and gently held him. Tsukishima sniffled and hid his face, feeling horrible for disturbing him. “Now, tell me what makes you think you’re worthless, okay? I’m not trying to say you’re stupid for how you feel, but I think that we might disagree on your reasons.”

“I-“ Kei pulled away and wiped his eyes, shaking his head. “You’ll think it’s stupid. I’m probably just being stupid about this whole thing, there’s no need to bother with me,” he murmured flatly, clearly trying to hide his feelings from Sugawara. Even if he was upset, the voices were loud and they told him he was only wasting time and an annoyance. 

“If you don’t want to tell Suga, it’s fine, but at least tell me, Tsukki.” It was Tadashi this time, who had run over as soon as he returned from brushing his teeth and saw the look on Tsukishima’s face. It was all too familiar for him, after all, having been the one to support him through the worst of his depression. “You know you could never bother me, Tsukki. It makes me happy when you tell me these things, because then I can help you and we can be happy. I know the voices are cruel, but that’s why you have my voice, to tell you that they’re wrong. So please, tell me what they’re saying to you to hurt you. I’ll prove them wrong.”

Silent tears fell from Kei’s eyes, and when Tadashi sat down and pat his lap he didn’t hesitate to rest his head there. Sugawara took the hint and left them be, but he clearly had a worried look on his face. It was quiet for a minute, before Tsukishima finally spoke up. “I’m so worthless, Tadashi,” he whispered, voice barely audible and sounding so, so broken. “I’m so weak and pathetic, and the minute something bad happens I can’t help but let all the pain and the bad things come back. I couldn’t even last twenty minutes without Tetsu or someone with me, and you all have volleyball which is much more important than me. I’m just a nuisance that’s going to bother you and ruin your camp by making you all look after me because I can’t do it myself. And Tetsu, he said he loved me, but I don’t get why he would want someone like me. I’m wingless, and I’m broken and I’m nobody special. I know he wouldn’t lie to me, but I just can’t fathom why someone as amazing as him would care for someone like me. Why Bokuto would protect me and be patient with me when it probably brings up bad memories for him. I just bring hurt and sadness to everyone, simply by existing.”

Tadashi took a deep breath and sighed, thinking about how to respond for a moment before slowly beginning to speak. “Well, first things first, you are anything but worthless. You are Tsukishima Kei, smart, talented, kind, and a really amazing person once you let people in. I’ve known you for so long, and even when you were struggling you still were a great friend to me. But especially in the past year when things started looking up, the little things you did for me made me really happy. So don’t you worry about feeling worthless, since to me you definitely aren’t. You mean the world to me, okay? You’re my family, and you always will be.”

Tsukishima sniffled and began to let out soft sobs, which was a good sign. Kei not crying was more worrying than him crying, since at least he was letting out his emotions. It was when he bottled them up and hid them that was an issue. Now that Yamaguchi had started to get through to him, he could continue to talk. 

“It’s not your fault that bad things happened to you, Kei. And if you’re upset and hurt because of that, well nobody can blame you. I would be if I were you, it is one of the things that makes you human. You’re hurting and that’s natural, and I promise you that me and everyone else will do our best to help you get through this. Perhaps you couldn’t last long without someone there with you, but is that a bad thing? You know you have so many people here that want to support you, and if you’re letting them in and letting them help you than that’s a good thing. It doesn’t make you weak to need someone there for you, or to want someone to hold you close and help you feel not so bad. It actually makes us really happy when you let us in like that, and we’d much prefer to look after you than to see you hurting and not know how to help. Sure, volleyball is important, but if you weren’t there with me I don’t think I would enjoy playing. I would gladly sacrifice a bit of time playing or practicing if it means I can get to spend time with you and have you in my life still.” Tadashi’s voice was gentle but firm to make sure he knew he meant it, and Kei clung to each word. The voices were no match to Yamaguchi — he’d been fighting them for years and he would continue to do so if it meant Tsukishima would be truly happy one day.

“See, you say you bring sadness to people by existing, but I think it’s quite the opposite. I love having you in my life, I love that you’re my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I wouldn’t ever replace you with someone else. You’re thoughtful in your own ways, and I know you care. The voices might claim you’re nobody special, but you’re you and that makes you special. Kei, I see the wonderful person that you are deep down, even when you’re hurting and struggling. Kuroo sees it, Bokuto sees it, even Hinata sees it, and we all want to see that wonderful person come to the surface. Now I know that glimpses of that person have emerged the past couple of days, and even if it takes a while I want to see you get to that point. Kuroo will love you no matter what, but I know he especially loves seeing you happy. We’ll all be there for you, Tsukki, and if so many people can see that then how could you possible be worthless?”

Tsukishima let out a loud sob before sitting up and hugging Yamaguchi tightly, crying into the crook of his neck and letting it all out. It wasn’t a magic problem solving, the voices still came back, but Tadashi always had a way to show him that they were wrong, and would continue to do that as much as he needed. A few minutes passed and the tears had run dry, and Kei slowly pulled away. “Thanks, Tadashi,” he whispered, looking down. “I really needed that.”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad to be able to help you in any way I can. Also,” Yamaguchi paused, moving to his bag and pulling out a case, “I brought your spare pair of glasses. Akiteru gave them to me just in case, I just hadn’t gotten the chance to give them to you yet.”

Tsukishima nodded and took the glasses case, taking out the frames and putting them on. These ones had thinner silver frames, and they did look nice on him, but he simply preferred the black ones he usually wore. He didn’t think these suited him as much, even if Yamaguchi had insisted many times before that they looked fine. At least he wouldn’t have to wear his contacts, though, since he preferred not to if he could avoid it.

“They called home, didn’t they? I’d be surprised if they hadn’t, considering what happened.” Kei had blurted it out before he could stop himself, and he refused to look up at Tadashi after having done so.

Yamaguchi sighed but ‘mhm’ed softly. “Yeah, they did. Takeda-sensei and I did, I mean. Your Kaa-san didn’t sound well so she gave the phone to you brother. He said that he would come down to see how you were. I was going to tell you when I came back in, but you were pretty distressed. It’s going to be okay though, I promise you. He didn’t seem like he wanted to make you come home, just like he was really worried. Akiteru was freaking out a lot, actually. Sensei warned him not to go too fast and crash.”

“Oh.” Tsukishima hadn’t thought that would have been the case. He knew that Yamaguchi wouldn’t lie to him, even to make him feel better. His friend was always honest with him no matter what, it was one of the things that helped him because he knew that he could trust him. Still, Kei didn’t know that Akiteru cared that much for him, since they had never really been able to connect after what happened. The thought of his brother being worried for him was foreign, to be frank. “Thanks for telling me.”

“It’s fine, Tsukki! And before you go worrying about it all morning, I’ll be there, and so will Kuroo and Bokuto. There’s nothing to be afraid of, because we’ll all look after you,” Yamaguchi assured him with a kind smile, gently giving him another hug before pulling away and glancing over as the door opened and Kuroo entered the room again.

The dark haired male didn’t take more than a few seconds to register that Tsukishima had been crying and immediately ran over, kneeling down beside him and pulling him into a hug. “Is everything alright, Kei? I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you,” he whispered, clearly concerned and guilty that he’d been gone.

As Kei melted into the embrace, he glanced back to Yamaguchi, and there was a knowing smile on his lips. As upset as he’d been, Tadashi really had helped rid his mind of some of the voices, and he felt some of those worries wash away. Tadashi was right, he had lots of people to look after him, people that wanted to look after him and see him happy. Tetsurou was there and hugging him, he was warm and safe and he loved Kei even despite his struggles. He knew this deep down, but it was a happy thing to think about. Later on he would be upset again, he knew that, since the happiness didn’t last forever after something like last night. But for now, he could safely tell Tetsu the truth. 

“Don’t worry, okay? I just had some sad thoughts, but Tadashi helped me see the truth. He’s good at that. I’ll be fine for now, since you’re here with me. So really, don’t worry, Tetsu.”

Kei gave them a small smile, and both Tetsurou and Tadashi smiled back. They both loved it when he smiled, and to be honest, Kei liked smiling as well, even just to see their smiles in return. It gave all three of them hope that even if it was hard now, eventually it would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more angst and comfort. You’ll probably be getting a fair bit of it for a while-  
> Anyways thank you all for reading and your support, I hope you enjoyed! Have a great day/night!


	10. 9

Tsukishima was more quiet than he had been the past few days when it came to breakfast. He didn’t feel like eating, but he did anyways, just not too much so that he didn’t feel sick. Tetsurou was right beside him, Tadashi on his other side. Bokuto was talking with Akaashi and Kuroo, and Hinata with Kenma and Yamaguchi, the four sitting across from them on the other side of the table. 

Kei didn’t particularly feel like talking, he didn’t really know what he felt like. There was just this sort of dull, empty feeling inside. He’d felt it somewhat before, but now that he was out of the room and around other people it seemed to have intensified. He hated being around people — strangers especially — and it was worse as lots of people had heard something about what happened even if it wasn’t necessarily the truth. Their eyes as they glanced at him, the things they whispered under their breath as he passed by; all the things that weren’t really noticeable to anyone but him, they made him feel like he was going to go insane in a way. Tsukishima didn’t know if it was him imagining it all or whether it was real, nor did he know what he’d prefer to be true.

He had thought he would be able to be fine, that since he had Tetsurou and Bokuto and Tadashi that he would be okay. He had meant it when he’d told Kuroo he’d be fine, since he had believed from the bottom of his heart that he could be. The truth was, they weren’t the cure to everything going on inside his head. Now that he was out in the open, the little bit of happiness he had felt had crumbled away, His hand and side ached, and he wouldn’t lie that he wanted to be close to Kuroo now. 

But there was the other thing he had become more conscious of, and it was tearing him up. The whispers and disgusted looks sent his way, their cruel words. Tsukishima didn’t have a problem with his own sexuality, and he didn’t try to hide it if anyone asked. It wasn’t like he was openly expressing it to other people in general, but other people seemed to be picking up on it, probably because of how close he was with the people he was friends with. Even if they didn’t know for sure, because of him Kuroo and Bokuto and Yamaguchi were being talked about too. 

It wasn’t anyone from Karasuno, of course (they were pretty much all not straight, and if not were accepting), and the players on Fukurodani and Nekoma weren’t doing it either. But the managers and players from other teams, they talked a lot when they thought they weren’t being noticed or heard. Perhaps he was just imagining it, since he was never close enough to hear the whole conversation, but he really didn’t know. Especially since Kuroo didn’t seem to be noticing it, or if he was he wasn’t mentioning it, he was scared to bring it up. Either way, Kei was at fault here.

Kei bit his lip and looked down, closing his eyes and hoping his shaking wasn’t too visible. There was nowhere to hide out in the open like this, there was no safe place, not without ruining Kuroo and Bokuto’s reputation, or starting rumours about Tadashi and him. He couldn’t do that to them, even if he knew that Tetsurou did actually love him and Bokuto liked Akaashi. At the same time, he was frozen in place, unable to get out of his seat and run out of the room. That would be like admitting to them that they had won.

He was conflicted about whether to be close to Tetsurou and the others, or to stay away from them. And so, when he felt the third year wrap his arms around him, he let out a whimper and struggled a bit against the embrace, still not opening his eyes and biting down harder on his bottom lip. He was vaguely aware of the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, but it didn’t hurt. 

Kuroo pulled him closer, hushing him softly and gently rubbing his back, watching the blond in concern and confusion. “Hey, Kei,” he whispered, voice gentle and full of care behind the worry. “What’s wrong, Moonshine? Do you want to leave?” He could only nod wordlessly, whimpering as he practically felt many eyes in the room on him. They dug into his soul, silently judging him for creating a scene. ‘Weak, Kei’ the voices taunted, laughing at him from inside his head. 

At some point along the line (who knows when, it was all a blur through the whirlwind of emotions he was experiencing) he stopped being able to breathe properly. Tsukishima’s breaths were ragged and not nearly deep enough, sobs escaping his lips as he clung to the older. They had left the room, not that he’d really registered it even despite having being picked up, his eyes still closed tightly despite the tears falling from them. He felt nothing and everything at the same time, numb to the world but not to the emotions. 

Kei’s hand stung horribly, having had clutched his hand tightly, but even that wasn’t enough to free him from the raging voices in his mind. He was once again that scared little boy — backed against the wall with nowhere to go as his father approached him — yet this time the enemy was the voices, and he was even more helpless against his own demons than his father.

The words of people in the room with him were completely drowned out, incomprehensible, just voices that his mind twisted into saying heartless words.

Their hugs and gentle touches, stroking his hair and rubbing his back, perceived by his mind as nothing more than forced affection because the voices told him that they didn’t really care, that they never had and never would.

Tsukishima Kei was just a wingless, broken mess; disconnected from the world and lost in his own mind. 

x-X-x

Tetsurou had been watching over Kei even as he spoke with Bokuto and Akaashi while they had breakfast. He was aware of some of the rumours, of course, and some of the harsh words, but to him none of that mattered. Kuroo loved Tsukishima and even if they weren’t together yet, one day they would be and he wasn’t ashamed of that. The thing was, he had gotten used to blocking out the looks that he was often given as a result of his hair, his strange laugh, or any other thing people found odd. He was happy with himself how he was, and if people had a problem with that then that was their problem. 

He could tell that Tsukki hadn’t been feeling great all breakfast, but watching him crumble away in a matter of moments had been the most horrible feeling. Watching him bite his lip until it bled, feeling him struggle against his hug, seeing him shake and hearing him whimper and just look so, so scared. It was horrible to see him that way, and he wasn’t even certain about what caused it.

As soon as he saw that nod in response to his question, he didn’t hesitate to scoop the male into his arms and leave the room, hiding him from view of other people with his wings. This wasn’t good, and the terrified and upset look in Yamaguchi’s eyes only confirmed that fact. The four of them left, Koutarou and Tadashi staying close as they made their way to the room. Tetsurou sat down, Kei on his lap as he held him gently but protectively in his arms. He whispered everything and anything to him, but nothing was getting through. The blond was sobbing and not breathing properly, and he didn’t even seem to register anything that was going on around him.

If he had felt his heart shatter at seeing him last night, this feeling was infinitely worse. Tears welling in his own eyes, he glanced to the freckled boy, silently asking what to do. Tetsurou was helpless, he was scared, and he wasn’t able to make any difference. What killed him was the look he received from Yamaguchi in return, which once again confirmed his worst fears. All they could do was to keep on comforting and holding Tsukishima as he suffered, hoping that they could get through soon.

And so, that was what they did, the three of them murmuring comforting things to him and doing whatever they could to try and ease any of the pain that Kei was feeling. “I love you, Kei,” Kuroo whispered, praying that he would return to them soon. “Please, come back home.”

x-X-x

The moment when Kei’s eyes opened was the one when he finally began to respond. He was still sobbing, still breathing unevenly and still shaking, but he was also being held tightly in Tetsurou’s arms. The dark haired male was whispering about how he loved him, and hopelessness and fear in that sweet, warm voice. “T-Tetsu-“ he managed to croak, more sobs escaping from his lips as the tears spilled out. 

“Kei? Kei, I’m right here, Moonshine,” Kuroo assured him, pressing kisses into his hair and gently rocking him. His voice was a little frantic, but only because of the worry lacing it. “Oh gods, you’re finally back to me, you’re finally back home. Breathe with me okay, just breathe. I’m right here and I won’t let you go, you’re safe here with me. I love you so much, Kei, I love you so, so much.”

Tsukishima let out more sobs, looking up at Kuroo and seeing the tears staining the other’s cheeks and the relief clear in his expression, yet the loving look despite that. Bokuto and Yamaguchi had gone to play the practise matches (they hadn’t wanted to, but Kuroo had assured them that he could look after Kei and that the blond would probably feel bad if they all missed out), and so it was just them. He just let it all out once more, cursing himself for being so weak and emotional but slowly beginning to breathe and calm down. 

Kei stayed silent even after he was calm, continuing to cling to Tetsurou as he yawned and closed his eyes. He was exhausted and rightly so, it had taken a while for him to return back to reality, and longer still to calm down. Kuroo didn’t force him to talk, but continued to tell him how he loved him. The older male brushed away the tears from his eyes (pressing gentle kisses over where the tears had trailed down his cheeks). He changed the bandages on his hand and gently wiped the blood from his lips and chin with a rag, never stopping the murmurings and kind words. 

There was not a single hint of judgement or disgust, only love, love, love. The type of love that was so pure and raw and couldn’t help but be expressed from every fibre of Kuroo’s being; through the way he talked, acted and even just in his eyes.

On the surface, Tsukishima couldn’t fathom how Tetsurou could still look at him like that, could still genuinely care for him even when he was so broken and weak, but deep down he knew. He loved Kuroo just as much as Kuroo loved him, and he knew that he would always love his Tetsu even if he was struggling with mental health issues or injuries or anything that would cause him to struggle.

Kei wanted to apologise for being a bother, and he wanted to thank him for staying by his side. He wanted to stay away to protect Kuroo’s reputation, but he wanted to stay close to him and never let go. He wanted to curl up into a ball and fade away from the world, but he wanted to live and learn to love life, a life with Tetsurou in it. He wanted his wings, to be able to fly with his friends and be free, but also to be held in Kuroo’s arms as he flew them both through the night. Tsukishima had so much he wanted to say, but none of it came out the way he wanted. Only those three words, that were plenty enough for Tetsu to understand.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he whispered helplessly, wrapping his arms tightly around Kuroo and burying his face in the crook of his neck. His glasses having been taken off earlier, he was able to nuzzle the older easily, take in his scent and just relish in the fact that even when he struggled like he did, even if they were both boys and he was wingless, that Kei was loved by Tetsurou and he loved Tetsurou so, so much.

“I know, love, I know,” Tetsurou murmured, pressing a kiss into his hair and gently rubbing his back. “I love you too, Moonshine. God, I was so worried about you, I didn’t know what to do to help you and it was just so fucking hard because nothing I did seemed to help. I’m just glad you’re back with me, that you’re safe.” 

Kei looked up at him, giving him a weak smile and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Just staying with me was enough, Tetsu,” he said, barely audibly, before returning to nuzzling him. “I haven’t had one of those in over a year, so I think it was particularly bad. I used to get them a lot when I was younger, and then in my bad days. It’s like my mind shuts off to the outside world and all I can hear are the voices and I can’t feel anything going on. It’s worse than just being upset, and the triggers can be literally anything... I don’t have control over it, it just happens and the next thing I know I’m here.” 

Tetsurou smiled a little at the kiss and wrapped his wings around him, listening carefully to him as he quietly explained what happened. “I’m sorry that you have to suffer like that,” he began, running his fingers through the blond locks and sighing softly, “but I’ll be here for you for as long as you need. Or Yamaguchi or Bokuto, but I’ll try my best to look after you even if it’s through a phone call. I won’t force you to tell me, but if you can I’d like to know what triggered it, Kei. If it’s something that can be prevented, then I’d prefer that you didn’t have to go through all of that. It hurts me to see you hurting like that.”

Tsukishima stiffened when he got to the part about saying what it was that had made him upset. At the thought of their words he hugged Kuroo tighter and shook his head, guilt creeping back in. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but he couldn’t help but blame himself for what had happened. 

“Okay, that’s fine. I won’t force it, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m always here to listen to you, Kei, just remember that. Even if you think it’s something stupid, I’ll still listen, no matter what. I love you,” Tetsurou assured him gently, cupping his cheek and pressing light kisses across his face. Kei looked up into those hazel eyes, and let go of all the worries plaguing him. “You’re not broken, love, just suffering. I love the person you are even when you’re suffering, and I want to rescue you from the pain. So don’t think that you’re worthless or bothering me, because I want to look after you. I love you.”

Kuroo Tetsurou, the caring, handsome, wonderful guy in front of him, loved him. He knew that, how could he not? And Tsukishima Kei, despite suffering at the moment, loved him back. 

“I love you, Tetsu. I’ll tell you everything one day, I promise, I’m just scared. Even if it’s irrational to be that way because I trust you more than anyone else aside from Tadashi, I just can’t let it all out at the moment.”

“And that’s okay, Moonshine, it’s okay to be scared. I’ll listen, whenever you’re ready to tell me, even if that’s in five or ten years from now. I love you, and I mean forever, no matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was meant to be angsty for different reasons than it was... I’m sorry Tsukki, you get to be upset for the third time in one day and it’s not even morning tea time. I mean, at least he has the thing going on with Kuroo (ngl they’re basically dating even if they haven’t put a label on it yet lmao) so I hope that makes up for the angst in this chapter. (The next chapter will have some more hurt/comfort moments, but would y’all like some more fluff and a bigger break from the angst? I can give you a fluffy chapter soon if you want one)
> 
> Anyways, thank you all for all the lovely comments, I love reading them all and it really brightens my day! Have a great day and thanks for reading!


	11. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was planning on writing angst but this ended up being mostly fluffy, so enjoy some fluff before we have the return of the angst!

Kei once again ended up in Tetsurou's Nekoma jacket as he left the room with him and his bag. By the time they returned to the gym it was time for the morning tea break, as Tsukishima hadn't wanted to leave the room right away and Kuroo refused to leave him alone in there. The blond ended up playing something on the piano for him one handedly, a simple piece he'd played for him way back when they were kids, along with some other ones. His repertoire was limited when he was only using one hand, even when he knew how to play some complex pieces. Despite that, after he was finished playing he was much more relaxed, and Tetsurou clearly enjoyed listening to him play. 

Kuroo had texted a few people to say how Kei was, but after doing so he had a strange expression and frowned. Little did he know, it had been Lev texting him, the first year having heard some people saying cruel things about him, Bokuto, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima being gay earlier that morning, right before Tsukishima’s incident. The captain guessed that it could have been the thing to upset him, but he didn't want to pry because he saw how the blond had such a bad reaction earlier. Instead, he decided to watch carefully, and passed on the message to Bokuto, Akaashi and Yamaguchi. 

During morning tea, Tsukishima was sitting with his head rested on Tetsurou's chest, the older male's arms and wings wrapped around him. He had been worried at first, especially after the morning he'd had, but Kuroo understood even without him verbally expressing anything. It was comforting to know that he was cared for to such an extent. "I don't care if they look at us or say things, if it helps you then that's what's most important. Besides, I'd never pass an excuse to hug my Moonshine," he'd told him when they sat down, and that was the end of the discussion. The worry didn't completely subside, but it did help him to feel a bit more relieved. 

The group had decided to try a different strategy (as deemed on the group chat called 'Tsukki's Angels' with their whole group but Tsukishima a part of it with the purpose of making sure the blond would be happy. There was a seperate chat which did include Kei, which was where the actual conversations happened). Instead of just letting him be quiet, they made an effort to include Kei in the conversation even if it was just for a yes or no answer. By doing this, they kept him from thinking about things that might set him off, and made him feel a part of the group. 

Currently, Tsukishima was playing the dinosaur zoo game with Kenma and Hinata. By that, he was watching them play while commenting on each of the dinosaurs. Kenma would ask him for input into what dinosaurs they should get and which enclosures should go near each other, so he was still technically playing, but he wasn't moving things around on the screen like Shouyou and Kenma were. 

It wasn't too long before Lev came over, sitting behind the two, watching the game with interest. He seemed a little off compared to how Tsukishima had usually seen him though, like some of that usual spark wasn't really visible. The blond thought for a moment, questioning whether what he was about to do was really a good idea. Once he decided he shook his head and sighed before speaking up. "Is everything alright, Haiba-san?"

The half-Russian looked over at him and shrugged, moving so he sitting between Kenma and Tsukishima. "I'm just frustrated and upset and unsure, I guess. What those people were saying about you and Kuroo-san this morning was really uncool. Whether or not they were making assumptions, it was rude of them and I'm sorry that you had to hear that. If the guy I like actually liked me back and we were together, I would feel horrible if someone said that about him and his friends. I wanted to yell at them but Yaku-san said that it was a bad idea to start a fight in the middle of breakfast, during a training camp, especially with ignorant guys like that. Um, my point is, you shouldn't listen to their words since they're ignorant and they don't understand."

Tsukishima had froze a little when he heard what Lev was talking about, gaining Kuroo's attention too, but soon he relaxed and nodded slowly. Lev was tall, but he was harmless and not at all intimidating, and the sincerity of his words was kind of sweet considering he didn't seem to be all that bright. "Thank you, I guess," Kei said softly, glancing up at Tetsurou who smiled and nodded, and then back at the other first year. "I'm gay, and I'm not ashamed of that, but I dislike that sort of attention for, um, reasons. Tetsu and I... well, it's kind of complicated. We aren't really together, but we love each other very much. They're not exactly wrong, but we aren't really dating, if that makes sense. Anyways, what about you and your libero, what was his name, Yaku-san? He's the guy you like, right?"

"EHH!" Lev exclaimed, cheeks turning a shade of red as he twiddled his thumbs and smiled bashfully. "How did you know?"

"You're painfully obvious. Everyone on the team, and a few people from other teams know too. Everyone but Yaku," Kenma deadpanned, not looking up from the game and then returning to his conversation with Hinata. Kei laughed quietly at that and then nodded to Lev.

"I'm pretty sure he's oblivious to romantic feelings in general, to be honest. I found it hard to read whether he liked you back or not, seeming as he seems annoyed at you most of the time. It's probably one of a few things," Tsukishima explained, successfully catching Lev's full attention as he continued to talk. "It could be that he doesn't like you in that way, or he can't even realise his own feelings and so isn't acting any different around you other than just a senpai. He might seem annoyed around you because he's unsure how to deal with his own feelings and he's feeling frustrated with himself. Perhaps him being annoyed is his way of showing he cares, like tough love. I don't know, I've never actually been in a relationship before, I'm just overly observant. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."

Lev furrowed his eyebrows as he thought for a moment, causing Kuroo to laugh. The third year rested his chin on Tsukishima's head and hummed in thought before speaking up. "Tsk, tsk, Lev. How scandalous, falling for a third year~" he teased, moving his hand to be holding Kei's and lacing their fingers. "Honestly, to me it looks like, he just hasn't realised his feelings. Don't tell him you heard this from me, but despite you annoying the shit out of him, he can't help but find it endearing. Most people, particularly first years, don't try to associate with him since he is the 'Demon-senpai' after all, so I think he likes having someone that bothers him even when he doesn't think there's much reason for you to pay attention to him. It's only a matter of time before he realises, so just hang in their buddy."

"First, don’t worry, Tsukki, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s just who you are, so I don’t really mind. And thanks, Kuroo-san! He's just so small and adorable, but at the same time he's really strong and cool, like when he receives the ball or says he has our back! Even if I didn't like him, I really admire him," Lev ranted, a small blush on his cheeks as he did so. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, finding it odd to see the teen so... how could he put it, so lovestruck, and for their libero of all people. "Just cause I’ve never been in love before now and I don’t really have friends outside of the team to ask... um, Kuroo-san, what do you like about Tsukki? You only just met at the start of camp, right? He hasn't been to any of the other ones, so how did you know you liked him, and how did you confess?"

Tetsurou grinned and shook his head, wearing one of those mischievous expressions. "Nah, we've met before. He was my childhood best friend, and I liked him way back then too, so I guess you could say we reunited and those feelings had never really gone away." Kei blushed a little and glanced up at him, seeing the dark haired male with a soft pink blush on his tan cheeks. "I like everything about him, really, even the flaws. He might be a little reserved, but he's kind at heart, for example he asked you if you were alright even when he's had a shitty morning. He's really smart and talented at volleyball and piano, and he loves dinosaurs and strawberries. I love it when he smiles at me because I feel like the luckiest guy ever, knowing that he's right back here with me even if we were separated for ten years."

By now, Tsukishima was a blushing mess, and he had moved to be hugging Kuroo and burying his face in his chest so that Lev couldn't see how red he was. Perhaps this was a big giveaway, but he didn't care. Neither did Tetsurou, who just kissed his hair and wrapped his arms around him and helped him hide by covering him with his dark wings. "See, he's just cute like this! Anyways, on to your other question. We didn't really confess, per say, but we did share how we felt. It's a little complicated to explain to you since you don't know the whole story, but I guess we both kind of knew we liked each other and we weren't afraid to share it. Some things happened, and here we are. Like Kei said earlier, we aren't technically boyfriends because of some stuff going on, but we love each other very much and we both know that. The point is, every couple is different and has different things. You just need to find out how you and Yaku are together, because if you're going to confess I think he'd much prefer a sentimental thing or something that means something to both of you rather than a cliche behind the school confession or something. It'll take time, but perhaps you can start by doing a few things for him. Maybe buy him a coffee the next time you bug him on his walk to school, I don't know."

Seemingly much happier, Lev grinned, nodding at the suggestion. "You're really the best, Kuroo-san! Well, not as great as Yaku-san of course because he's my favourite senpai, but you're great too! You seem really cool too, Tsukki, you looked like you were really good at blocking the other night and Hinata said you're super awesome, so I'd love it if we could play together one day!"

At his words, Kei blushed but poked his head out with a nod. "Yes, I'm sure next year at training camp when my hand is better we can play together in the breaks, Haiba-san. And perhaps if they aren't too busy, some certain alumni can come and play with us like good old times," he said quietly, glancing up at Kuroo with a small smile. A whistle was blown from the gym, indicating that they needed to head back to practice. Kei stood before once again looking to Lev, pulling him aside from the group just a little bit so only the silver haired male could hear. "Good luck with Yaku-san, by the way. And, um, thanks for talking about this morning. I was kind of scared that it was all just my mind playing tricks on me, that I was just imagining it. I know there's lots of people in Karasuno that would support me, and that my friends would as well, but I don't think any of them actually knew about that going on. In hindsight, I'm guessing you told Tetsu about it since he seemed to know what to say, so really, thank you. You're a good guy, Yaku-san is lucky to have someone like you supporting him."

The half-Russian tilted his head but listened carefully to his words, his expression softening. He knew the conversation was more serious and knew to stay calmer rather than being his usual boisterous self. Alisa had taught him that, that sometimes people really needed him to be calm for a little while if they were upset or going through a rough time. He gave Tsukishima a smile and a thumbs up. 

"Mhm, I did tell Kuroo-san, and I would do it again any time. I've never quite fit in and so people used to talk about me a lot. It still happens sometimes, and it's never a good feeling. I know it's not the same, but I kind of get it, so if you're in a pinch I'll try to help you out, kay? And please, drop the 'Haiba-san' and just call me Lev. Everyone does, and you're my friend now so that's even more a reason to do so. Sorry, but I gotta head in there before Yaku gets annoyed at me for being late, but it's nice talking to you. Bye, friend!"

With that, the silver haired male ran inside, leaving a dumbstruck Tsukishima to walk over to Kuroo and slip his hand into the older male's. "Unbelievable, this is utterly unbelievable," he murmured, watching as Lev began to talk expressively to Yaku about something. "How is it that despite feeling like shit and not wanting to talk much to people, I still manage to make and keep friends? I really don't get it, not one bit."

Tetsurou laughed softly, sweet and full of warmth, and leaned in to whisper in his ear. His warm breath ticked Kei's neck, but the blond still leaned in a little closer to him anyway. "I mean, I can definitely understand the appeal. I think people just understand that things aren't great and relate a bit to the fact that you're struggling. Even if you think you aren't very talkative or you don't feel that great, people don't really mind and want to support you so you can bring out your happy, talkative side. I really don't know, since everyone has their own reasons, but everyone that you're becoming friends with is genuine in the way they're treating you. You're becoming a part of our volleyball family, and I'm sorry to say but you're not going to escape it now." Tetsurou leaned in closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek, the touch light as a feather and soft against Kei's skin. "Yamaguchi said that he was going to sit with you until the lunch break, but if you need me just call and I'll come running for you. I love you, Moonshine, so much."

Tsukishima gently squeezed his hand and nodded, leaning in to give Kuroo one more hug. The dark haired male hugged him back, whispering more sweet nothings in his ears as they each lingered close. After a few moments, they had to pull away, but Yamaguchi was waiting nearby for Kei so it wasn't so bad. 

They walked over to the freckled boy, and Kei glanced one more time up at Tetsurou, giving him a small smile. "Love you," he whispered, barely able to be heard over the gentle breeze. Yet, carried by the wind, it reached Kuroo's ears, and he smiled so lovingly at him that Tsukishima was sure his heart would leap out of his chest because of how that smile made him feel. The third year walked inside with a wave and headed to his team, beginning to warm up and get ready for some playing.

Tadashi chuckled softly at him and hummed a bit. "It's really nice seeing you like this. I know it's hard for you at the moment, but he makes you happy. I'm not going to lie, it's adorable the way you two look at each other," he teased gently, smiling up at his friend. 

Kei blushed but moved to hug Yamaguchi tightly, the gesture a way of saying thanks. "I wouldn't say I'm adorable, but you're right. I don't feel as bad when I'm with him, he's pretty much always been my safe place. But I'm happy with you, too, you know? I feel bad for taking you out of practise, though. Can we go sit upstairs and watch them?"

"Of course we can, Kei," Yamaguchi told him, walking with him upstairs to one of the balconies. "And don't feel bad, I like hanging out with you. Besides, I don't actually go on the court as often, even if it's only practise matches, since I'm learning to become a pinch server, remember?" Tsukishima nodded with a soft hum, relaxing as he sat forward so that he could see the teams. Behind his glasses, his eyes were fluttering between watching Karasuno, Nekoma and Fukurodani where his friends were. He didn't really have the energy to analyse them like usual, and just felt like watching them play volleyball. Particularly, he wanted to watch Kuroo, who seemed excited to get back to playing with his team. 

Kei knew how important Kuroo was to Nekoma, and how important Nekoma and volleyball were to Kuroo, and seeing how happy he was being able to play made him feel guilty. It was Tetsurou's last year in highschool, and he knew that even when they were kids he'd dreamed of going to nationals. By taking him away from training, he was potentially damaging those chances, and that was the last thing he wanted for the older.

A bitter feeling now in his chest, he moved away from the railing to lean against the wall, putting on his headphones. He hated how quickly he could go from being in a good mood to a bad one, but this was how it always was. He had to grow up and push past it though, since he wasn’t a child anymore and couldn’t always be relying on other people to make him feel better. Tadashi was watching him carefully, so he made sure to keep his expression neutral so as not to let on something was up. If he knew, Yamaguchi didn't force him to say, continuing to watch the matches. 

Unlike usual, Kei listened to music with lyrics, focusing on those rather than thinking. He didn't want to have to think about all of the horrible thoughts inside of his head, or how he was feeling. He wanted to sleep, to escape reality, but if he did that then he would likely only be plagued with more nightmares. With a sigh he closed his eyes, blocking out the world and allowing his mind to fade into the gentle lull of his music. 

How long it was that he spent like that he didn't know, but many songs passed by, so it must have been a while. He hadn't exactly been keeping track of time that day, not that it really mattered. Tsukishima felt a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him, and he opened his eyes to look at Tadashi. "Kei, Akiteru is here," the boy said, voice laced with an emotion he couldn't quite get a read on, because he was more in shock that his brother had apparently come all the way to Tokyo because of him, and for what reason other than to take him home? 

Kei froze, his heart picking up pace as he tried to keep his breathing steady. "I'll go see him, and I'd prefer to do it alone. Enjoy the rest of your training camp, okay?Please tell Tetsu that I'm sorry that I couldn't say goodbye to him," he said quietly, before grabbing his stuff and running out before Yamaguchi could comprehend what he'd said. The green haired male stuttered for a moment, unable to find the words to respond as he tried to make sense of what the blond had said.

Takeda was outside speaking with Akiteru, who seemed to be quite worried. He looked as bad as Kei felt, bags under his eyes and a concerned look the only clear expression on his face, and when he saw Kei coming over he immediately seemed to perk up and pay attention. Despite Akiteru seeming to be worried about him and seeming to care, the younger brother was extremely scared about the conversation they were about to have. Kei felt sick to his stomach, and his heart was aching and clenching as it beat faster and his breathing began to be more uneven.

He was about to run off when he felt a pair of arms around him, and an embrace unfamiliar yet so natural and easy to relax into. "It's okay, Kei, I'm here now. I know I haven't always been great at it, but I won't let you down this time," he heard Akiteru say, one hand rubbing his back and the other one reaching up to run through his hair. Kei closed his eyes and slumped against him, breathing continuing to be unsteady. He couldn't cry, not right now, there were no tears to be shed. Only raging emotions and a weak, trembling body. "Shit, Kei, let's get you sitting down before you fall," the elder mumbled, carefully helping him to sit on the grass outside the school and sitting down beside him. Takeda left to give them some privacy, and now they were just the two of them. 

It didn't help that it was getting harder to breathe, but somehow Kei was able to get out a few words. "Are you here to take me back?"

The question was barely able to be heard, yet Akiteru was close enough to hear it. Kei glanced up at him, a raw brokenness in his eyes that they had both hoped would never return. "Only if you want to go back. I don't want to force you to leave or stay, I want you to make the choice that's best for you. I might be your big brother, but we both know I'm not the best at figuring out how to help you. If you'd prefer to stay here with Yamaguchi, I want that for you too. I just wanted to come here to see you and help you as best I could. I don't ever want to find you like I did last time, I want to help you through as much as I can this time, if you'd let me. You're always going to be my baby brother no matter how old you get, and I love you."

Tsukishima let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd begun to hold, and wrapped his arms tightly around his older brother. "I missed you," he managed to say, relaxing as he felt the relief from hearing those things from his brother settle in his mind as reality. "I don't even remember the last time we really talked, Aki-nii. I thought you saw me as a nuisance and a bother and that you hated me. So much has happened, and I thought that if you drove all this way it would be to take me back home and that you would be angry at me for letting this happen..."

"No, no, I've never hated you, Kei. I've just never really quite understood you, I never really made an effort to. I was beginning middle school when it all happened, and I thought since I was a teenager, even if I was only thirteen, that I knew everything. I thought you were putting on an act to get Kaa-san's attention since you were jealous of me or something. And when I finally realised what was going on wasn't just for attention, I didn't know how to get through to you. My friends told me it was lame to stay at home or hang out with little kids and I believed them. I've just never tried to be there for you, I was selfish, and a horrible brother. But I never once hated you, I promise. I'm so, so sorry for what I did, for making you feel like I hated you." Akiteru hugged him tightly, a few tears in his eyes as he gave Kei a sad smile. "But if you'll let me, I want to make up for that. I don't expect you to tell me everything or to trust me just yet, but I want you to know that I care and I'm always here if you need me."

The taller pulled away from the hug and looked down, giving him a weak smile for a moment. "It's a start, right?" he whispered, shrugging. "I'm not going to lie and say that I can trust you, because it's hard for me to after everything that happened. But it's been so long, and I've missed having my real Nii-chan. I always just wanted you to be my big brother like you were before I was taken away, but I thought it would never happen. I don't think you would drive hours to get to Tokyo if you didn't care, so I'll give you a chance, but I'm staying here with Tadashi, Tetsu and the others."

Akiteru nodded, wearing a relieved and happy smile. "Thank you, Kei. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm glad," he said, giving him a thumbs up and loosely wrapping an arm around him. "So, who's this 'Tetsu'?"

"Huh? Oh, right, you don't know..." Kei said quietly, taking a deep breath before beginning to explain. "His name is Kuroo Tetsurou, he's the captain of Nekoma's volleyball team, and he was my next door neighbour back then. He's very important to me."

Akiteru smiled kindly as if to prompt him to continue talking, and talk they did. Maybe it would take time to mend their relationship, but for now they had a lot of catching up to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed the chapter, have a great weekend!


	12. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so heads up / TW — the second half of the chapter is super angsty, and includes stuff to do with suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide

Tsukishima Akiteru was surprised, to say the least, when he met Kuroo Tetsurou, the teen that his brother spoke so fondly of. He had figured something was between them after the things that his brother had said, not that he had a problem with that, but from the way Kuroo was described he had a very different picture in his head.

Akiteru imagined someone more like Yamaguchi or Sugawara, who were kind and supportive and undyingly loyal. He expected a guy who was smart (he was a chemistry nerd, as Kei had said) and calm, patient and gentle, someone who would comfort his brother whenever he needed, and probably someone quite obviously dorky. He guessed that whoever it was probably liked oversized jackets, as the red Nekoma jacket Kei was still wearing fit him quite well, if not a little baggy.

Needless to say, when Kuroo made his way out to the both of them to let them know it was time for lunch, Akiteru’s jaw went slack. Here was this tall guy, taller than Akiteru yet shorter than Kei, with some extreme bed hair and well defined muscles. He was clearly a third year, and had this confident air about him in the way he carried himself, and along with that sly grin that looked so natural (Akiteru wouldn’t be surprised if the guy was born with it), he was the polar opposite of what he’d expected to see from any of Kei’s friends. He was actually intimidated by the teen in front of him, and he hoped that maybe he was just sent out to get them and that this wasn’t actually one of the people Kei spoke so fondly of (because he couldn’t imagine his brother hanging out with a guy who looked like he rode a motorcycle and probably got drunk off his ass at some party). Akiteru stood up before the younger did, greeting the guy with a smile that he hoped didn’t reveal how intimidated he was. “Hello, I’m Tsukishima Akiteru, Kei’s brother. It’s, uh, nice to meet you.”

The guy’s eyes widened in recognition, and he began watching him more intently, an unknown emotion in the gaze of those hazel eyes. “Hey, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou,” he said stiffly, shaking the hand that Akiteru had offered. “It’s nice to meet you too, Tsukishima Akiteru. I hope we can get along.”

The warning was silent, but not unheard. ‘You hurt Kei, and I won’t care if you’re his brother. I won’t forgive you.’ Akiteru let go of his hand, slipping it into the pocket of his hoodie. “I hope we can get along too,” he said with a smile, praying to any and every god that they would take mercy on him and that this wasn’t really the guy his brother was smitten with. After he’d nodded though, Kuroo seemed satisfied with that and his expression was more friendly. In a way it was nice that he seemed to be protective of him, and perhaps he’d gotten the wrong idea if Kei had said he thought he hated him. Still, imagining any of the kind and gentle attributes on this guy just seemed impossible. Yet, as Kei stood up behind him, and Kuroo’s eyes met his, there was a complete shift in demeanour. 

Tetsurou’s expression softened into a gentle and loving one, and it was so painfully obvious that those feelings were genuine. This bad boy, punk looking guy was completely and utterly in love with Kei, and the way his brother looked back at him made it clear he felt the same way too. As if it hadn’t been enough, no more than a second later Kei was in those arms, hugging him tightly. Kuroo kissed his head, and gave him a loving smile, and in that moment Akiteru understood that his brother hadn’t lied when he’d described Kuroo. Perhaps he looked intimidating, but he also had that caring and supportive side too, and that wasn’t just an act either, he was even willing to show that side around other people if it meant Kei was happier.

Kei leaned and whispered something in Tetsurou’s ear, and the male nodded, sending an apologetic look towards Akiteru. Kuroo pulled away a bit from the hug and then wrapped one of his arms around Kei’s waist. 

“Um, yeah, so this is Tetsu,” Kei said with a shy smile, glancing between his brother and the third year. “And this is Akiteru, my big brother. He’s not making me go back like I thought, which is good, but I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Kuroo smiled gently and shook his head. “No, don’t be. I get that things were uncertain, and I wouldn’t have been mad, only a little upset that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I would have come over earlier, but you didn’t seem uncomfortable and I think you two had a bit to talk about. I’m glad things are going well, Kei,” he told the taller blond, pressing a kiss to his cheek and humming softly. “How about we go have lunch, though? Freckles was freaking out heaps and came to tell me what happened, and I think Lev and Hinata got worried too. They’d like to see you. You’re welcome to come as well, Akiteru-san, I checked with the sensei.”

The two Tsukishima’s nodded, the younger staying close to Tetsurou as they headed up to where lunch was. It was in the same hall as breakfast this time, and Kei didn’t exactly feel safe in the room with all of those other people around after the incident that morning. Kuroo didn’t mind and kept on hugging him even as they sat down, their chairs pressed close together. Yamaguchi had clearly been worried about him and let out a sigh in relief as he saw them walking over, sitting beside Kei and asking how he was. Akiteru was sitting beside Kuroo, and they were talking together about something to do with plans for university and the future (aka Akiteru wanting to get to know the guy who could end up as his brother in law).

Somewhere along the line, Kei had been brought into discussing blocking with Lev and Hinata, which turned into a conversation about dinosaurs, and then changed into one about what would happen if they were turned into their favourite animal (which for the two more excitable middle blockers happened to be cats). Yamaguchi had gone to ask some of the pinch servers on other teams for advice, and Bokuto was off doing something, so it was just the three of them in the conversation.

“I don’t think it would be so bad if I was turned into a cat, because then I could go and live with Kenma because he loves cats and I could cuddle up to him and it would be really nice,” Hinata explained, not having to be worried about accidentally spilling feelings to his crush, as said setter was talking with Akaashi, Sugawara and Yaku at a table elsewhere. 

Lev nodded in agreement and beamed, pulling out his phone and showing them photos of a Russian blue cat. “This is one of my cats, her name is Satoshi, and I think I’d look like her if I was a cat. I think I’d be torn between convincing Yaku to adopt me and staying at home and being friends with her and my other cats,” he said happily, before he looked to Tsukishima. “What about you, Tsukki? Would you turn into a dinosaur or something?”

Kei shrugged and thought for a moment, fiddling with the hem of Kuroo’s Nekoma jacket which he was still wearing. “Probably not a dinosaur, because then I’d be taken away and I wouldn’t want that. A cat might be nice, maybe a Maine Coon? But if I really could turn into an animal, probably a bird like a crow or an owl, so I could fly,” he said softly, sighing and closing his eyes. He couldn’t remember what it was like to feel the weight of wings on his back, to fly of his own free will. He had told himself he was fine with this life without wings, but he knew nothing could ever truly replace his wings. It only took a moment, one single thought, and the ache in his chest returned. He put on a smile, not wanting to make the pair feel bad since they hadn’t done anything to intentionally upset him, and standing up. “While it’s been an... interesting discussion... I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right to go on my own, so I’ll see you in a bit when I get back.”

He gave Kuroo and Akiteru a warm smile so as not to alert them that something was up (he really didn’t want to be a bother yet again that day) and slipped out of the room, heading to the bathroom not far from their room so he wouldn’t be disturbed. The two trusted that he would be okay, and since they didn’t want to make him feel bad or like he wasn’t independent they let him go. It was only going to the bathroom, not like he was going to the store.

Nobody had followed him out, either, so it wasn’t like someone was going to target Kei or something when he was alone, so they weren’t worried. 

Tsukishima was walking up the stairs to get to the floor where his room was on when a few guys from one of the other teams approached him, having gone to their rooms for some reason or another. He recognised them immediately as some of the ones insulting him this morning and continued walking up the stairwell in the hopes that they would ignore him and head downstairs. Kei couldn’t handle another confrontation, especially not alone, and he’d left his phone in his bag at the table. 

“Oi, Megane-kun.” He froze, unable to move from his spot on the stairs as the three walked up, two standing in front of him and one behind so that he couldn’t get away. “That was some stunt you pulled this morning, running off like that. While it was quite funny, you didn’t get to hear everything we wanted to say.”

Their leader, while the shortest of them, was still rather tall. Their eyes already told most of the story, and that alone terrified him, their gaze digging into his soul. “Well, well, boys, would you look at this? The little fag is scared, like he’s going to pee himself! I bet if it was any one of those other guys he’d love this. Such a dirty, needy slut, it’s so pathetic and disgusting. I wonder, what did you do to brainwash Kuroo? Probably told him a sob story about not having wings to make him pity you,” he said cruelly, slamming Kei against the wall and moving in close so their lips were mere centimetres away. “I bet you like this, and that you’d like being ruined by a real man. However, I’m not one to fall for your lies. I won’t be seduced like Kuroo, nor would I ever think about kissing or doing that with another man. It’s unnatural, and quite frankly repulsive.”

The guy then pulled away, watching with a smirk as Tsukishima slid down to the ground, curling up into a ball. He had already regressed somewhat after the rice incident, and so confrontation and insults had a greater effect on him. He wasn’t emotionally stable, he knew that, and if something set him off it wouldn’t be hard to send him spiralling down. 

One of the others, Gota, burst out into laughter, their leader (he vaguely recognised him as the captain of Nohebi) crouching down beside him and whispering in his ear. “Nobody could ever really love you, Megane-kun. I’ve known Kuroo for years, you could say we’re rivals of sorts. He knows that he’s just putting up with you for the training camp, that he’s lying and that he doesn’t love you. The moment you leave, he’ll return back to his old ways, dating girls, fucking them and then breaking their hearts. You’re just a toy to him, he’s just playing you. Someone like him wouldn’t actually like guys, you know what he’s like, hot and popular with the ladies. Has he ever kissed you on the lips? He’s just using you, and when some hot girl comes along he’ll go with her, because you’ll never be good enough for him. And all of those friends you think you’re making? He’s just telling them to be friends with you, so that he can enjoy watching you break completely. They don’t actually want to talk with you. Nobody wants you, especially not here. You’re just a useless, wingless faggot, a manager who probably only came along to try and get with one of these guys, who is so bad at what he does that he can’t even go and buy rice without causing a scene.”

Each and every word pierced Kei’s heart, and once again his world came crumbling down around him, because in his mind it could all be true. He’d wondered how he could make all of those friends, most of whom were from other teams and people Kuroo knew. Why would Tetsurou say he loved him after only a few days, when he was so broken and pathetic like he was? Why was he wasting time with someone like Kei, when he could probably have anyone he wanted to. There were so many other people who were more attractive, who were happy, who could give him children and a happy future. 

He was just plain, wingless, disgusting Tsukishima. He always caused trouble, making people take time out of their day to look after him since he couldn’t do it himself. He only brought pain to other people, he only brought them shame. All of a sudden, in only a few minutes, all of the progress he’d made over the past year disintegrated. The guys laughed together, not knowing what they had done, and saying a few more things before walking off and leaving him there. 

Kei heard them walk down the stairs, and then a few more steps as someone began to make their way up the stairs. He was a few floors up, so if he was quick he could avoid being seen. Despite his vision being blurred from the tears that were falling, he got up, quietly yet nimbly climbing up the stairs to the top floor. He opened the door silently, quietly closing the door and walking onto the roof. They had been told at the beginning of camp that going up there wasn’t allowed, but right now he just didn’t care. Tsukishima wasn’t one to break rules, so nobody would expect him to be up here. Whether it was a blessing or a curse he didn’t know, he just wanted to be alone. He had already bothered everyone so much, when they didn’t even want to be around him, and if they saw him crying they would take even more time away from volleyball to look after him and he didn’t want that. 

Tetsurou didn’t need him, those guys were right. He could get any girl he wanted with those good looks and that charming smile, he didn’t need to waste time on Tsukishima. It was more important that Kuroo kept on playing volleyball, since that was something that he had loved even before he met Kei. 

The day had been sunny before, but during the time they had been eating lunch, grey clouds had formed across the sky. The wind picked up, and the downpour soon began. Nobody in their right mind would try flying in these conditions, so they couldn’t just fly up to see where he was from a distance. The sound of the rain against the roof completely snuffed out his loud sobs that may have been audible otherwise, and though his hand began to sting from where the bandages soaked it was a welcome pain. He deserved to be out here in the cold and the wet, he deserved to suffer, because he was worth nothing.

The voices raged inside his head, even stronger than the sound of the rain, and his body went numb. How long had it been since he felt this way? It must have been that night in the bathroom, before Akiteru had found him. It was cold then, too, he remembered. His body shook violently, racked with sobs and shivers, yet he stood up once more. 

He took off Kuroo’s jacket, looking down at his scarred arms, and allowed the rain to touch his skin. He took off his glasses — unable to see well anyway through the rain and tears — and took off his shoes, followed by his socks. Lastly, he took off his shirt, moving his uninjured hand to run over the scars left behind from his wings. 

Oh, how he wished to fly once more, even if it was wet and raining. 

‘You can fly’ the voices told him, words as sweet and deadly as poison. ‘If you jump, it’ll be just like flying. You know you want to, you’ve always wanted to fly. It won’t hurt, you’ll finally be free.’ He let his mind take control, feeling the wind and rain on his skin and imagining he was about to take flight. His body moved on its own, moving closer to the railing.

His eyes were closed tightly, head filled with taunts and encouragements, his heart full of pain yet so numb. How had it come to this? How had he returned to feeling this way, so broken and horrible, at a time in his life when he was surrounded by more friends and people that cared than he ever had?

Kei opened his eyes as he reached the railing, placing one foot on, his hands in place so that he could climb on top. Just a few movements, and he could be free. He could fly, he wouldn’t have to burden anyone else with his existence. Kuroo wouldn’t have to lie to him or pity him just because he was his childhood best friend, Yamaguchi could ask Yachi out and freely spend time with her without feeling bad about leaving Kei alone. Akiteru wouldn’t have to keep up the act that he cared, and neither would Bokuto and Akaashi and everyone else at this camp. 

He could jump, it would be so easy. The voices were willing him to jump, to fly once more, so that his last thoughts would be of freedom. He could finish what his father started, that would surely make the man happy to know. 

Kei stayed like that for a moment, and slowly began to hoist himself up, unsteady because of the rain and wind. Maybe he wouldn’t turn into a bird, but perhaps he could be reincarnated as one. That life would be much easier, wouldn’t it?

He was already incredibly pathetic, having returned to this state after the smallest of things. He was overreacting, when all he was told was the truth. Anyone else wouldn’t even be upset, they would just accept it and try to be better, right? He was the one who was stupid for getting upset like this. Yet, even as he knew that, he couldn’t stop his body moving. Tsukishima Kei had always been weak, his father had known that and that was why he took away his wings, since someone like him didn’t deserve to fly. Even if he didn’t deserve it, though, he desperately wanted to fly on his own one more time, even if that was the last thing he did.

One foot was on the top of the railing, his hands gripping it tightly, and his other foot was ready to push off the ground. Behind him, the door of the roof opened, the sound of that and people’s voices drowned out by the rain, the intensity of the wind, and the voices in Kei’s head. Taking one last look behind him, he made eye contact, smiling at Tetsurou. “Don’t worry, I’ll be free,” he told him, speaking though his own voice was unable to be heard. “I love you, Tetsu.” He’d said goodbye, hadn’t he? He wanted Tetsurou, to be held in those arms one last time, but those words from the snake captain echoed in his mind once more, reminding him that Kuroo didn’t need him. With that, Kei hoisted himself up onto the railing, feeling the wind swirling violently around him. It was only for a moment, until wet feet went slipping on the wet metal, sending him toppling over the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the angst has made a return... oops? Don’t worry, I’m angry at myself for this too. Thanks for all the comments and support I’ve been getting, and I hope that even if this is super duper angsty your day/evening is awesome.


	13. 12

Kei had his eyes closed as he slipped off the edge, feeling the wind whipping around him and the rain on his skin. He didn’t want to see the ground coming, he wanted to imagine that he was flying. Yet, all he could think of as he fell was Tetsurou, his loving, smiling face and those gentle kisses and his warm embrace. Had that really been faked? What if he had left behind the one person who loved him, what then? Even if it was real, he didn’t deserve someone like that, he was weak, wingless, broken Kei. There was nothing he could do, he had sealed his fate and there was no going back from this now. At least now, he was free-

A jolt was sent through his body as he was plucked from the sky, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him and keeping him from falling to his doom. Seconds later they were on the wet grass, back on the ground, and Kei was being held tightly. As he slowly opened up his eyes, though through teary and blurred vision, he could make out Kuroo’s face. He didn’t hug him back, nor did he pull away. Tsukishima didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t even know what he felt, let alone how to explain why he’d jumped off. 

Everything that Nohebi’s captain had said had seemed so true and made sense, yet seeing the third year sobbing and shaking and clearly terrified... he knew Tetsurou wasn’t faking any of that. 

That was when the guilt and realisation of what he’d just done began to settle in, and Kei began to sob, clinging tightly to Kuroo and crying loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he choked out between sobs, voice so small and scared. The older male had yet to actually say anything, too overwhelmed and overcome with shock and relief. He was running his fingers through Kei’s hair, doing whatever he could to comfort him and make sure he wasn’t going to leave him.

“I love you,” Tetsurou eventually whispered, his voice thick with emotion and so very sad, full of helplessness and almost sounding broken. He was conflicted, not knowing whether Kuroo actually cared about him, but also feeling guilty that he was the reason the man he loved was upset. “Gods, I love you so much, Kei. I thought I was going to lose you, I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”

Kei stiffened, breaking out into more sobs and shaking his head. He let the voices win over once more, spilling out what he thought was the truth before he could stop himself. “You don’t need me,” he replied quietly, closing his eyes as more violent shakes racked his body. “How can you say you love me? I know I’m just a game to you, so please don’t lie and get my hopes up. Please don’t force people to be my friends and have everyone pretend to care, please just let me be free.”

Tetsurou froze, his heart breaking with every word. More than the weather, he was chilled to the bone seeing the blond so small and looking so broken. “I’m not lying, Kei, I never was. I love you, from the bottom of my heart I love you. What did I do to make you think that I didn’t? I’ve always loved you, I’ve never lied to you, I promise. Why did you try to leave me, my Moonshine? You know all I want is to love you, to see you happy again? Please let me in, help me to understand,” he pleaded, cupping Kei’s cheek with one hand, gently brushing his thumb over the wet skin with a touch as light as a feather, as if he would break with any rough treatment.

Tsukishima opened his eyes, seeing love and sadness and fear in those hazel eyes that were usually so bright and warm. And so, going against the voices in his head, he founding himself wanting to believe Kuroo. “If you really love me, kiss me,” he whispered, glancing down so as not to meet Tetsurou’s gaze. “He asked if you’d ever kissed me, he said that you didn’t really want me and that you told everyone to be friends with me, that you only pitied me. That you hadn’t kissed me because you didn’t actually love me.”

“Oh, Kei,” Tetsurou whispered, shaking his head. “It wasn’t that, it was never because of that. I didn’t think you wanted that sort of relationship and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Whoever it was that told you those things lied to you, my love, I promise you that. If you still want, I can kiss you, but only if you want it. I won’t kiss you just to prove a point, I want my and our first kiss to be special for both of us.”

Kei glanced up at him, finding nothing but truth in his expression and his words. “You promise you love me?” he asked, voice almost inaudible.

“I love you, Kei, I’ll always love you, I promise you,” Kuroo assured him, giving him a sad yet loving smile.

“I love you too, Tetsu,” he murmured, leaning in and resting his head on Kuroo’s chest where he could hear the older male’s heartbeat. Their kiss could wait for another time, then, because right now Kei’s body was exhausted from the wet and the cold, and everything else going on inside his head. Within moments, his body fell limp in Tetsurou’s arms. 

Kuroo scooped him up, covering his body from view with his wings and carrying him inside out of the rain. He was seething, silent anger at the person who had told his sweet, wonderful Kei all of those things that would cause this to happen. Bokuto and the others were waiting with towels and other things, the ace having found Tsukishima’s stuff on the roof when Kuroo didn’t return from checking up there.

Tetsurou didn’t say a word to any of the people who were clearly worried and carried Kei to the room, where they could look after him with more privacy. First there was the attack, followed by the freak out that morning, and now this. Tsukishima didn’t deserve any of this, and it hurt him to know that the person he loved so much was suffering.

Gently laying him on the bed and kissing his forehead, it was obvious that Kei was feverish and not well. He was still shaking even despite being unconscious, and while usually when the blond slept he had a peaceful expression, this one was pained and scared. 

“Kuroo, what happened?”

He glanced up to see Yamaguchi there, Bokuto and Akaashi beside him, all knowing exactly what had occurred even despite asking. “Exactly what you think happened, there’s no need to ask. Just take care of him for me, okay? That snake bastard will have hell to pay for what he did,” he hissed, the dark feathers of his wings fluffing up in agitation. “He convinced Kei that we were lying to him about being friends, that I had forced you guys to hang out with him and that we were all going to betray him. He made Kei think that I didn’t really love him, that I was just using him, and there is definitely more that he didn’t tell me about.”

Bokuto frowned, but sighed, shaking his head and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Tetsurou, don’t. I know you’re angry at him, but it won’t solve anything if you start a fight with Daishou. It’s stuff like that that’ll get you suspended, or removed from captaincy, or even kicked off the team. If that happened, I’m sure Tsukishima would probably never forgive himself. If you or Akaashi had done that back when I was struggling, and your careers were affected, I never would have forgiven myself either.”

Kuroo smacked away the hand, pushing past and shaking his head. “I don’t care, Koutarou! You didn’t see how hurt Kei was, you didn’t watch him jump-“

A slap echoed quietly in the room and interrupted his words, and Akaashi glared ferociously at him. Tetsurou’s cheek stung, but only a little, the setter clearly only intending to get him to be quiet and not actually hurt him. “Shut up, Kuroo-san. I understand that you’re angry, but if Tsukishima wakes up to you yelling, how do you think he’s going to react? Kou is right, you need to calm down. Come on, I know where there’s an actual punching bag that you can use. Kenma and I can sort out things with the sensei while you blow of some steam, and then shower. Tsukishima is going to need you when he wakes up, and you won’t be helping anyone if you’re like this.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied guiltily, having immediately glanced to Tsukishima to check if the blond had been at all disturbed. He backed down, though was still clearly frustrated at the moment. “You’re right, let’s go. Yamaguchi, Bokuto, take good care of him for me, I’ll be back when I won’t feel so much like slugging Daishou and wiping the smirk off that fucker’s face.”

With that, he left the room, walking with Akaashi in the direction of one of the other gyms, which the setter unlocked. “The sensei gave them to me ages ago, perks of being a vice captain since Koutarou will forget them or lose them if he keeps a hold of them,” he explained before the third year asked, heading straight to the storage closet and chucking Kuroo some gloves so he didn’t injure his hands. “The stuff is over there, go wild, but not too wild. Look after the keys, and for the love of god don’t do anything stupid. We’ve all been through too much for one day and it’s only mid afternoon.”

“Yeah, yeah, Akaashi,” he muttered, grabbing the keys and nodding before walking over to where the punching bags were set up already. 

Twenty minutes later, even despite wearing gloves, his knuckles still ended up bruised. Tetsurou was cold, wet with sweat and rain, and very concerned about Kei. Knowing he wasn’t going to do any more practise for the day, he went and showered before heading to the baths, having a long soak. Kenma brought him clean clothes, and took the keys to give back to Akaashi, but other than that he didn’t see anyone.

Nobody saw the moment when Kuroo Tetsurou, provocation master and confident captain of Nekoma, broke down into tears. He cried, and shook, and cried some more, and once again he was the scared little boy as his next door neighbour and childhood friend was taken away, bloodied on a stretcher. He was weak and scared and upset, and utterly incapable of doing anything to help.

Once again, he couldn’t help but feel like this was all his fault.

x-X-x

Meanwhile, back in the room, Bokuto and Yamaguchi were looking after Yamaguchi. The freckled teen had dried him off and changed him, having helped him similarly many times before back when Kei was like this and wouldn’t look after himself at all. Following that, they covered him in blankets, making sure he was warm enough, and rested a wet rag on his forehead. He was out there for a long time in the wet and rain, and the long day he’d had hadn’t helped, so it wasn’t exactly surprising that he’d developed a fever. 

He seemed to be more comfortable than before, and was currently wearing one of Kuroo’s other hoodies, curled up to his stuffed dinosaur. He was like that for about forty five minutes before beginning to stir, glancing up at Yamaguchi with a defeated look in his eyes. “Tadashi,” Kei mumbled softly, whining softly and hugging Rex closer to his chest. “Cold. Hug?”

“Of course, Kei, I’d be glad to hug you,” he replied gently, slipping under the covers and wrapping an arm around him. “Is that better?”

He didn’t receive a response other than a quiet ‘mhm’, yet he returned the embrace and curled close to him, listening to Yamaguchi’s heartbeat and looking up at him. They were quiet like that for a while, since Tadashi was hesitant to ask about what had happened in fear of a relapse. 

“‘Dashi? Are you just friends with me because you pity me?” Kei eventually asked, his voice small and scared, so unlike the usual way he spoke. “I don’t think you do, but I wanna here it from you.”

Tadashi’s expression softened, and he gently began to run his fingers through Kei’s hair, humming a bit. “No, I’m not friends with you because I pity you. I’m friends with you because you’re Tsukki, and you’re my brother. And brothers always stick together no matter what, even if you fight for a while. You might struggle a lot, but you’re the bravest person I know. You made it this far and you’re still here, and even if you don’t feel brave you are. You’re an inspiration for me, that you kept going and you were improving, and I know you can do it again. And I really love getting to spend time with you and see you happy, so no matter how long it takes you to be truly happy again, I’ll always be here, and then after that.”

Kei watched him carefully, feeling a small spark of joy deep down as he heard that. Yamaguchi cared about him, and genuinely was glad that he was still alive. Those words meant so much to him, and silenced any of the voices in the back of his mind telling him anything otherwise. “You’re the bestest best friend and brother, ‘Dashi,” the blond murmured in response, looking away as tears welled in his eyes again. “Sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you and for almost leaving you. I must have really worried you, I let the voices get the best of me and they won. If not for Tetsu, I wouldn’t even still be here.”

“You’re right, I was very worried and I still am. But, even if it was just because of Kuroo, you’re still here, and that’s got to mean something, right? The gods wanted you to keep on living, they didn’t think it was time for their angel to go to them just yet. I get that it’s hard and you’re hurting, and I’m hurt but not angry. I’m mostly relieved that you’re still here, that I didn’t lose you,” Yamaguchi said, humming softly as he tilted Kei’s face to be facing him and wiped away the tears that had begun to fall. “You don’t have to hide your feelings or pretend to be happy. No matter what anyone says, I’ll always be here for you, and so will Kuroo and the others. We love you, and that’s a promise, so you can always come to us. We’ll take you any way you come, as long as you’re still here.”

Kei gave him a nod, and though he couldn’t manage to smile, the look in his eyes did the smiling for him. “Thank you, ‘Dashi. I know it’ll be hard, but I promise I’ll try my best to do that.” He then hugged Yamaguchi tighter, closing his eyes and sighing shakily, moving to ask about the other thing he’d been thinking about. “How is Tetsu? I think he was really upset with what happened and I don’t want him to be upset or blame himself or something. I probably hurt him the most, I saw him yet I still jumped.”

“I don’t know, Kei, I’m sorry,” Yamaguchi replied, shaking his head. “He was really angry and wanted to get into a fight with Daishou for what he said, but Akaashi convinced him to take it out on one of the punching bags in one of the other gyms instead, and I think he said he was going to have a bath earlier so that’s probably why he’s not here. Do you want Bokuto to call and ask him to come back?”

“No, you don’t have to do that,” Kei said quietly, biting his lip and then wincing at the pain from where he’d hurt it earlier that morning. It all felt so long ago now, after what had happened. Even if he was hurting himself, he still worried for Tetsurou, he still loved him from the bottom of his heart.

Bokuto nodded in agreement from where he was sitting with Akaashi, a little shaken up at the event. It was a little hard for him to be around this sort of thing as it triggered his own memories, though he really wanted to support Tsukishima through it because he had suffered similarly. “That would be for the best, Yamaguchi. If he’s upset, it’s probably best not to worry him or force him to come back. Kuroo doesn’t particularly like showing his weaknesses around other people, particularly when he doesn’t want to worry someone who’s hurting. I don’t think he would want to burden Tsukki or anyone else with his feelings, even when he knows we don’t mind listening to him.”

“Don’t think that he doesn’t trust you, though, Tsukishima,” Akaashi interrupted, gently squeezing Bokuto’s hand that he was holding. “He probably trusts you more than anyone here, even though he’s known us for longer. I just think that after what happened when you two were kids, he feels similar to that. He’s probably very overwhelmed and hurt, along with being angry and scared and feeling like he can’t do anything to help you. Tetsurou’s used to being strong for other people, he’s always watching out for his teammates and friends, and it’s not often that he opens up about his own issues. He needs some time alone to think things through and let it out, so he doesn’t bottle things up completely. Kenma said he’d try to talk to him later on, but I honestly don’t think we’ll get much out of him.”

Kei thought for a moment but nodded. On one hand he was even more worried since he didn’t know how to help, but if Kenma could help him then that would be good. He would still try to cheer Tetsurou up if he was upset, though, even if it wasn’t through the teen explaining what was wrong. Content for the moment yet still tired, Kei yawned quietly, and curling closer to Yamaguchi. “Thanks, Akaashi, Koutarou... I’m going to try to go to sleep again, but please let Tetsu know when he comes back that I’d like to have him near to me.”

“I will, Tsukki. Sleep well,” Yamaguchi said, smiling gently at him and running his fingers though Kei’s hair. It wasn’t long before he was asleep once more, looking much more peaceful than he had been earlier.

x-X-x

It was another hour before Tetsurou finally made his way back to the room, having sat outside under the veranda and just listened to the rain, thinking and waiting so that it wouldn’t be obvious that he’d been crying. Kenma had sat beside him, giving him a blanket and silently comforting him just by being there, not forcing him to say anything. There was no need to explain what was wrong, not to Kenma who knew him in such a way that his eyes told it all.

By the time Kuroo returned, it was just Yamaguchi and Tsukishima in the room, as Akiteru had visited while he’d been out. The freckled male was reading a book, though he closed it and got up when he saw the third year enter. “He said he wanted you to be close to him, so don’t feel guilty or like you’ll make him uncomfortable or something. He did have a slight fever from the cold, but it’s mostly gone down so I don’t think there’s a reason to worry. Let us know if you need anything,” he explained, patting his shoulder and heading out the room. 

Tetsurou thanked him quietly, walking over and sitting down beside Kei with a frown. Even despite hearing what Tadashi said, he couldn’t help but feel worried that he would make things worse somehow. He had already let this happen by not going with him, and perhaps he’d gone a little too far when he’d teased Daishou in their practice game before lunch. After taking off his shoes, he pulled his legs to his chest and rested his head in his knees, sighing softly.

He didn’t know how long he was there, but it wasn’t overly long before he heard the shifting of blankets and looked up to see Kei looking at him. The blond frowned and slipped out of bed, going to his bag and grabbing out an oversized, fluffy black sweater and giving it to Kuroo. “I’m wearing one of your hoodies, so you can wear my one. Then come cuddle me?” he asked him quietly, tugging at Tetsurou’s arm and giving him a hopeful look, as if he was worried that he’d overstepped his bounds. Kei was hesitant and worried, obviously still being effected greatly by everything going on despite not seeming to be in a detrimental mood at the moment. “Sorry... you don’t have to if you’d prefer not to. But if you’re here with me, then I wanna be close to you.”

Tetsurou, despite feeling as guilty and horrible he was, couldn’t say no to that, and slipped on the sweater. It smelled a lot like Kei, he noted, and was baggy even on him. “No, don’t apologise, Moonshine. I think it’s really sweet,” he assured him truthfully, giving him a tired smile. Kei had already lay down again, holding out his arms so that there was a space right beside him for the dark haired male. Kuroo slipped under the blankets and lay down beside him, pulling Kei into a warm embrace. He saw and felt how much the blond seemed to calm, resting his head on top of where Kuroo’s heart was. It was really, really nice to be together, Tetsurou felt, finding that he was relaxing himself. “I love you, Kei,” he whispered gently stroking through his hair. “I love you and your beautiful soul, no matter how hard things might be for you.”

Tsukishima yawned but nodded, snuggling up to him and nuzzling his chest gently. “I got that sweater because it reminded me of you, you know? Soft and fluffy like your hair and wings. I really missed you when we were apart, Tetsu.”

Tetsurou blinked and hummed softly, finding a gentle smile making it’s to his face. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you, Kei. I missed you so much.” He looked to Kei, who gave him the slightest hint of a smile, and then kissed his hair, beginning to murmur about how he loved him. Kei wasn’t the same as he had been, and Tetsurou knew that. But he was still kind, still had a small spark of hope that had been ignited by Yamaguchi’s kind words and endless support. There was hope, and way that he’d tried and succeeded in making Kuroo feel better even after what happened only proved that.

“I love you, Tetsu,” he heard Kei whisper, once again nuzzling his chest and snuggling even closer. “I promised ‘Dashi, but I’ll promise you too, I’ll try my best to keep going. It’s not going to be easy, I know that it’s easy to say it now than to actually put it into practice. I’ll need lots of reminding that there’s a future worth living for, because I know there’s one with you and Tadashi and the others, so please take care of me.”

“Always, Kei. I love you, I’ll always love you, and I’ll be here to tell you that as many times as you need, and then more.” Tetsurou held back a sob, but he let a few silent tears fall. Kei just knew, somehow, and gently took one of his hands, lacing their fingers and giving it a gentle squeeze; silent assurance that things would get better somehow. Tetsurou squeezed back, and for a while they could push aside the hurt and the pain and everything that had gone on. For a while, it was just them, holding each other close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, have some hurt/comfort because I felt bad for the amount of angst in the last chapter and how much I hurt Kei...  
> If all goes to plan, then that should be the last of the major ‘Be mean to Kei’ events (the rice scene, reacting to the rumours, and Daishou being cruel), but the angst is by no means over yet. Things will just be a lot more hurt/comfort and dealing with the aftermath.   
> Anyways thanks to you all for reading and for the comments (it makes my day to read them each chapter!) and good day/night.


	14. 13

Kei wasn’t particularly sure how he’d managed to sleep at all that night. Actually, he did (it was completely because of Tetsurou holding him close the whole night), but he still hadn’t been expecting to get much sleep after all the time he’d spent asleep when he napped.

To be fair, three hours of restless and light resting wasn’t actually much sleep, but considering the last time this happened he only got about half an hour of light, horrible sleep for a few days until he collapsed from exhaustion, this was definitely a bonus. But then again, last time he didn’t have Kuroo and everyone else there, he’d been sleeping alone in his room, too scared to tell Yamaguchi what he’d tried to do and not able to face his brother or mother.

It was a long morning, waiting around from about two am when he woke up for everyone else to get up so the day could start. Kei didn’t want to wake the teen beside him, since he could tell it had taken Kuroo a while to get to sleep as well and knew he needed the rest. As much as he tried to hide it, Tetsurou was troubled by everything that had happened, and the blond wanted him to get as much rest as he could before a day of playing volleyball. 

He knew he should have woken someone up, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to for the fear that he would disturb the whole room. No, when he could do it on his own he would, he would try his best to fight his own battles. The fight was long and a struggle, and Kei found it was extremely difficult to keep his mind from straying and falling victim to the voices. Thrice he almost let it happened, each time before looking up and seeing Tetsurou, and reminding himself that he was loved by the other and that the other people in the room loved him too. 

It was harder than that, of course, but he’d done this before. He’d worked with Yamaguchi (along with a therapist) to find ways to calm himself when he was in public or alone and not just around the people he trusted, ways that weren’t harmful. Things such as jogging or running (which he couldn’t do now in the middle of the night), listening to music (again, it would disturb someone), but mostly it involved taking deep breaths and thinking about the people that he knew cared. It was a poor replacement from having people by his side and comforting him, but it was still able to do its job somewhat and kept him from breaking down into endless tears and sobs and being easily swayed by the voices.

It was difficult, extremely so, since the voices were loud and their words held even more power over him because he was weary and had been suffering a lot lately. He had to force himself to play on repeat what Tetsurou and Tadashi and everyone else that cared told him, using their voices to try and drown out the rest. Not only that, but then he had to try and convince himself that those words were true and not just lies, struggling to fight of the doubts and worries from deep inside that all his friends had lied to him. 

It felt like it was forever until the sun began to rise, and despite loving being able to be close to Kuroo, it was horrible to just lie there without anyone there speaking to him and comforting him to take his mind away from its own cruel clutches.

It was relieving though, because as normal, Bokuto was up extremely early meaning that Kei wouldn’t have to be alone for much longer. As soon as the teen got up, Tsukishima carefully slipped out of Tetsurou’s arms, trying not to wake him from his peaceful slumber. He sighed softly in relief when he saw that it had been a success, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, and then carefully walking over to the owlish male. “I know it’s not really allowed, but can we go for a jog, just around campus? I really need to clear my head,” he explained nervously, voice barely a whisper as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt and attempted not to bite his lips. “I don’t want to go alone, though, in case something happens.”

Bokuto perked up immediately at the idea and nodded, but even more than that there was an understanding look in his golden eyes, as if he knew exactly how Kei felt. He probably did, now that he thought about it, but it was still relieving to see the other giving him a thumbs up and assuring him that they could, of course, go for a run. “Yeah, we can go, that’s perfectly okay. If any of the sensei question it, I’ll handle it, m’kay? So just relax and get ready.”

The blond nodded, quietly swapping his sweatpants for sport shorts before grabbing his shoes and slipping them on. After putting on his glasses he slipped out of the room, where Bokuto was waiting with a smile. The captain put away his phone, and then off they went, heading outside and just going on a run around the gyms. It wasn’t very intense, since Kei wasn’t very energetic after a lack of sleep and having not eaten dinner the night before, but it got his blood pumping. 

Going on a jog was one of the things he’d found out really helped him, when he was up to doing it anyways. It cleared his head, and was really freeing in a way, to just run and run and let everything go. Even Koutarou, who was usually very loud and overly excited, seemed to be much calmer as they moved around. There was a silent understanding between them about how it felt, and that this was something that helped them both. It was nice, Kei thought, to have someone who understood exactly what he was going through, someone that he didn’t have to try to explain things to. Bokuto just knew, didn’t force him to explain further or talk, he was just there to support him. It was sad that Bokuto had gone through something similar, but the third year was mostly past that and was clearly glad to help him. It really, truly was nice.

They jogged around the whole area once, and began going around again after a drink from the bubblers since Kei felt alright to keep going again, and it was nice for the both of them. About halfway through, they went up a big hill, and despite being completely fine to keep going Koutarou stopped them both. There was a gentle breeze, and a warm, gold glow from the rising sun, and from the top they could see the school.

Bokuto gave him one of his bright smiles, though there was a caring and fondness behind it. “Do you trust me, Tsukishima Kei?” he began softly, the usually loud voice holding a gentle tone that the blond knew wasn’t able to be faked. “There’s a great big world out there, one full of hurt and pain and bad things, bad and horrible people who are cruel to others just for the sake of it. But, can you really look at everything around us and say there’s no good in the world? There’s so much you’ve yet to see, to experience and feel, and there are many people in there that want to experience all of the wonderful, beautiful things life has to offer with you there as well. I know how it feels to feel like every good thing is outweighed by the bad, to feel like you’re almost never happy, but I know how it feels to learnt to live life and love yourself again; I want to show you what I’ve learnt. So, Kei, do you trust me?”

Tsukishima was unsure how to respond to the older male at first, but listened to him carefully. Bokuto understood how it was like, he knew he did, and deep down Kei knew he wanted to keep on living, even if he didn’t know how to yet. This, he figured, was a start at least. If Koutarou cared about him and wanted to help him, then he would let him in.

“Yes, Koutarou, I trust you,” he said softly, nodding and taking the hand that the other had held out for him. Bokuto grinned, and moments later had scooped Tsukishima into his arms, running and jumping off the side of the hill. 

It took Kei a moment to register that they were flying, and he clung tightly to the older even when he was being held securely as it was. The warmth of dawn upon them, Bokuto soared, moving around the sky as if he was born to live there even while holding him. This was nothing like the other night when Kei had been carried back from the alleyway, because this time he was calm from running. This time, despite not flying on his own, he could really take in the feeling of the wind rustling his hair as he flew, the joy of moving through the air, not being trapped on the ground. This was the freedom he’d been longing for, desperately hoping for, for ten years now. 

As well as tears of joy, quiet laughter escaped Kei’s lips, along with a genuine smile. He knew it would be a rare thing to feel this happy very often, but right now that wasn’t on his mind. Right now, he was just enjoying and cherishing every moment, and letting Bokuto show him some of the joys of life. 

As the sun begin to rise further, they set down back at the top of the hill, continuing their jog back. By the end of it, Kei was sweaty, even more hungry than before and frankly exhausted, but that didn’t matter to him. There was a warmth inside of his chest, one that he hadn’t felt for many, many years. Getting better would still take a long time, but Bokuto had shown him a glimpse of what if felt like to no longer have those burdens holding him down. 

Kei was wingless, but he certainly wasn’t completely broken. If he was broken, he would never have been able to feel that way. Kei wasn’t broken, he was healing, even if that seemed to take a long time.

From the window of the room, Tetsurou watched them fly and run back, a soft smile on his face. He would really have to thank Bokuto later, because Kuroo knew that as much as he loved the blond, he wouldn’t have been able to help him in the same way. Maybe it was from a distance, but he’d seen the way that Kei smiled, and that assured him that even if they had a hard time ahead of them, he knew it was going to be alright in the end.

x-X-x

The rest of the morning wasn’t too bad, either, and though he didn’t continue feeling elation that he had earlier, Kei wasn’t exactly sad either. Strangely (or not), Nohebi had left the camp that morning, which was comforting because it had only really been members from those teams plus some of the other managers that had been cruel to him. That meant that at breakfast, he was able to relax and talk again with Lev, Hinata and Bokuto, actually eating what he normally would because he felt particularly hungry. Even once they got to the actual practice match part of the day, he was just content watching people play from the sidelines, focusing on volleyball and doing what he usually did rather than allowing the voices to take over. 

Akiteru had also left early that morning, but he’d come back again the previous evening to say goodbye and tell Kei himself. Their mother was still sick, and he had work, otherwise he would have stayed behind.

The second part of the day was a lot quieter, with the exhaustion of three hours of sleep catching to him. He wasn’t as talkative, and the joy from before had seeped away, but Kuroo and the others only smiled and continued to treat him kindly and like they usually would. They noticed, of course, but didn’t want to make anything worse by drawing attention to it. 

It all went so fast, the day spent with the others and then the evening spent in the third gym (he practiced receives with Lev since that didn’t hurt the injury on his hand). He actually felt content with life for the moment, having been able to mostly distract himself from the voices. It was all so surreal, this camp, it was like as much as he felt like he should feel down and gloomy, the people around him wouldn’t let him. 

Even during the night, when the voices returned and his sleep was plagued with terrors, not once was he left alone. Tetsurou was holding him close, Yamaguchi and Bokuto telling him all the things he needed to hear. It took a long time to calm down, but because of them he did. Because of them, he was able to fall asleep once more, and in the morning when he woke up to Kuroo’s kind, smiling face, he felt just that little bit happier.

It was just too bad that the training camp was only five days, four nights long, meaning that today, they would have to say goodbye. Frankly, Kei didn’t think he would be able to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kei needed more fluffy so have some platonic BokuTsuki because it’s cute.
> 
> The second half of the chapter is a bit more of a filler, but I want to get onto the next arc-ish thing, like, the time following the training camp and the spring inter high and nationals. I have big plans for Tsukki (I’d be interested if anyone could guess but it’s pretty obvious so y’all probably could lmao)
> 
> Love you all and thanks for the support! Thanks for the comments especially!


	15. 14

Kei woke up on the last day of training camp to see Tetsurou’s smiling face, a loving look in those hazel eyes. At some point during the night their legs had gotten tangled up, Kuroo’s arms and one of his wings was still wrapped around him. As soon as he noticed Kei was awake, the older male placed a soft kiss on his cheek, before nuzzling it with his nose.

It managed to bring a smile to Kei’s lips, before he buried his face in Kuroo’s chest and clung to him. It was going to be their last day together like this, their last morning waking up to each other, and he wanted to cherish every moment. He already had begun to, the warmth that they shared together making him feel all fuzzy on the inside. It was special, Kei knew that, and he was glad that they could have that time together like this. 

For a moment, a part of him imagined living together with Tetsurou and waking up like this every morning, and his heart skipped a beat from joy.

“Good morning, Moonshine,” Tetsurou whispered, so full of love that it made Tsukishima question what he’d done to deserve the other male, but only for a moment, because Kuroo had began whispering more things in his ear, innocent nothings that meant everything. His voice, deep, mellow and smooth like honey, and his words, so genuine and clearly full of love; Tadashi was extremely good at getting rid of the voices, but Tetsurou was just as good. 

Technically, they weren’t dating yet, as Kei was scared about anything long distance with his already struggling mental health. They were practically already a couple, though the lack of a label was comforting to him. If it became official, then he worried that the extra pressure that he’d put on himself, to not just being a good friend, but a good boyfriend, would make things a lot harder for himself. They loved each other, and that was all Kei needed for the moment. 

Tetsurou understood that, and even though it became difficult to rein in his affections a little at times (because sometimes the blond was just too cute and he really wanted to kiss him), he knew that when Kei was ready for that sort of relationship he would say.

Tsukishima nuzzled him back in return, just accepting all of the affection. Eventually though, he looked up and pressed his finger to Kuroo’s lips, getting him to be quiet before he leaned and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Tetsu. I love you, good morning. Wait, no, that was all out of order, fuck, I meant to say good morning first-“

A soft chuckle escaped the dark haired teen, and he grinned at Kei. “I know, I get it, no need to worry. I love you too,” he said, kissing the blond’s forehead this time and guiding Kei’s head to rest on his chest. “I’m afraid you’re never going to escape my cuddles this morning, so just relax and enjoy it as best you can.”

“I- okay,” he replied, relaxing into the embrace and closing his eyes. He wanted to enjoy it wholeheartedly, he really did, but the fact remained that he would be leaving that afternoon. It lingered in the back of his mind, planting seeds of worry inside his heart. ‘He’ll be happy when you leave, he’ll move on and find someone else that he loves more’. Every time he thought about leaving, those sorts of thoughts emerged, echoing around in his mind and causing his heart to ache. He didn’t want to be a downer on their last day, he wanted their memories to be happy, yet to stay constantly happy was simply impossible. He’d probably go on another jog later, but right now he didn’t want to move nor did he want to worry Tetsurou. “Can you tell me a story, Tetsu? I don’t really mind what about, maybe one about volleyball with Bokuto and Akaashi or something,” he said, hoping that it would suffice for now without ruining the mood.

If he hadn’t had his head on Kuroo’s chest, he would have seen a look of realisation flash through his eyes. He realised what was going on, of course, they were too close and he payed too much attention for him not to notice, but the third year didn’t know whether to mention anything about it. On one hand, he didn’t want to make things worse if talking about it upset Tsukishima, but on the other hand he wanted to let the blond know he cared and that his hardships didn’t go unnoticed. He instead settled for taking his hand, lacing their fingers and giving it a gentle squeeze, hoping the message got through well enough. “Of course, I know just the perfect thing! Okay, so two months ago, Bo, Akaashi and I were all going out because there was a sale at the volleyball store, and we were just about to go in when we heard these noises from the alleyway...”

Kuroo continued to talk about what happened, Kei occasionally humming to show he was listening or commenting on it. It wasn’t really that important of a story, just a lighthearted one that Tsukishima could probably use to tease Bokuto about later if he felt like it or needed a comeback. Still, for the blond, these moments were the ones that he would remember when he was having a shitty day, or when the voices caused him to question everything he thought he knew, but also when he was having a better day and thinking back fondly on the memories with Tetsurou.

“...and that’s the story about how we temporarily adopted three baby crows, two owls and two cats. Of course, the crows and owls had to be released to the wild when they were back to full health, but Lev adopted one of them and Yaku the other, so I still get to see them sometimes.” 

Kei nodded, gently squeezing Kuroo’s hand and nuzzling him gently. The third year was once again wearing the oversized fluffy black sweater, and it made the blond a little happy to know he’d have something that smelled like Tetsurou when he went back home. “You two are such dorks sometimes,” he muttered, yawning and mumbling something else almost incomprehensible through the muffling against the fabric, that sounded suspiciously like ‘but you’re cute’.

Once again, Tetsurou laughed, kissing his head and letting go of his hand so that he could run his hand through the other’s blond locks. “I’m your dorky, cute Tetsu, and you’re my smart, wonderful, adorable Moonshine. I think that’s fair enough, hm?”

The blush that Kei tried to hide was answer enough for the both of them. 

x-X-x

After another half an hour of cuddling, it was well and truly time for them to get up since everyone had to pack and load the bus before breakfast time, so they could just play volleyball for the rest of the day before it was time to leave. The reality of it all had began to set it, that this really was the last day, and the ache that he’d been able to suppress by focusing on Kuroo had come back. He was silent as they packed, trying to keep on taking deep breaths and stay calm. A run sounded really good, but at the same time he didn’t particularly feel like moving around at all. He just wanted to curl up somewhere and drown out everything, which wasn’t exactly an option, because his mind was his own worst enemy, so sitting around doing nothing wasn’t the most beneficial thing either.

On a day when all he wanted was to feel happy and enjoy time with his friends, all the things that usually worked to improve his mood or comfort him just seemed wrong. It was as if all that he was left with was the option to do nothing. He hated the days when he was like this the most, because the whole time he felt so hollow and empty. 

If he’d been able to cry, that would have been more than welcome, but no tears could fall even despite the intensity with which he willed them to. At home, he would still have Tadashi, Hinata, Akiteru and Suguwara, he wouldn’t be completely alone. Yet, the prospect of not having Tetsurou, Koutarou and Akaashi there as well was so horrible, even when he’d been able to make it through last time without them. He would even miss Kenma and Lev, and the times they spent together as a group. This was their last day together, and he felt like this, which only caused more pain as he felt guilty that he would ruin their moods. He would make everyone worry about him, he would impose on them playing volleyball and actually spending the training camp like they were meant to.

Kei bit his lip, not caring about the pain from where he’d caused it to bleed last time, and with shaking hands he continued to fold up his clothes and pack them neatly inside his bag. When had he started shaking?

The way his breathing changed, the way his heart beat too strongly and too fast in his chest, his hands becoming clammy; he hadn’t registered any of it until it became too much for him to bear on his own, his mind too overcome by thoughts and feelings.

Hinata and Kenma, the only other people in the room at the moment had been facing the other way and in deep conversation about something that he couldn’t quite hear through his own thoughts. Kuroo was having a shower, Tadashi had gone to see Yachi, and Bokuto was off somewhere with Akaashi, probably spiking up his hair. Everyone was busy, they were happier without him burdening them and ruining their day. 

He didn’t even attempt to finish packing, and curled up under the blankets of Kuroo’s futon, which was not yet packed up. Even if he wasn’t there, at least he had Tetsurou. Tetsurou hadn’t left him for something else, just to shower, so it was all going to be okay. ‘But you’re leaving him, Kei, not the other way round. You’re only going to be hurting him’.

Was that right? Of course it was, he would be ruining their day in the end anyways, just by leaving and going home. He was the one that was always going to ruin it all, it was just the way that things had always been. 

Tsukishima took a deep breath, wiping the blood off his lips and sitting up. What was sitting there doing nothing going to achieve? Nothing, obviously. He was still shaking, yet he got back to work, silently finishing his packing and packing up some of Tetsurou’s things as well by folding up the futon and some of the clothes. He was okay, he just had to hold it together for a little longer, so that he didn’t ruin anything else like he’d already done the entirety of the training camp.

“Kei, Kei? Moonshine? Is everything okay, Kei?”

He blinked and yelped, whimpering softly and backing off a bit before realising who it was. It was just Tetsurou, and yet Kei had been afraid. His heart sunk, and then it clenched painfully seeing the confused and concerned look on the older male’s face. The blond, still shaking, leapt into his arms and clung to him tightly. “I’m sorry, I’m ruining everything again,” he whispered, his breaths shallow and frantic. 

“No, no, you’re not ruining anything, Moonshine. I’m here now, and it’s going to be okay. I’ll look after you, I promise, but you gotta tell me what’s wrong. Why do you say you’re ruining everything, did someone tell you that or was it something else?” Tetsurou held him gently, his wings wrapped around him in a protective embrace as he stroked his hair again. “You can trust me, love, nothing you say will ever be stupid.” The other question was left unsaid. ‘I want to know what it was that caused you to be scared of me. Please tell me?’ Tsukishima nodded a little, but glanced to the direction of where Hinata and Kenma had been. “They got me and brought me here, but it’s just us in here now.”

He let out a shaky sigh and loosened his grasp on Kuroo, looking up at him with guilt and sadness. “I’m leaving training camp today to go back home, meaning I won’t be able to see you, Koutarou, Akaashi, Kenma and Lev anymore. It’s meant to be a happy day to spend time together and make the most of what we do have, and instead of enjoying today I’m ruining it for everyone. All I’ve done is be a pain and ruin this camp for everyone, all I’ve done is cause trouble and stop you all from getting involved because I can’t take care of myself. I’ve been doing it this whole time, someone has always had to be there to make sure I don’t go and do something stupid, because I’m weak and can’t deal with the fucking voices in my own head. 

I’m even doing it right now, and this is exactly what I didn’t want to do, because even if I can’t enjoy today I want you guys to, but you won’t be able to because you’ll be worried, but I can’t force myself to be happy — I can’t do it, Tetsu — and today’s just one of those days where nothing seems good, apart from being with you, but even then, even then I’m still fucking things up because I can’t steal your time because volleyball is important and you’ve put me first this whole time and I need you to be there for your team, but I’m selfish and weak and I want you to be there with me and—“

Kei was interrupted by his own need to gasp for air, taking deeper breaths this time, yet still just as frantically and unevenly. ‘You’re just making it harder for him now’ the voices told him, screaming at him to stop being so selfish and so weak and drowning out any other noises. The world around him fading out of focus, the voices taking control of his mind, and separating him from Tetsurou.

Everything that he didn’t need nor want to see flashed before his eyes, memories from long ago and recently, all tainted grey and stained with red. It was so cold, so lonely and painful, isolated and terrifying. In this world, he had wings, yet he had to suffer them being ripped out and replaced with more and more chains of burdens, cruel words and self hatred.

Through the darkness and the haze he fell, before with a jolt he shot up and the next thing he knew was that there was a splitting pain in his head. He was shaking and gasping for air, hot tears falling, and through blurred vision he could see Tetsurou’s frame infront of him, holding his head. What had he done? He scrambled and backed away once again, only to bump into Bokuto as well. Looking around, he saw Yamaguchi and Sugawara were there, and he was trapped. Normally he would have preferred to have these people with him, but after that, their presence scared him. He moved away from the ace and curled into a ball, balling his injured hand tightly, causing him to whimper.

What happened next was a blur, fading in and out of a disoriented state where he didn’t quite register what was going on around him. He was overwhelmed with emotions, it was just like what had happened the other morning, but it was so much worse. 

x-X-x

The next time Kei came to a state where he was aware, it was only Yamaguchi and Kuroo in the room, the freckled boy holding him close while Kuroo just sat by. The third year was a mess, having been even more worried after what happened. He didn’t want Kei to leave, not if something like this was going to happen again. Tetsurou didn’t know what to do, whether it was best to let Kei stay longer, or to let him go home. He was going to have to leave eventually, so would having him stay make it even harder. 

He’d cried three times already at seeing Tsukishima in such a state, scared of him and of Bokuto, in a place where he hadn’t been able to do anything to help him. Tetsurou felt useless, since as much as he wanted to help, Yamaguchi was the one with the experience. He had helped Kei through these before and was the person that would be helping him again, so it was better to let him handle it. 

Kuroo was too afraid to even go over to him from where he was leaning against the wall, for fear that he would do something to make things worse. Twice, Tsukishima had been scared of him, so perhaps he’d done something to trigger something somehow? As much as Yamaguchi and Bokuto had assured him that he was probably just overwhelmed and was more surprised than afraid (he had banged heads with Kuroo when he sat up so suddenly), Kuroo didn’t know if he was willing to take the chances. 

Kei was curled up to Yamaguchi, crying, and hadn’t even noticed he was there yet. The blond was clearly shaken up and not quite right, but was breathing better than before and wasn’t shaking so much. Tetsurou could vaguely hear him speaking to Tadashi about something, and seeming to relax at whatever the response was. Perhaps Kei would be better off without him making things worse at the moment, and Kuroo could come back later when he wasn’t upset. 

More tears slipping from his eyes, he stood up, starting to walk towards the exit of the room. What use was he being when he was crying and a mess, anyways? As much as he tried to help, Tetsurou knew he was never able to always truly be there, and that killed him. He wanted to be there for Kei and never leave his side, yet he was never able to stay. Not when they were kids, and Tsukishima would suffer because of what his father said to him and how he was treated back in the other apartment, not when he was suffering that night, not during the ten years they were apart, and not even on the roof. He hadn’t even be there to stop this from occurring, and he’d probably made whatever Kei was feeling worse. 

Kei was suffering, Tetsurou knew that, and it hurt so much that his beloved Moonshine whom he cared for so deeply was feeling that way. Of course that was going to be hard to see, it was going to be hard to support him when it hurt, but helping Kei was of most importance. Yet, here he was being selfish and useless, once again unable to truly help because Tetsurou too was hurting, and he was terrified. He was terrified of losing Kei, but more so of being unable to help him and that being the reason that he lost Kei.

He hadn’t even made it near the doorway when he heard a choked sob, and then another. It wasn’t until when he felt the tears begin to flood out that he realised they were his own sobs, and like the coward he was, he ran.

“Tetsu? TETSU, PLEASE, COME BACK!”

Tetsurou was scared, and he was hurting, and he didn’t know what to do. He was so afraid of making things worse that even though he heard Kei yell, he kept on running, up the stairs and to the roof, not stopping even as he unfolded his wings, jumping off and into the air.

Kei was wingless, and even as he followed him to the roof he knew there was no chasing him. He fell to a heap on the floor, crying, as he watched the man he loved run away from him and leave him behind.

It only solidified the thoughts in his mind from earlier that day about making things worse and hurting people, hurting Tetsurou. He thought he had Tetsurou, but obviously he’d ruined that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was not planned at all but I kinda got on the angst bandwagon and made things worse for both of them?? This kinda just happened, I’ll fix it before the end of the training camp tho because there’s only a few more chappys left of this book!
> 
> Thanks again to all the commenters, especially those of you that comment regularly (every chapter or every few chapters)! Hope y’all are enjoying even if it’s angsty lmao and have a lovely Friday that’s less sad than theirs


	16. 15

Kuroo was flying away, strong wings sending him up into the endless expanse of sky. Flying had always been effortless for him, but today it was anything but. With powerful movements he ascended, not further across the earth, away but up and up and up. Up in the sky where the air was thinner and it was harder to breathe and the whole world was below him, where he was the one in complete control of his life. The tears stung at his eyes and between the sobs and the panting and the air it was harder to breathe. 

And so, at one point he just stopped flying.

For a moment he was frozen in time, dark wings spread and body arched gracefully, and the next he was falling, beginning his swift descent towards the ground. The wind whipped around him and his already teary eyes stung and watered more. 

Kei watched as Tetsurou fell, his heart aching and breaking even more, and he wished that he had wings so he could leap off the building and catch him, but he was completely useless. He closed his eyes and wept, not wanting to see what happened, not understanding what was going on, because first Tetsurou had cried, and then he had run, and now this.

And then, the air around him seemed to shift as with powerful strokes — unmistakably the movement of wings — wind and a few loose feathers were sent swirling around him. He heard the sobs, that horribly familiar and heart wrenching sound, and he found himself in Kuroo's arms. "I'm sorry, Kei, I'm so sorry. I'm scared, I don't know what to do or how to help and I hurt you and — fuck, I'm such a mess — and I just ran because I didn't know what else to do and I didn't know and I just didn't want to lose you or be the reason that I lost you and everything's just so hard and-"

The third year sobbed and pulled Kei closer, continuing to ramble as he cried and tried to explain himself. Tsukishima was crying as well, whatever it was that Kuroo was saying having stopped making sense as he thought about everything. Maybe he hadn't messed things up, because Tetsu came right back to him, Tetsu was here now and he was holding him close and apologising for something that Kei thought he didn't need to apologise for. 

"I love you, Tetsu," he mumbled, cupping his cheeks and giving him a small smile through his tears. "You came back, I'm glad. How are we supposed to help each other if you don't answer when I call you? Tetsurou, you idiot, stop scaring me like that! I love you and you love me, so even if I'm sad I'll be here for you. We'll get through it together, that's what'll make me happy, so stop crying and tell me what's wrong. Then you can help me with my issues, Tetsu." It hurt him even more to see that face so full of sadness and guilt, tan cheeks tear stained and hazel eyes glossy and watering. He wanted to see him smiling again, just like he had when Kei had woken up that morning.

Tetsurou's eyes widened a little, and a few more tears slipped out, which Kei brushed away with his thumbs. "Oh, Kei," he whispered, his voice so small compared to how it usually was. "I love you, I really do." Placing his hands on top of the blond's smaller ones, he continued to speak. "I'm sorry for running, I should have come when you called me the first time. I know I already said this, but I was just scared. I didn't want to upset you or make things worse, and I didn't know what to do to help you, what would be best. It's really hard for me, seeing you like this, when all I want for you is to be happy. I can't help but blame myself, since I'm never there when you really need me and when I am I don't know how to help as much as Bokuto or Yamaguchi. I can't help but feel useless sometimes." 

Kei frowned at that and shook his head, sitting up so that he was kneeling, yet still cupping his cheeks. He pressed a few gentle kisses to Tetsurou's forehead and then one to the tip of his nose. "I know that I've made things hard, I know that when I fall into one of my episodes that it's scary, and I know I'm not the easiest person to look after. I'm sorry for hurting you, for worrying you and for making you cry. But I know that you don't blame me for struggling, that you don't mind helping me even when it hurts you to see me this way because you want to be there for me, and I need you to know that I don't blame you for being upset and getting overwhelmed either. Tetsu, it's hard for you, especially with me being the way I am. Maybe there are times when other people can look after me in a way that you don't know how, but I can promise you, that doesn't make you useless. There are ways that they can't help me that you can, things that only you can do to help me feel better. You won't always be able to help me, that's the reality of it. You can't change the past, nor can you change the fact that after today we'll be hours away from each other, but that doesn't change the fact that you love me and it doesn't stop you from being able to help me. It just means you have to help me in a different way than if we were in person, Tetsu. It was never going to be easy, it never has been, but we'll make it work together."

"I- you're right. We'll talk every day, yeah? Even if it's just a text in the morning and the evening, we'll make time. Our training starts around the same time as your team's, right? We can call on the walk to school or on the way home or at lunch time or something, and Skype on the weekends and stuff. It won't be the same as in person, but we can make it work." Kuroo sniffled a bit, yet smiled and guided Kei's hands to be resting on his lower back, before moving to embrace him in another hug. "Thank you, Kei, for talking with me I mean. It means a lot that you would still do that for me even despite everything going on at the moment. Do you, uh, want to share as well?"

"I'm just scared, Tetsu, because I don't want to leave today, but if I don't leave today I don't think I'll ever be able to. I'm not always going to be able to be with you in person and that scares me, but I know I need to be able to get though things on my own as well." He nuzzled into Kuroo's hair and sighed softly, moving his hands so he could wrap his arms properly around the dark haired male. "I just want to spend as much time together as I can, but I've already wasted a lot of it because of what happened. We haven't even had breakfast yet, but it's probably already morning tea break. We'll be going in a few hours and the thought of not seeing you in person, not being able to cuddle you and everything, it's daunting. I'll miss you so much, Tetsu."

"I know, Kei, I'll miss you too. But, we don't have to leave each other yet, you know? We still have these few hours left that we can make the most of, there's still time. Even if you don't feel happy, I'll try my best to make it a good day from here on out, okay?"

Tsukishima smiled, feeling some of his worries dissipate, some of the weight lifted off his shoulders. "Yeah, okay. That sounds nice."

The pair continued to talk together, about everything that they wanted to and needed to before they parted ways. Kuroo was patient and loving, understanding and kind. He helped, soothing Kei, assuring him that things would be alright with the same gentleness and caring nature that he'd always had. The blond spilled out all of his worries, all of his fears, and Tetsurou treated each one seriously, never once looking annoyed or frustrated with him and replying in ways that only he could. They talked about Kei’s fears of dating long distance if they were to decide to do that, of not being good enough, and of someone else coming along, among other things. There were some things he could only talk to Kuroo about, and though it took some time, they held each other and talked through it while they had the time to. 

They could get through this, and they would get through this, together.

x-X-x

The rest of the day certainly went better than the beginning of it, that was for certain. Kei clearly was feeling much better than he had been after talking, yet he still wasn't really up for doing much. After they ate breakfast together, he sat to the side and watched Kuroo play. He was in his fluffy, oversized black sweater again that smelled like Tetsurou now, Rex in his arms, leaning against the wall and just observing everything going on while they played. He also thought, long and hard about what he wanted to do and wanted to say before he left, so that he wouldn’t regret things later on.

As it turned out, they completely missed the morning tea break and so the next one was the lunch break, which was a barbecue organised by the teachers. Kei didn't eat much since he'd only just had breakfast, but he had a few pieces of meat at the insistence of Bokuto, Kuroo, Hinata and Lev. It was more amusing to watch Bokuto steal people's food, anyways, and listen to them talk whilst staying close to Tetsurou.

When he wasn't playing volleyball, he was by Kei's side, usually hugging him or at least being very close to him in some way. It was pleasant, and though he still was scared to leave, there was a part of him that knew it would be okay in the end.

Yamaguchi had made sure he was okay as well, and when he had a break he came over and checked up on him. The freckled boy was relieved to see him feeling so much better especially after that morning, and he played well the couple of times he went on to have a go at serving and just playing on the court.

At the moment, he was talking (more like arguing but in a friendly way) with Bokuto and Lev about what was better; owls, dinosaurs or cats. Kei didn’t know how the hell they’d gotten to this, but obviously Bokuto, Lev and Hinata had a questionable influence on him. He didn’t know whether to relax and enjoy it, or feel halfhearted annoyed at himself that he was partaking in such a childish activity, because it was actually kind of fun and he felt himself enjoying the time there with them. 

All three of them were well informed on their respective creatures, so it was a close battle. They each were very opinionated when it came to their favourite animals. "Dinosaurs are clearly the superior species. If you were to put all of the dinosaurs that ever existed against all the cats and all the owls, the dinosaurs would win for sure!" Tsukishima replied to what Lev had just said indignantly, clearly defensive about them.

"Hey, hey, Tsukki makes a decent point, Lev," Bokuto said thoughtfully, before grinning victoriously in realisation of one important fact. "But all the dinosaurs are dead, so they'd just be a pile of bones against the owls and cats and it would be one of our animals that would win. Owls are the best!"

Kei gasped dramatically and pouted, shaking his head in disbelief as Lev nodded excitedly. "And then the cats would win because we've got lions and all the other big cats on our side! They’re fast and can jump and stuff so they would beat the owls for sure," the silver haired teen said proudly, also grinning. 

"I can’t believe you two,” Kei murmured, rolling his eyes and glancing over to a Kenma and Hinata to see what those two were doing and if they would be interested in talking, because he was mildly insulted that the two he was talking with were dissing dinosaurs. What wasn’t there to love about the creatures? They were fascinating, and there was always so much to learn about them. When he saw that Kenma and Hinata were kissing, he spluttered, flushed bright red and buried his face in Kuroo’s chest, embarrassed that he’d seen that even if the pair didn’t really seem to care who was looking. Tetsurou laughed gently and hugged him, giving him one of those smiles that made a warmth spread in his chest and brought a smile to his own lips. 

It was nice, it really was, and the rest of their afternoon continued to be that way as well. The volleyball games were close and fun to watch, and though he wasn’t playing, Kei felt happy seeing everyone else enjoying themselves in the last games of the day. It assured some of his earlier worries, because he hadn’t completely messed up and made the day horrible for others.

The only problem was the speed at which the time flew by, the day progressing speedily. Before he knew it, they were approaching the last few minutes of the last practice games, and then they were preparing to go onto the bus back home. 

First was the goodbye to Lev (a hug from the enthusiastic half Russian and a promise to continue their discussion about cats and dinosaurs later on). Then, it was Kenma, who showed him where that dinosaur zoo game was in the App Store, waited for Kei to download it, and friended him on it so they could play together sometime. Also involved was Kenma blushing a dark shade as the taller blond asked him about his relationship with Hinata. “We’re dating now,” Kenma had said, before said orange haired middle blocker bounded over to say goodbye and presumably give him more hugs and kisses and other affections that the setter couldn’t bring himself to refuse.

Akaashi said goodbye to him next, giving him a kind smile and a thumbs up. “I know it might be hard, but things will get better for you, I promise. I’ll keep in touch, of course, but if you ever need anything, be it advice, help with school or a favour to do with Kou or Kuroo, just let me know. You’re one of my friends even if we didn’t get as much of a chance to talk this training camp, and I look forward to seeing you again,” he said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Akaashi, I appreciate everything you’ve done to help out this week, and for being there for Koutarou. If you need anything, let me know as well, but mostly can you please just keep on being there for them. I know you will, but I’m glad that they have you. It’s less to worry about, since I know they’ll have someone reliable to help them.” Tsukishima smiled softly at him, before laughing a little at the thought of the story Kuroo had told him about them finding animals in an alleyway. “We’ll have to get around to reading those books, I think. Some of the ones you told me about seem really interesting, and it’ll give me something to do when I can’t sleep.”

Keiji nodded and hummed a bit in agreement. “Yes, I’ve heard some good things about some of the ones you suggested too, but I’ve not gotten around to reading them. Make sure you don’t stay up too late, though, or else I’ll send Kou to bug you instead of bothering me with owl facts and memes when he can’t sleep,” he said, glancing to Bokuto who was walking over after talking with Yamaguchi.

“Hey, Hey, HEY! TSUKKI!” The captain perked up when he saw him and ran over, grinning brightly as he hugged him. “I’m gonna miss having you around. ‘Kaashi doesn’t share our sentiment when it comes to running,” he said with a pout, pulling away and slinging his arm around his shoulder. “I’ve been a bit lax with sending you owl memes since you’ve been here and I’ve seen you in person, but be prepared because I have too many saved on my phone and I have to share them with you before I delete them so I can download more. So make sure to send me lots of dinosaur stuff too, because it’s fun talking about that sort of stuff with you!”

“Yeah, sure, I can do that. I might enjoy hearing about owls, just a little bit...” Tsukishima smiled and blushed slightly, embarrassed about admitting that but not really minding, since it was Bokuto, before his expression softened. “Don’t be a stranger, alright? You’re one of my close friends, and I’d like it if we could keep in touch about day to day stuff as well as just dinosaurs and owls and that. If you ever don’t feel great, of course let Akaashi know, but I’m here for you as well.”

Koutarou smiled and nodded, saying, “Of course, Kei! And it goes without saying, any time you need me just let me know and I’ll help you out as best I can. Even if it’s the middle of the night, call and I’ll answer. I don’t get great sleep some nights anyways, even if I’m better than I used to be, so I get how you feel. We gotta stick together, m’kay!”

“Yeah, just, I really, really appreciate everything, Koutarou. If not for you being here, I would have been a lot worse off and I don’t know where I’d be without you helping me through some of the things that happened.” Kei sighed shakily, before moving to hug Bokuto properly, relaxing as the third year returned the hug gently. “I’m grateful for your support and I want you to know that. I’m still working on my relationship with my brother, so it’s nice to have a brother figure in my life, and someone who actually understands how I feel.”

“Hey, it’s okay, really. I care about you, Kei, so it’s no problem for me to help you. I want to be able to play volleyball with you one day and go on a double date with you and Tetsu, and see you graduate and do whatever the hell you want when you get out of school. You’re like a brother to me too, and I want to see you happy, and I know if our positions were reversed you’d do the same. I want you to have someone there for you that understands you, because I never had someone that understood how it feels to feel that way and to really struggle there to help me through things. I believe that you can get through this stronger than you ever were, that even though things are hard right now that there is a light on the other end of the tunnel.” Bokuto slowly pulled away and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, and smiled at him. “I’ll always be here for you, so don’t be afraid to talk to me about anything and everything you need to, especially if it’s something you’re afraid to tell some of the others. I’ve got your back!”

Kei smiled at him and nodded, thanking him once more before turning to find the last person he wanted to say goodbye to. He didn’t want to say goodbye, to have to leave, but at the same time he knew it would all be okay. Even if they weren’t there together, they would still be there for each other.

Tetsurou was saying goodbye to Daichi and Sugawara, standing away from most of the other people. When their eyes met, he sent a loving smile to Kei and opened his arms, silently welcoming him over. Not for the first time that camp, Tsukishima hurried over, flinging himself into his embrace and clinging to Tetsurou. The third year had been prepared for it, and held him close, wrapping those soft, dark wings around him. Kei was back home at last, happy and safe and at home in those arms with Kuroo. 

“Tetsu, oh Tetsu, I love you so much,” he told him, looking into those hazel eyes and finding so much love directed at him. There was no need for Kuroo to even reply verbally, with that look telling him everything that he needed to know and more. That smile, the one he loved so much, filled him with so much joy from the bottom of his heart, overflowing until he was beaming back at Tetsurou with just as much love because he couldn’t help but express that.

Kuroo hummed softly and pulled him in closer, their foreheads pressed against each other as they looked into each other’s eyes. “I love you too, Moonshine, I’ll always love you,” he whispered, each syllable full of warmth and kindness and nothing but love. There was no need to talk about things like Kei had done with Bokuto and Akaashi, they’d already gone over it that morning. Right now, it was just the two of them enjoying their time together, and Tsukishima was going to do just that. Tetsurou had warmed his heart, he loved him even when he was wingless and struggling, and he cared for him for who he was. 

Tsukishima was nervous about what he had planned to do, the fears and worries still present deep inside, but he’d thought long and hard about this during the matches. Kuroo loved him, and it would all be okay in the end, so he wanted to do this before he left.

“I know, Tetsu, I know,” Kei murmured in return, his eyes brighter than they’d been all camp even when they were about to leave each other. Hesitantly, he leaned in closer, bridging the small gap between their lips. The kiss was feather soft, innocent and loving, and only for a moment before Kei pulled away. Still, a large blush had spread across both of their cheeks, their hearts were beating faster, and that small kiss had meant the world to the both of them. “I’m still not sure if I’m ready for a relationship yet, but then again, when is anyone ever ready? I really do love you, Tetsu, and I’ll always be yours even if we’re far apart. I’m yours, that much I know for sure. Even if we can’t go on a date until next time we see each other, wait for me, okay?”

Tetsurou had been surprised, but also overjoyed, and cupped his cheek. He leaned in and gave him one more gentle kiss, a shy smile to accompany the caring and joyful look in his eyes. “Always, Kei. I love you, my heart belongs to you as well. We’ll get through this, everything will be okay. My sweet, handsome Moonshine~” he cooed, continuing to hug him. “You just wait, I’ll make it worth your while, okay?”

“I don’t doubt you will, Tetsu,” Kei replied with a smile, humming softly and burying his head in the crook of the third year’s neck. They stayed together like that, swaying gently along with the breeze and whatever song it was Tetsurou had began to hum, until Yamaguchi had approached them.

“Tsukki, it’s time to go,” the server said softly, glancing towards Kuroo with an approving smile before holding out his hand to the blond. 

The embrace lasted for a little longer, lingering, before Kei reluctantly pulled away and took the hand Yamaguchi offered. “I love you, Tetsu,” he murmured once more, giving a loving smile and a small wave to him as they began to walk. “See you later, okay?”

Tetsurou nodded and returned the smile with one of his own, walking beside them as Tadashi lead the pair of them to the bus so that he could say one last thing. “I love you, Moonshine. Have a safe trip back, love.”

Kei didn’t reply, but smiled at him, before heading inside the vehicle and sitting down. Immediately, there was an ache of loneliness in his heart, and he desperately wished he could be back in Kuroo’s arms once more. He buckled up, putting on his headphones, and prepared for the long bus ride back as Takeda began to drive out the school. 

So much had happened over the past five days, and Kei knew this would continue to change him for the better, even if he had been through a lot of bad stuff. 

Tsukishima Kei pulled out his phone, and sent a message to the group chat with all of his new friends in it, starting up a conversation. He was wingless, but he wasn’t broken, and there was no reason that he had to be lonely, either.

“Thank you for convincing me to come, Tadashi,” he murmured, looking up from his phone and giving his friend a smile. “It was worth it all, even the bad things.”

Tadashi grinned back and gave him a thumbs up. “Of course, Tsukki!”

Once again, Kei smiled, looking up at the sky through the window of the bus. The future wasn’t necessarily going to be easy, it certainly would have its hardships, but things would get better. He had Tetsurou now, and everyone else that he’d made friends with on this camp. He had Akiteru and Yamaguchi, and maybe he would have the rest of Karasuno to support him as well one day. As Kei looked around, and at the conversation on the phone, he saw a future, a life that would be worth living even despite the bad things in the world, a life that was worth living winglessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This book is finished now (wow. I never expected to say that when I started writing this a month ago:! It was going to be longer but I’ve decided to finish it here, and make a sequel so that it didn’t go too long.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading it! It’s been a wild ride and I never expected it to come this far in just a month, yet here we are, mountains of angst and fluff later hehe...
> 
> There will be a sequel that will be out soon (or is out already, depending on when you’re reading this), which will go through life following the training camp, the spring inter high thing and probably up to nationals, depending on how it all goes. 
> 
> Either that, or I have plans for another book in which Tsukishima goes to Nekoma instead of Karasuno, or a more magic au (with a cat/neko Fire mage Kuroo, owl and wind or water mage Bokuto and Akaashi (they have owl wings) and like a part dragon light mage Tsukki) so let me know your thoughts on if you’d be interested in that, or any of the other stories for YakuLev, IwaOi or BokuAka I’ve also had ideas from. Feedback on what to write would be appreciated since I’ve got lots of free time on my hands atm with less work and stuff.
> 
> As always, thanks for all the support and comments. They make my day each time and I’m proud to say that I haven’t had any negative comments on this book which makes me really happy and is really encouraging as a writer. So, Kudos to you guys for being a great audience, because I appreciate every one of your kind words, kudos and everything else! It’s a joy to write for people like you guys who are so supportive, and it was most of the reason this was written so quickly because I knew that people enjoyed reading.
> 
> I hope to see you all again! Lots of love,  
> Keso


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